All my certainties were gone. That love I experienced brought meaning to my life, says Bro. Jander María de Jesus
Sharing something about yourself is always challenging, because we do need to figure out what would be relevant to the people who are going to read it but also because we tend to share just the beautiful pieces of this big puzzle that is our life. Anyway, I would like to start by saying that I am a prodigal son, and I think by the end of my words you will have understood why.
I’m Bro. Jander Maria de Jesus, a Carmelite brother from Brazil. I was born in João Pessoa, a very historical city in the North-East of Brazil. I am the second of three children of my parents. I have an older brother and a younger sister. Both of them are already married and have children.
I grew up in a family in which Faith was something important, but the testimonies of my mother and my grandmother were something remarkable. I remember that when I was a little child my mom always brought me to Mass, or to novenas to Our Lady during May which are great devotions in Brazil. At home, we would pray the rosary together, and I have a vivid memory of the devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus because my grandmother was a member of the Sacred Heart Apostolate.
However, while I was growing up I was also becoming a very questioning child and I think it did annoy one of my catechists. I had three years of preparation for first Communion, and at the end of that, when I was 9 years old, I was not allowed to go forward with my group because according to my mom I was not on my best behaviour.
While the priest was giving the homily I imagined myself preaching and using some terms from biology”
So, I did not want to do that anymore. Little by little I became less interested in religious things. When I was 15 I joined another catechism group and had my Confirmation and first Communion on the same day, but it did not affect me so much. I spent years without being really engaged with the Church.
I finished secondary school, and got a place in the University when I was 16. I decided to do Biology, and throughout the course I was building up my plans to do a master and a doctorate, because I really wanted to become a lecturer. During that time though I had a very busy academic life. I was also doing scientific research in the university. I still had a good social life. I used to go to many concerts and hang out with my friends.
Little by little I begun to attend Mass again, and I remember one day while the priest was giving the homily I imagined myself preaching and using some terms from biology. I found it a silly thing and I did not even consider seriously the possibility of a vocation to religious life or priesthood.
Meaning
Then, during my final semester at university, one of my friends invited me to a retreat for young people. I was a bit reluctant, but I finally accepted to go and, though it is funny it is also true; after going with her to do the registration, I went with some friends for some pints.
After a few weeks, I went for that weekend retreat, and it was definitely a turning point in my life. I had a deep and powerful experience of God’s love there and it shook everything in my life. It was time for the prodigal son come back home. All my certainties were gone. Because that love I experienced was greater than anything I was looking for, it brought a real meaning to my life. By now I was 20 years old, in my final year of university.
Sometimes our vocation is not a straight line in the path of our life”
So, after my graduation, I already had a supervisor for my master’s degree, but I just gave up my plans, and decided to start a journey in order to figure out what would be God’s will to my life. So I asked my parish priest to start a vocational discernment.
At that time, I was a member of a charismatic community in my city, but I started going for retreats with the Jesuits, and later with the Diocesan priests. Those experiences helped me in my discernment for the religious life, but it was actually with the Carmelites that I found my place in the Church. What really impressed me when I met the Carmelite brothers was the great devotion to Mary, what is actually a life lived in imitation of Mary, which is a particular aspect of our charism. Added to that is the great dimension of prayer and the strong call to contemplation, the joy of living as brothers in fraternity and service. I also have to mention the beauty of the Carmelite habit which is a powerful sign of our consecration and spirituality.
So, after a time of discernment, I joined the Carmelites in 2015, made my first profession in 2018 and my solemn profession in 2023. I must say that I am very happy as a Carmelite brother. I hope my story does not discourage you, but I really wanted to show that sometimes our vocation is not a straight line in the path of our life. However, God is insistent. He is always attracting us to his love but through many different ways. Now I am in my final year of theology, and hopefully I will be ordained soon. Then, that silly thought I had might become true, and I might use some biological terms from time to time in my homilies.
That silly thought I had might become true, and I might use some biological terms from time to time in my homilies”