Heidi and Cory Busse
The images of love and marriage that surround us in popular culture reinforce the idea that real love is easy, and experiencing hardship means you’ve married the wrong person. The reality is, we are all human beings struggling to find our way through relationships. Successful spouses know that putting time and energy into marriage is essential in building the foundation of a lasting love.
The Church teaches that marriage is a sacrament, that is, it is a living and effective sign of God’s love. Christian marriage is more than a signed piece of paper and a shared checking account. Sacramental marriage means that the couple shares together in the life of grace by the very fact of being married to one another.
While the priest is an essential witness at a Catholic marriage ceremony, the spouses are the true ministers of the sacrament of matrimony. It signifies and communicates grace. As spouses, we are called to be signs of God’s love and presence through our words and actions, by raising our children in the faith, and through the way we show love for one another.
Christian marriage is a holy vocation in which each spouse is called “to love one another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love.” Married life gives us a glimpse of the eternal union of God and his Church and calls each spouse to build the other up for everlasting life in Heaven.
Think of the shape of an hourglass. Wide at the top, continually tapering, tight at the middle and flaring out again to its widest point on the other side. That’s the shape of a marriage. At times we’re far apart, at other times we’re as close as we could be. The only thing constant in marriage is change.
In most marriages, there are four main seasons: the honeymoon, young parenthood, middle age and empty nesting, and the later years. Each season or cycle has unique joys and challenges.
A friend of ours who was married for more than 40 years says that the secret to a lasting marriage is “to periodically learn something new about your spouse.”
Sacramental marriages work through the tough times. When marital conflicts arise, it is helpful to remember there are no “winners” because you are always on the same team. Being “right” is not so much the goal as being heard and understood. And listening is just as important as talking.
Nourishing your faith life together is essential to a lasting union. It is a great gift to journey through life together as a married couple. There will be “ups and downs,” and as you move through the many phases of married life, it is most important to remember that you’re not alone. The Church is there for your marriage long after the flowers have faded, and the dress no longer fits. Count your blessings and they will flow.