Fr Liam Power
Fr Liam Power addresses some criticism of the Church’s pre-marriage course
A charge that is sometimes – unfairly – made against Accord, the Catholic marriage care service, is that the pre-marriage preparation course is too ‘horizontal’ and therefore, by implication, not ‘vertical’ enough.
As Priest-Director of Accord in the Waterford Centre serving the Diocese of Waterford & Lismore, I would like to respond to this criticism which I believe to be totally unwarranted and wildly inaccurate.
The horizontal/vertical categories must be assessed in light of Charles Taylor’s (the widely acclaimed Canadian philosopher) profound analysis of the secularisation of modern society. Taylor has constantly asserted that secular modernity does not necessarily mean the absence of religion, but in our time often occupies a place which is different from heretofore in people’s experience and imagination.
He claims that “modernity removed one mode in which God was formerly present” (perceived as reigning in a vertical and transcendent eternity); but “an alternative form of God’s presence becomes possible, more personal or spiritual, less institutional, less exclusively transcendent”.
Personal life
He goes on to claim that “in personal life the dissolution of the enchanted world (i.e. pre-modern society) can be compensated for by a strong sense of the involvement of God in my life”.
In that sense, Taylor is positive in his assessment of modernity claiming that it has helped believers to emerge from more puritanical and excessively other-worldly (i.e. vertical) versions of faith and to recognise the potential of human beings for goodness. He insists that Christians must have the courage the recover a sense of what the Incarnation can mean. Of course, he is only too aware of the dangers of an exclusive emphasis on the ‘horizontal’ – it risks degenerating into a shrunken zone of self-absorption and narcissism.
Respectful of this modern sensibility, in the module on the Sacrament of Marriage couples on the pre-marriage course are invited to reflect on their own, mostly unthematised, and often implicit spirituality of marriage. The reflection is stimulated by the model of spirituality based on deepest heart’s desires, as developed by missionary theologian Donal Dorr. The couples are invited to share their deepest hearts’ desires, in relation to their marriage, with one another and with other couples in small groups.
In my experience, having facilitated this module for over 20 years, the feedback is amazing. The couples’ deepest hearts’ desires resonate, in truth, with the Church’s vision of marriage. The couples come to an awareness and an appreciation that in the depth of the commitment they are making to one another there is a profound act of faith – faith in the possibility of love, faith that the universe is indeed gracious and merciful and not dominated by competition or consumerism or greed.
They recognise that the nature of the love they are promising to one another, unconditional, permanent, faithful and generative, is of such depth that it reflects and reaches into the heart of the divine and opens itself for ongoing divine involvement and empowering.
It is a logical follow-on from this awareness that the Accord pre-marriage course helps couples to help them reflect on the fact that in living out their marital commitment, in negotiating conflict in a respectful manner, in honest and open communication they are indeed living out the paschal mystery of Christ’s dying and rising. (There is a module in the course on each of these aspects of marriage and it must be recognised that this experiential or ‘horizontal’ approach is totally consistent with the principles of adult faith development outlined in the National Directory for Catechesis, Share the Good News.)
The horizontal/vertical dialectic must also be explored in light of the essential nature of the sacramentality of marriage.
Vatican II emphatically decrees that the mutual exchange of love between spouses is what constitutes the sacrament: “Authentic married love is taken up into divine love and is ruled and enriched by the redemptive power of Christ and the salvific action of the Church” (Gaudium et Spes, No.48).
There is, of course, a need for growth in this love in order to bring the sacrament to its full realisation, and there is also stress on the ecclesial character of this love. To live this love authentically, to fully realise their marital vocation, couples must have the skills needed.
Accord, in its pre-marriage course, offers to couples an opportunity to develop these skills. Already alluded to above, great emphasis is placed on the skills of communication, conflict management and the skills needed to grow in intimacy.
Embarking on the great journey of marriage, it is of course essential that spouses would have a high level of self-awareness. The opening module of the course gives them an opportunity to reflect on their family of origin, on their values, on their expectations, on how they perceive their respective roles in their marriage. This choice of an opening module is informed by the recognition of the fact that lack of self-awareness can contribute to great disharmony in a marriage.
So if we take seriously the sacramentality of marriage, that it is the love of husband and wife that constitutes this sacrament, every effort to enable and empower couples to live this loving commitment as authentically as possible is equipping them to fulfil their vocation as spouses and parents. Accord is unapologetically ‘horizontal’ in this regard.
As I indicated earlier, the hermeneutical key (how we make sense of) to the horizontal/vertical dialectic is the sacramentality of marriage.
In the module on the Sacrament of Marriage, couples are invited to reflect on their marriage vows, on the solemn promises they pledge to one another on their wedding day or, more precisely, the nature of the irrevocable personal consent which seals the marriage covenant. We highlight the fact that while they are promising to love one another, they are challenged to understand the unique Christian character of this love.
It is a love which is permanent, faithful, unconditional and creative.
In a post-modern culture, such a commitment is indeed prophetic as it issues a profound challenge to an age that effectively denies permanence, that seems to eschew exclusivity, and would not recognise a contract without acres of small print. ‘Unconditional’ is just too dangerous for this self-absorbed age.
This, of course, is the quality of the love revealed in the life of Jesus, this is precisely how God loves us. And couples come to appreciate that, as they live out their married life, they are incarnating this love, concretising it and witnessing to it.
In this way, couples come to appreciate that the sacramentality of marriage is indeed the hermeneutical key to the entire pre-marriage course. All that they have learned empowers them to fulfil their baptismal calling in the Sacrament of Marriage. Without this horizontal emphasis, the vertical dimension would be irrelevant.
The Irish Episcopal Conference, after careful deliberation, has advised on the content of the course. The present Accord pre-marriage course was carefully designed to comply with episcopal requirements. It was then carefully piloted throughout the country and closely evaluated to ensure that couples gain maximum benefit from it.
After every course, couples are invited to offer feedback on their experience. This feedback is invariably very positive, indicating that couples really do enjoy the course and find it very helpful.