Post-natal depression can affect any mum, writes Alison Canavan, so don’t be hard on yourself or afraid to ask for help
Alison Canavan
There is no denying that having a baby is a very special time in a woman’s life. You want everything to be perfect and we all want to be great parents. We attend ante-natal classes, read books and devour every bit of information about pregnancy and birth. But what about after the baby is born? Research shows that at least 60% of women will struggle significantly during the first six months.
That’s a very high percentage for a subject that’s simply not discussed. I had a great pregnancy after the sickness subsided at five months! I was so excited and couldn’t wait to meet my baby. The birth was amazing and it’s very empowering as a woman to bring a new life into the world. In the days that followed I grew to love James in a way I’d never felt before, an unconditional love that can only exist between a mother and her child.
The next few weeks were tough, but I still felt good. I seemed to be on top of everything and positive about my abilities as a new mum. But as I’m self-employed, I had to return to work quickly and I had some emotional problems going on as well. I was lucky to be able to bring James to work with me most of the time, but the lack of sleep was beginning to take its toll on me and I found myself crying for no apparent reason.
The simple things became difficult and I felt like the world was caving in. Here I was with this beautiful little boy who was everything to me, but all I kept doing was bursting into tears. I couldn’t understand it. James was a very good baby and I had my Mum around, who was also a great help. I felt like such a bad mother.
I also felt angry, ungrateful and ashamed. I’m a strong character and, to be honest, I was embarrassed to admit that I was having problems.
Crying
I went from crying all the time to being completely unable to cope with the simplest of tasks. Daily life was completely overwhelming and I remember suffering a chronic panic/anxiety attack in a shopping centre one day. I was overwhelmed and couldn’t cope, but I was ashamed to ask for help because I thought everyone would judge me. I also found it difficult to sleep, as I was so worried about everything. I had suffered from depression in the past and I recognised some signs. That was when I started to read up on the baby blues and post-natal depression. I was a textbook case.
My mornings were becoming increasingly difficult. I felt so low that I didn’t want to talk to friends or see anyone. I knew this was wrong. Finally, with the support of my family, I asked for help. I rang Post Natal Depression (PND) Ireland and a lady called Madge Fogarty spent an enormous amount of time on the phone with me; I will always be very grateful to her for her time and help.
I began counselling and went to a psychiatrist and took medication. I took baby steps and began to educate myself even more about food and lifestyle. Medication has its place for some people and it can definitely be a step on the ladder to recovery, but I just knew, deep down, that there had to be more to all this than taking pills. I was sick of popping pills to fix my problems. I cleaned up my lifestyle and began to understand the power of living better, which was a lifestyle I had always regarded as boring. In fact, I learned pretty quickly that it’s not boring at all – it’s amazing!
Daunting
Post-natal depression doesn’t discriminate, it can affect any mum regardless of situation or age. You can suffer on your first or your fourth child, which is important to remember because if you didn’t suffer on previous children, you can be very hard on yourself if you do become ill.
Being a first-time mum is really daunting. You’re handed your little bundle and sent on your way. It’s a time of huge adjustment and responsibility. Throw into the mix a few hormones and lack of sleep and your world very simply gets turned upside-down. There’s an enormous pressure to be a ‘supermum’ nowadays. It’s a perfect storm of negative associations, capable of eclipsing your self-esteem and self-trust. My advice for coping is very simple: go easy on yourself and trust your instincts.
The main symptoms of the baby blues are very simple – crying and feeling really sad. If you find yourself bursting into tears and feeling sad, don’t panic – you are most certainly not alone. It’s important to know and understand that this is all completely normal and that these feelings usually disappear without help. A lot of women I have spoken to have said they remember just bursting into tears even though they weren’t feeling sad. Sometimes tears are just a way of releasing emotions – if you haven’t the energy or time to deal with them properly, they have to come out somehow.
If the dark cloud does not lift, you have got to ask for help. The reality is that if you don’t get help, it will get worse and you will deteriorate further. The good news is that early intervention or getting help as soon as you can means a faster recovery. Your baby needs you to be present. Forget about the housework and the washing and focus on you and your baby.
Public health nurse
Talk to someone close to you about how you’re feeling. If you have a public health nurse, talk to her or visit your GP and they can help you to take the next step. A good GP is essential as he/she will talk through your options and you can decide together the best route to recovery for you.
My advice is to contact a helpline, such as Parentline or PND Ireland. I found this to be a lifesaver in my own situation. It’s a little easier to do because the person on the other end of the phone is fully trained, non-judgemental and they can’t see you.
As women we really do put a lot of pressure both on ourselves and on each other. We all parent differently and we are all individuals. If you really want to be the best, then be the best you that you can be because, as we all know, everyone else is taken.
Get out there and figure out what makes you happy. You need to nurture yourself from the inside out in order to take care of your mind. Eat great food, get outside, and talk kindly to and about yourself and others. Find your passion and follow it and start each day with gratitude for simply being here.
Alison Canavan is a health and wellness expert, parenting columnist and motivational speaker. This edited extract is taken from her new book Minding Mum, published by Gill Books (€16.99), which offers mothers advice on caring for themselves after childbirth. www.alisoncanavan.com
What can you do to beat the blues?
- Eat good nourishing food;
- Tell someone how you feel and ask for their help;
- Try and get out for a walk;
- Sleep when the baby sleeps;
n Arm yourself with information. Helpful resources if you think you are suffering from post-natal depression include: Post-Natal Depression Ireland, Tel: 021-492 2083, www.pnd.ie; Aware, www.aware.ie; Parentline, Tel: 01 873 3500 or lo-call 1890 927 277, www.parentline.ie/ info@parentline.ie