Christmas calls for reflection

I love the time after Christmas Day.  The preparations that take up most of December are over. It’s a time to relax with family and a good book or six.

The quieter days of the Christmas season lend themselves to reflection. For our family, it has been a momentous year. In August, our elder daughter, Robyn, got married to her beloved Shane.

It was the first wedding of one of our children, a milestone in any family. Without wishing to be sexist or stereotypical, I believe that it affects women differently than men. My husband and I could not be happier about our daughter’s choice but I also felt a tinge of melancholy long before my husband did.

I was simultaneously so happy that she was making this transition to founding a family of her own and feeling a pang that her relationship with her family of origin was changing forever.

Feelings

Those mingled feelings were responsible for the only moment during the whole wedding day when I cried. On the way to the church, suddenly all I could think about was the day that Robyn was born.

It only lasted a few moments. I had tears in my eyes at other moments, tears of pride and happiness, but that was the only quick sob.

The average spend on an Irish wedding has returned to pre-Covid levels of more than €36,000”

The upcoming wedding led to other, less exalted moments as well. We were exposed to what Robyn calls the wedding-industrial complex, which she hates with a passion, particularly the ostentatious waste that couples are encouraged to indulge in.

The average spend on an Irish wedding has returned to pre-Covid levels of more than €36,000. Robyn and Shane were determined that the sacrament would be their central focus instead.

Intent

They were intent on keeping everything else as simple as possible. Robyn wore a 70 year-old vintage dress, made all the bouquets for herself and her bridesmaids, and her sister, Eva, did her hair on the day.

They did choose a lovely venue for the reception but that was partly because the groom is American and wanted to allow the US guests to experience something of Ireland outside Dublin.

We only visited a couple of wedding venues but I was fascinated by how politely insistent each one was about showing the hotel’s own wedding ceremony room to my daughter and her fiance, even though they had explained that they were having a Church wedding.

Roughly a quarter of all wedding ceremonies are now what might be called New Age”

Obviously, it is in the interests of a venue that everything takes place under its roof but it does put young couples under pressure not to choose a religious wedding ceremony. Venues will even suggest wedding celebrants in the same way as they provide lists of florists, wedding bands and photographers.

Coincidentally, David Quinn of the Iona Institute then asked me to prepare a paper on the rise of alternative spiritual wedding ceremonies. Roughly a quarter of all wedding ceremonies are now what might be called New Age. This is a controversial term and probably none of the celebrants would describe themselves as that.

Convenient

However, there is no other convenient name for what are eclectic, individualistic, spiritualities drawing on everything from Buddhism to Wicca to the more photogenic aspects of Celtic spirituality.

For example, a relatively recently formed entity, the Spiritualist Union, which came into being to promote mediumship, that is, communication with the dead, last year carried out 7.8% of all wedding ceremonies in Ireland. This is an extraordinary development.

It has significant repercussions. The key reasons are not just convenience, being able to write your own vows or skip marriage preparation. It is that people no longer have a deep Christian faith, the kind that comes with the need to mark the union of a husband and wife with awe, wonder and worship.

The price of housing is a block to returning home. Yet the Irish people voted to return more or less the same government”

We are singularly failing to nurture the faith of young people and families. Until that changes, more and more people will choose alternative spiritual weddings, and the 40% combined who choose civil or humanist ceremonies will also continue to rise.

Robyn and her brother, Ben, are also living abroad. This brings us up against another failure, this time a secular one. The price of housing is a block to returning home. Yet the Irish people voted to return more or less the same government, which has not made housing for all a priority.

The only bright spot of the general election was seeing so many pro-life TDs returned, and that Aontú finally achieved the amount of votes needed to secure Government funding for political parties, along with a second TD. Seeing our niece, Melissa Byrne, run for Aontú was another highlight.

As a family, we have much to reflect on and be thankful for at this time of year. May you and yours continue to be blessed through 2025.