Rory FitzgeraldIt was going to be a big, and very emotional, adventure. The older two kids were going to have their first full weekend away on their own without one or other parent with them. They were going to Cork to stay with their nana and grandad for a whole weekend alone. They’re very close to their grandparents, whose house is home from home and so it was the ideal way for them to make this first foray out into the world together.
Aged four and five, they were just about ready for this step. Being so close in age, they share a room and would have each other nearby if struck by pangs of homesickness in the middle of the night. Select teddies would also be on hand to offer comfort. They were very excited in the run up to the trip, but there were mixed emotions too and there were inevitable last-minute tears and fears as we waved goodbye to them, and their uncle took them off on the journey south.
The world is a big place and each step further out into it with greater independence involves both excitement and emotional risk. Children are simultaneously small and fragile, and yet surprisingly adaptable and resilient. I knew they would be happy once away.
In the care of loving relatives, they were going to be the centre of attention and, as is the grandparents’ perogative, spoiled somewhat too, with special treats that their parents would ordinarily forbid. Yet, having had a happy first day away, upon seeing her mother on the promised evening Skype chat, Rosie simply burst into tears. Yet she soon after recovered, we were told, distracted no doubt by an illicit grandparental treat.
Return
The kids returned from their weekend bouncing with happiness, and walking somewhat taller, as I had thought they would. As I see it, even an average day in school, or playschool, is a much more emotionally fraught outing for the kids. Small kids’ in their talk, relationships and play often unwittingly hurt one another.
Although most days they bounce out of school merrily, on some occasional days they seem flat and when you ask what happened, they might say “the other boys wouldn’t play with me today” or “a boy pushed me over” or “so-and-so said she’s not my friend any more.”
These little events, inevitable in the schoolyard, bring greater emotional pangs to the parent than to the child, who next day is running around happily with so-and-so, best friends once again. We parents, helpless and distant, away at work or behind the railings of the schoolyard, must slowly accept that our small children already have their own lives, in which they must struggle, cope with setbacks and ultimately, hopefully, thrive.
All we can do is equip them as best we can as they slip inevitably further towards independence.
An eight-year-old today with be 18 in 10 short years time, and will be master of their own fate. Parents can only try to impart skills, habits and values that will help them thrive in life. Yet the most important thing is to surround them with love and kindness.
A child who is loved well will carry that legacy with them always through life. The effects of that love will revereberate forever onto their friends, and their own children, and even grandchildren – in ways none of us can imagine.