Aubrey Malone
Fast and Furious 8 (12A)
The two most popular types of books on the market these days, I’m told, are cook books and diet books. I’m thinking of writing one called Cook It But Don’t Eat It. That should corner both markets.
Our society is beset with contradictions. Every night on TV – justifiably – we see advertisements put out by the Road Safety Authority showing graphic images of drivers being involved in the most horrific crashes. And then we have films like this which glorify speed and its gory aftermath.
The series has already cost over €470 million on special effects. That’s not to even consider the other expenses involved. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to deduce that the films are making well and above that amount at the box office – up to €3.75 billion by some reports.
We get the films we deserve just like we get the politicians we deserve. Audiences have an insatiable appetite for watching people die in fireballs on motorways. Many people confess to slowing their cars down when they pass a crash site. I’ve done it myself. It’s a kind of voyeuristic trait, a semi-masochistic curiosity. It’s this unsavoury characteristic that’s exploited by the Fast and Furious series.
Paul Walker, who starred in the first five of them, was killed in (what else?) a car crash in 2013. He was driving at 151 kph at the time. Even this perverse irony didn’t stop the series. Here’s Number 8.
Once again Vin Diesel is at the helm. This is a man who’s become famous for speaking like Lee Marvin. In a pre-credit sequence he drives a jalopy of a car with a souped-up engine at breakneck speed through crowded streets. As I watched the madness unfold, all I could think of was Zsa Zsa Gabor’s “Macho does not prove mucho.”
Afterwards he meets Charlize Theron, the ‘bad’ girl of the piece. (We know she’s bad because she wears dreadlocks and speaks slowly). She’s kidnapped Vin’s girlfriend and the son he never knew he had. If he doesn’t do the nasty things she demands, the two of them are going to ‘get it.’
Watch Charlize pulverising the streets of New York by remote control. Watch her chuckling “Ouch!” as cars plummet out of skyscrapers and explode into one another. Watch her trying to ‘nuke’ her enemies in the ice of the Arctic.
This is a ‘family’ film, which means Jason Statham puts ear plugs around a baby’s head while he’s killing people. Such consideration.
Scott Eastwood also stars – as a bit of an idiot. (Dad – that’s Clint – wouldn’t like that). Helen Mirren does a ‘blink and you miss her’ cameo as a cockney mum.
What are actresses of the calibre of Mirren and Theron doing in rubbish like this? The makers think they can go on with the franchise till the cows come home.
With Fast and Furious 8, for me, the cows came home.
Poor *