Everyday faith

Cathal Barry meets an actress firm in her faith

Singer, songwriter, actress, DJ. It seems there is very little Rebecca Ryan can’t master once she puts her hand to it.

Readers of The Irish Catholic may recognise her from illustrious roles in Fair City and The Tudors. Others from tuning into Spirit Radio’s breakfast programme which she co-hosts.

She’s as bubbly in person as she is on the air. However, that wasn’t always the case.

Raised in a “lovely” home in Co. Meath, Rebecca admits her family regularly drew comparisons to corny 1970s sitcom The Brady Bunch.

The middle child of three girls and daughter to caring parents Imelda and John, Rebecca was raised a Catholic but now describes herself as non-denominational.

“It was a Christian home as well so we were brought up with God. We would go to Mass every week,” she said.

Hers was a very musical family too and the talented pianist and guitarist was heavily influenced musically by her mother, the well-known classical guitarist Imelda Nagle Ryan.

Lost interest

Like many youngsters, Rebecca felt like she was “made” to go to Mass each week and soon lost interest.

“In my teenage years, when I was able to make my own decision, I became more career focused and decided to put the Church and God away,” she said.

Rebecca secured a place alongside one of her sisters at the prestigious Gaiety School of Acting in Dublin and dedicated herself full time to pursuing her dream career after completing the Leaving Certificate.

She soon received an offer from an agent in London but opted to stay at home.

“I wanted to establish myself first so I decided to stay at home in Ireland. I’m a bit of a home bird and wasn’t ready for the adventure,” she said.

That turned out to be the right decision as Rebecca landed a role in one of the country’s most popular soap operas Fair City.

“It was absolutely brilliant. I loved it. Everyone was so welcoming and lovely. I learned so much as a young actress,” she said.

It was on set that Rebecca met a co-star who would regularly speak to her about his Christian faith and belief in God. Rebecca wasn’t interested initially but his persistence paid off and eventually she began to listen.

“Something about what he was saying to me just made sense,” Rebecca recalled, noting that there was still some “disconnection” between her and God.

“I just didn’t get it,” she said.

Taking The Irish Catholic back to her teenage years, Rebecca explained that she fell victim to different forms of abuse, both emotional and sexual, stressing that all of which took place outside her home.

“These things do get to you if you don’t know how to handle them. They really knocked my confidence as a young girl trying to figure out who I was,” she said.

As a result, Rebecca struggled throughout her teenage years with eating disorders such as bulimia, battling anorexia for a time too.

“I guess that was my way of taking back some control in my life because it had been taken away from me,” she reasoned.

Rebecca attended various therapists with the support of her family, but despite making some progress, “just couldn’t break free”.

She sunk into depression, began to self-harm and even experienced suicidal thoughts.

Rebecca was convinced, however, that all would be well if she managed to land her dream acting job.

“I thought if I reach my goal and land a big break that will give me the happiness I was looking for,” she said.

Role

However, when she eventually did rise to such heights, securing a role in the hit BBC series The Tudors, Rebecca felt no such relief. The Tudors was that “big break” she had been waiting for. “I got the job but I didn’t feel fulfilled. That really threw me,” she said.

Over a period of months her depression “spiralled out of control”.

“I was just so depressed. It was a horrific and dark time. Nobody would know on set but all of those suicidal thoughts I was experiencing came to a peak. I reached the lowest of the low. I was right at the bottom,” she said.

Working with renowned actors such as Sam Neill and Jonathan Rhys Meyers was small consolation for Rebecca, whose personal life was “falling to pieces”.

“I had the role and it hadn’t fulfilled me. I began to wonder what was missing. I hadn’t any purpose in life. I was so low I thought suicide was the only option.”

Destructive

She had taken to smoking again, began drinking heavily and was even considering drugs. “I considered anything destructive really to try to be free of what I was feeling.”

During a break from filming while living in London with her sister, Rebecca decided enough was enough. She walked to London Bridge, intent on taking her own life.

As she stood on the bridge contemplating jumping, elsewhere in London, her old friend from Fair City, whom she had kept in touch with, woke from a nap in his family home.

Rebecca explained that he, for some strange reason, sensed something was wrong with her. He called to Rebecca’s house, where her sister explained she had gone for a walk.

Another strange sense or feeling, Rebecca noted, led him to London Bridge in search of her.

Rebecca was “crying out to God” for a sign that he was real when her old friend, shocked that he had found her, walked to her side and asked her what she was doing.

Shocked too, Rebecca said she “couldn’t do this anymore” before being told by her old colleague that “God wants you to know that you are so precious, so loved and there is a plan for your life”.

“You’re not supposed to feel like this. You’re supposed to feel free and happy,” he told her.

“That was all I needed,” she said, explaining that such an intervention was enough to make her move home, finish filming for The Tudors and put acting aside for a while.

Back in Ireland she began attending church again, praying, reading the Bible and singing Gospel music.

Noting that she had been to therapists, dieticians and was exercising regularly, it was faith that filled a void in her life. “I made God the number one in my life. I made sure to keep God close. A relationship with God to me is an everyday thing, it’s not just for Sundays,” she said.

The Bible is a great source of nourishment for Rebecca.

“I read the Bible every day. There is something about the Bible. I just adore it. The words are life and bring healing, but it’s not just about reading. I try to apply it,” she said.

Rebecca has been 10 years depression free now and has been back auditioning for acting roles for some time.

She spent two years working in Vancouver and since returning to Ireland has taken up her current role with Spirit Radio and has been focusing on her music career.

Recording

The songstress has just finished recording her EP which is currently being produced in London. Entitled Who I Am, the EP’s multiple tracks are based on love.

In the meantime Rebecca continues to attend Mass with her parents and visit other non-denominational churches, but the most important thing is her “everyday relationship” with God.

She recalls a line from Proverbs that she has adopted as her motto in life: “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”

“So as you think, you’re going to be,” she said. “I just got that.”