Bairbre Cahill
I have been reading Pope Francis on the call to holiness in today’s world. My heart sings when I see him draw upon images of the family to illustrate what he means by holiness. As always with Pope Francis, it is a very down-to-earth holiness. He says, ‘We are all called to be holy by living our lives with love and by bearing witness in everything we do, wherever we find ourselves.’ (Gaudete et Exsultate 14)
The holiness of family life came home to me very powerfully over the past week. I met with some friends, a married couple, for lunch. Our conversation turned to how things were with Michael’s family – I had been aware that two of his brothers have been ill lately. Michael and Teresa have found themselves at the heart of the storm, supporting both brothers, travelling long distances to accompany them to hospital appointments, cleaning homes that have become dishevelled, offering advice, support, love.
They weren’t telling me any of this looking for sympathy or accolades – they were simply telling me how life is at the moment.
It became apparent that Michael is the only one who is in any regular contact with his siblings. His attempts to get them to support each other fall on deaf ears. I was intrigued and had to ask, “Why are you different Michael?” With a bemused smile Michael pointed his thumb across the table at Teresa and said, “It’s her!”
It became clear that Michael’s family had never been close or as he put it, “We were never really a family”. Marrying into Teresa’s large extended family had been something of a culture shock. Being emotionally engaged, talking about feelings, facing painful emotions – these were new and challenging experiences for Michael. It has been a difficult road at times but Teresa will not allow Michael to retreat into ‘splendid isolation’ – even if he’d quite like to at times! And that seems to be the difference. It seems to be why, with Teresa taking the lead, Michael is able to accompany his brothers on a very difficult journey.
This is the stuff of holiness. Pope Francis, drawing upon the Beatitudes, tells us that, “A person who sees things as they truly are and sympathises with pain and sorrow is capable of touching life’s depths and finding authentic happiness.” (Gaudete et Exsultate 76)
Being willing to step outside our own comfort zone and enter into the experience of others, to show real empathy and allow ourselves to be vulnerable is an entry into the Paschal Mystery. The women who remained at the foot of Jesus’ cross were the first to encounter Him risen from the dead. In a world that puts such emphasis on superficial pleasure this can seem like madness and yet, as Pope Francis suggests, such a way of living puts us in touch with what really matters in life and brings us a depth of contentment that sustains us.
Without Teresa would Michael be so engaged with his family? He believes not and that, like his other siblings, he would live at an emotional and psychological distance from them. That brings home to me the capacity of family to wound and limit our development as happened within Michael’s family but also the power of family to redeem, heal, nurture and transform.
This is the stuff of holiness. Incarnation – love made real – is lived out here in scrubbing bathrooms, sitting with a loved one in an Oncologist’s office and challenging each other to be open, honest and real. The character of the Trinity as a dynamic outpouring of love is lived out in the commitment to be there, to travel any distance, to pick up the phone to say, “How are you today?” and, what’s more, be prepared to really listen to the answer.