Bairbre Cahill
Danny and I will be 25 years married on the 25th of this month. I struggle to understand how so much time has passed since we walked together down the aisle of St Patrick’s Church Murlog – my own parish having been rather unfortunately double booked! And yet, so much has happened I wonder how we fitted it all in. Our four children have been born, grown up and now only one remains at home but even he is preparing to fly the nest this time next year.
We have lost many who joined us that day to pray for us and celebrate with us – amongst them Danny’s mother and my father.
To capture something of the last 25 years, I want to gather photographs and put together a slide show of our family life. There are of course pictures of the wedding, which will evoke yet again that question – why did I choose to put my bridesmaids in emerald green dresses?! We have pictures – cute, embarrassing, poignant – of our children as they have grown.
Frequently when we look through the photo albums particular pictures release a wealth of memories and stories: “Do you remember the time when…”
I am very aware that Danny and I have grown into being married. It is certainly not something that happens all at once, on the day of the wedding. If anything, the wedding day is a celebration of desire – we desire to be a married couple, I desire to put my life and my future into your hands and to receive your life and future into mine so that we can journey forwards together.
Over time, with love and courage and generosity that desire is transformed into reality.
Beautiful image
When Pope Francis met with engaged and married couples in the Pro Cathedral in Dublin he told them of an Argentinian saying about marriage: “You are my half of the orange and I am your half of the orange.” That is a beautiful image of how we give ourselves in love to each other.
The reality is though that such loving comes at a cost. It is not easy. We often falter, mess up, have to say sorry and set out once more.
And this is what maybe concerns me most, looking at our own children and those of friends and family. There is a popular narrative around that tells us we should make the choices that make us happy and that if something is not making us happy we should feel free to walk away. It is a narrative that is shaping our culture and our consciousness. Pope Francis often talks about a “throwaway culture” where people and relationships are seen as disposable.
If we allow that culture to shape our understanding of marriage we are in danger. I certainly feel a profound responsibility to help my children understand and want more.
I want them to know that love challenges, demands, stretches our very concept of who we are and what we are capable of. More and more I see the need to challenge the culture that sees commitment as a burden and help our son and daughters develop an understanding of marriage as Sacrament, as a place of God’s presence and action.
I want them to know how sacred a thing it is to hold the heart and soul of another human being within your hand – and to know that such a gift is for life. And I want them to find someone who knows that too.
After 25 years, Danny and I are still growing into the reality of what it means to be married but I thank God to be able to say: “Danny, you are my half of the orange and I am your half of the orange”.