Colm Fitzpatrick
Weddings are becoming more expensive and lavish, writes Colm Fitzpatrick
The notion of marriage often evokes thoughts of togetherness, love and family but now more than ever the financial costs of weddings are playing a central role in a couple’s decision to postpone it.
Weddings nowadays are notoriously expensive, with couples willing to splash out at exorbitant rates in order to create spectacular moments for themselves and their guests. The widely celebrated royal wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle last week has been reported to have cost a staggering €36 million – perhaps a slight overspend? And although this expenditure won’t be reflected in the budgets of Irish people hoping to get married this year, there is a clear precedent in Ireland for costly marriage celebrations.
According to a survey carried about by Confetti magazine, the average spend on an Irish wedding last year was €24,556 with most people budgeting €20,000–30,000. Notably, the majority of those weddings were religious ceremonies, with 61% celebrating the sacrament of marriage in Church. But why is it that people are placing such a hefty price on what is ubiquitously regarded as a priceless day?
One of the most obvious reasons as to why the prices of weddings have hiked in the last few decades is because of a more intense primary focus on making the day memorable, moving, and fun.
“I think that obviously, it’s a personal moment in people’s lives and I suppose they want to do the best, rejoice and celebrate with family and friends – I mean it’s always been that case,” explains Fr Gerry O’Connor.
“I think that what’s different perhaps now – there are different people who get married, people get married older now, they wait until they have the resources to have a good party. I would have been accustomed to people who were together for 15–20 years with three or four children, and they decide to have a wedding ceremony when they can afford it.”
The average age of a bride is now 31 and this is partly due to the long process of saving money between the actual engagement and the marriage itself. The whole day is no longer a quiet affair with close family and friends but a momentous occasion usually perceived to require a large venue, make-up artists and florists. The average cost of the venue is approximately €9,000 and on top of that is a honeymoon estimated to cost €5,000.
For Fr Gerry, this inclination to spend large sums of money on weddings is partly due to Irish culture’s perception of celebration.
“There’s something deeply embedded in the Irish psyche about celebrating weddings and celebrating them well because, for example, I would have been involved in weddings where an alternative was offered where it was less expensive, and took the pressure away.
“And people commented positively but what I noticed was that some of those who positively commented on it got married themselves in a year or 2, they chose the more expensive option,” he says.
One of the factors affecting this mentality is the rise of social media, which can often leave husbands-and-wives-to-be striving to achieve the extravagant weddings they see on sites such as Facebook and Instagram. The litany of images and ideas presented on the web combined with the fact that the whole celebration will be photographed and filmed means that couples want to go all out in making the day unique and impressive. Indeed, with most weddings involving around 170 guests, according to Confetti, prioritising the attendees’ enjoyment is a primary concern.
“In some sense, the sacrament of marriage is a community event and therefore to bring a lot of people together is a good idea. However, there are now all sorts of auxiliaries which are included ranging from special mementos for people, ice cream-vans, the opportunities to take pictures,” says Fr Gerry, noting that wedding celebrations now often have “all sorts of additional extras”.
He does, however, point out that there are also many couples who have “thoughtfully” used the opportunity to connect with one of their favourite charities by asking guests to contribute to that aim. With about 74% of guests willing to give €100 as a wedding present with this figure usually doubled if attending as a couple, getting guests to contribute to a charity is an excellent way to raise funds for an issue of which you are passionate and concerned.
For Fr Gerry, it may be argued that some wedding celebratory attachments may be superfluous such as fireworks, but he suggests that it’s “not necessarily a negative thing that it’s costly or expensive,” stressing, however, that this does not have to be the case. In his former parish in Dublin’s Cherry Orchard, Ballyfermot, Fr Gerry tried to provide an alternative for cash-strapped couples who were eager to get married but working with a tight budget. The parish has offered ‘weddings by candlelight’, mainly in the evenings across the marriage ‘off season’ winter months in addition to its services in-demand summer months.
“I think it’s important to know that people could have a wedding that wouldn’t necessarily cost a lot of money – you could choose, one of the examples we offered was that we would have the wedding in the evening time so that people might just then go to a local bar or hall and maybe there would be some finger food at way less expense. It’s equally a community event but without a high overhead,” Fr Gerry explains.
Big day
While making sure that everybody enjoys the big day, Fr Gerry does worry whether the extra celebrations can displace the importance of the marriage itself.
“Sometimes I might have a little bit more concern whether the full meaning of what is happening from the sacramental point of view, whether that’s given enough thought,” he says, noting that many couples are choosing a civil wedding because traditional marriage is no longer perceived as desirable.
For the Catholic marriage care service, Accord, the most important element of a church wedding is for the couple to experience the sacrament of marriage not as a one-day event but as the beginning of a journey that includes God, their children, their wider families, community and all of society.
“As their wedding day approaches the couple, together with their priest, prepare and decide on the details of the marriage liturgy, for example, readings that may have a special meaning for them, as well as appropriate hymns that may be performed on the day. The couple are aware that receiving the sacrament on their wedding day is a blessing for the rest of their lives,” a spokesperson for the organisation says.
“The essence of a church marriage is that the couple decide to exchange their wedding vows in a church surrounded and witnessed by their loving family and friends. Each couple wishes for their wedding to be a memorable occasion for all in attendance. For it to be truly special, a wedding day ought to be a carefully prepared, intimate occasion and need not be a large scale spectacle with the associated high costs for the couple.”
In Fr Gerry’s experience, in spite of the incredible costs that couples are willing to pay for the wedding of their dreams, he says that on the “whole” betrothed-to-be usually show some signs of wider thinking in choosing to marry in a Church, especially when they have other options available which are more publicised and accepted.
His final message to all couples across Ireland, who are curtailing marriage because of the expense it may entail, is to not let this thought stop you from pursuing it.
“If I had a message to say to couples, don’t let the cost of a wedding be the barrier to deciding to have one.”