Maria ByrneGood quality relationships with siblings promotes the development of sympathy
My eldest son recently took part in the marathon canoe race, the Liffey Descent. It was first held in 1959 and attracts competitors from all over the world who enjoy the challenge and the unique atmosphere of fun and camaraderie.
As parents, we all get a bit of a thrill when we see one of our children training hard or pushing themselves to go that extra mile to achieve a goal. I was more than a little worried at the thought of the 10 weirs that my son had to negotiate that day. Mixed with the anxiety was a strong sense of pride.
Only three years earlier, my son had been in hospital for brain surgery and I’d never imagined that, in a few short years, he’d be careering down the Liffey rapids at breakneck speed without any of the concern of his nervous mother.
When any family member goes on a journey or rises to a challenge, it’s not only that person who’s involved – the whole family shares in the joy of success.
Crisp morning
On that crisp but glorious autumn morning, as well as an excited mother, father and grandfather, there were three enthusiastic sisters and one younger brother who looked like he was only too eager to join in the fun. My husband kept a firm grip on his hand – the water looked a little too chilly for any early morning life-saving attempts.
He still managed to lean over the bridge in time to wave admiringly as his big brother paddled swiftly by.
For the rest of the day, we followed the race around and we were all waiting at the finishing line at the Garda Boat Club in Islandbridge, Dublin, to cheer one happy but exhausted competitor across the finishing line.
I’ll always remember the sights and sounds, the bright colours and endless variety of the Liffey Descent. I’d never been a spectator at the annual race before and it was a really amazing spectacle. However, the best memory is of the reactions of the children every time we raced to another bridge to catch a glimpse of my son. There was such passion and exhilaration in their voices as they shouted out: “There he is! No, there he is!”
They spotted pink oars and yellow oars, blue and purple kayaks until eventually, in the distance, appeared the flash of red oars and the striking green that told them it was their brother.
Isn’t that what family is all about, really? It’s not just about parents, acting alone, trying to struggle to manage one or more children. It’s not a ‘them and us’ scenario with parents on one side and children on the other.
It’s a family affair, and the more we view the efforts of a family member as being intertwined with the efforts of all, the closer and more effective we become.
I don’t believe it’s a positive development if any child in a household becomes removed from the general goings-on in the home. Of course, every child can’t be involved in everything, but there should be an interest in what each person is doing, and active support, even if this just involves an affirming pat on the back or a “Well done!”
A recent study conducted by Brigham Young University in the US found that good quality relationships with a child’s brother or sister promoted the development of sympathy. Good sibling relationships also increased teenagers’ levels of altruism which manifested itself in behaviours that showed selfless concern for the well-being of others.
The research concluded that having a loving sibling prompted children to carry out good deeds such as assisting a neighbour or looking out for other children in school.
The majority of parents don’t need evidence from a survey to see the positive influence a sibling can have. It can be something as simple as the kindness of a child who encourages a younger brother or sister to do the dishes for mammy or reads a story to a toddler while a parent tends to the new baby.
I have one daughter who loves giving. If it wasn’t for her, I’m not sure if I’d ever see a birthday or Christmas present.
She researches novel gifts online and gently persuades her two older brothers to produce the cash to finance her elaborate surprises. The less dynamic child might not be a good organiser, but could have endless patience while teaching a sibling to draw or play the guitar.
Laura Padilla-Walker, the lead author of the survey, suggested that the message for parents of young children is to encourage sibling affection.
Positive effect
The positive effect of these childhood connections has a protective quality which lasts right into adolescence. From a Christian perspective, the message of using one’s talents for the benefit of others is a Gospel theme which parents should help children to engage with in a practical, hands-on way.
I love the quote by the author Marc Brown: “Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero.”
For children, parental influence is monumental, but the everyday heroic gestures exhibited by siblings are no small factor in a child’s ongoing growth and development and helps to build bonds that last a lifetime.
So, next time a child is grumbling about an annoying brother or sister, it might be time to remind them of how lucky they really are.