Courtney McGrailRest is an essential part of the natural rhythm God inbuilt into the world, writes Kate Middleton
Kate Middleton
Relaxation can feel like the least of your problems when life has gone crazy and your stress levels are at the max. “If only I had the time!” you might be thinking, or “Chance would be a fine thing”.
We tend to treat relaxation as something we do once everything else is done – it’s that thing we do on holidays or perhaps on Christmas Day after we’ve eaten too much. The rest of the time, it isn’t something that comes easily. A recent study found that many people find themselves feeling guilty if they spend any significant time relaxing in the average week. We talk about ‘guilty pleasures’ but for some of us anything that doesn’t involve being productive is exactly that – and as a result it’s something we do very rarely, as a special treat or on a special occasion.
The problem with this attitude is that relaxation is part of this great work-rest cycle which is a central feature of the design structure of our bodies. If we never learn to incorporate it into the regular rhythm of our life, we are very likely to start to find ourselves struggling with problems due to stress. Although admittedly some personality types find relaxation easier than others, it is something we all need to learn to do.
Right from the start we can see the importance of times of rest and relaxation reflected in the Bible – most notably in the laws that God gave to his people. In the midst of the commandments, alongside instructions not to murder or worship any other Gods, we see this:
“Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. For six days you shall labour and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath for Yahweh your God.” (Exodus 20:8-11)
The priority of this commandment is demonstrated in its position in the list of commandments – fourth out of the ten. That’s before “You shall not murder”, before “Honour your father and mother”, before “You shall not steal”. It is important! And yet although most of us would not think of breaking these other commandments, we probably break this one more regularly than any.
Rest and relaxation is a vital, central part of the way God designed people, and the natural rhythm God inbuilt into the world. It is part of how we balance the demands and stresses of life, ensuring that our health remains good and our energy topped up. We are renewed through rest, and this is particularly important at times when we are very busy. Times of rest and relaxation that we plan into our week, far from being time wasted or poorly used, may well be the most important things we do all week.
Relaxation is all about finding things to do that offer your body and mind the chance to wind down. It counteracts the risk of our stress levels beginning to become chronically raised and keeps us healthy, energised and ready to go.
Relaxation therefore can be physical relaxing – in that it helps our bodies to turn down the physiological components of stress – and/or cognitively relaxing – allowing our brains to switch off. Some activities can score high on both. It’s good to be aware what activities might be relaxing in which ways – and to realise that these vary between people.
Blood pressure
For example, for me, taking a nice hot bath can be relaxing in both ways. The warmth of the water is very physically relaxing, and aids muscle relaxation as well as slowing my cardiovascular system and reducing my blood pressure. But the peace and quiet of the room also allows my racing brain the chance to slow down and shutting the door momentarily on the rest of the world creates an oasis of headspace for me.
However, some people find that in the same circumstances their brain would start to run wild and obsessive or intrusive thoughts or worries might well become a problem.
For this to be a cognitively relaxing experience, they’d need to add something to occupy their brain without it being too taxing. The radio, for example, or a book or magazine to read.
It is important that we are self-aware and honest enough to experiment with relaxing activities, and to learn for ourselves which are successful in which ways.
One thing to be aware of is the risk of falling into a trap that I have found to be all too common amongst people I have worked with for stress-related problems. Very often people who are very driven and productive choose things to do in their non-work time which are equally driven and productive!
So, they go out running, but unsatisfied with that on its own, train for a marathon or triathlon. They go to take a bath but take with them their latest management textbook or report they need to read for work.
While on the surface they are taking time out, the reality is that they are offering their brains little or no time to relax.
What is really important to remember is that relaxation, just like anything else, is a skill. It takes time to get good at it, and to get to know yourself and what works best for you.
Make a start by planning regular slots into your week for relaxation. Ideally you would make space for it every day (before bed is a good time as it will also help you wind down for sleep), but perhaps start by aiming for three/four times a week.
You can vary when and how you plan these slots – see what works best. But remember the order of the rhythm – work comes first! Most of your relaxation time will follow on from work – in your lunch hour maybe, or after work, in evenings and at the weekend.
Once you have planned some slots into your week ahead, it is time to think about some things to try out. Think of things that are physically relaxing and things that are more cognitively relaxing. Remember that some things might energise you at first, but have a long term relaxing impact – exercise for example.
Remember also that you might be able to combine some of these ideas. So, read your book in the bath, or go for a long walk with a friend and catch up at the same time!
And finally, a word about the Sabbath rhythm. We’ve talked about building rest and relaxation into your life but we haven’t specifically mentioned that big challenge – taking a whole day off each week.
Listen: I know how hard it is. I have a family, a house to keep (vaguely) tidy, people to feed, homework to supervise, various freelance jobs… It would be hard to fit that stuff into eight days, never mind six!
But I know how important that rhythm is, so I always try to have one day a week where work is at least off the menu. That means the laptop goes off and emails are not checked. I use the time for my family and to spend extra time with God, things that I know are restful and feed my body spirit and soul.
I’ll be honest: it doesn’t work every week. But it is my aim, because I know that it is God’s best for me – God’s ideal.
Edited extract taken from Kate Middleton’s book Refuel: How to balance work, life, faith and church – without burning out, published by Darton, Longman and Todd. The book is available from The Irish Catholic for €12.99 by contacting Geraldine on 01-6874095 or geraldine@irishcatholic.ie
Some relaxation ideas:
l Things that are physically relaxing – take a hot bath; go and have a massage; burn an aromatherapy candle while reading; relaxation exercises.
l Exercise – go running/swimming/for a bike ride; play sport with a friend or join a sports team; go to an exercise class.
l Things that distract you from your worries/occupy your mind – reading a good (non-work) book, watching a film/going to the cinema; watching TV.
l Creative time – sewing/knitting/embroidery; learning/practising an instrument; painting; woodwork, etc.
l Seeking social support – meeting up with friends; catching up over a coffee/beer; calling someone on the phone.