From birth in a mother and baby home to a life full of gratitude, one former resident shares her feelings as told to Jason Osborne
I have no memories of the sisters of the Good Shepherd as I was only a baby when I was in the home in Dunboyne in the 1970s. My mother spent a few months there prior to my birth, and I would have spent some time there as a new-born prior to my adoption.
At the very beginning of my search for my biological family, I wrote to the Good Shepherd Sisters to try get some information as I didn’t know how or where to begin searching. They sent me back a very nice letter, and it was warm and reassuring in the sense that it mentioned that in Dunboyne the girls and their babies were looked after, and it was a nice place. They directed me to the agency which held my file which was St Brigid’s, the Holy Faith Sisters, where I could get further information. All other interaction I had from then on was with St Brigid’s.
I get a good impression of that particular home, and, after reading the report on it, it appears to have been a home where women and their babies were cared for and looked after.
I feel grateful to everyone there who looked after me. I was baptised in the nearby Church of Ss Peter and Paul at the Easter Vigil, about two weeks after I was born, so the sisters would have helped in the organisation of that. My Baptism is something I think of a lot, and something which is very important to me, being the beginning of my faith journey.
I think that the sisters would have provided the best care that they could with the resources that they had, that’s my own feeling on it. I honestly don’t know where my mother could have gone if the home wasn’t an option.
My adoptive parents never formally told me that I was adopted. The only reference I remember was my mam saying that they walked into a room full of babies and picked me out of all the babies there.
Shock
Finding out that I was adopted came as quite a shock to me. I was always of a curious nature as a child, and would often search through drawers and presses at home, and, one day in the middle of one of my ‘normal searches’ as I rummaged through some clothes in the chest of drawers, I found a letter confirming the adoption order. It felt like I was reading about someone else and not me. I kept repeating the words over and over to myself. “I was adopted”. I had to keep saying it to myself to get it to sink in. I never said anything to my parents of what I had discovered that day. I just kept it to myself and tried to make sense of it, and then, all the questions flooded into my mind as to who I was, where I came from, and who my biological parents were, etc.
I am the person I am today because of my time there – because I was adopted. That was the road map for my life.
If I hadn’t been adopted I wouldn’t be married to my husband now. I wouldn’t have the children I have, I wouldn’t have the amazing extended family and friends that I have. The path that unfolded before me had to have been planned out for me by God, because it has made me into who I am, and has given me a different perspective on many things in life.
Both sides
I’ve seen both sides of the adoption story. The sorrow and the joy and how they merge together and my place in the centre of all of that. I have crossed paths with so many amazing people on the journey. I know that I wasn’t part of anyone’s plans back then, but I believe that I was part of God’s plan because my adoptive parents were so overjoyed to have me in their lives. They were amazing parents who loved me so much they couldn’t even tell me that I was adopted. In their eyes I was theirs and that’s all there was to it. I grew up as an only child, my parents devoted themselves completely to me. I wasn’t spoiled with material things, but I was spoiled with their time and their love. My mam stayed home full time with me. They brought me everywhere with them. I was never left with anyone. If they couldn’t bring me somewhere with them, they just didn’t go.
Gift
My adoptive parents handed on the gift of faith to me and that has been, and is, the foundation stone of my life. It has got me through lots of difficult times, including the tedious and constant searching that was an everyday trial for quite a long time for me.
I have come to be more open to allowing things to happen in my life in God’s way and in God’s time so it has helped me to be more patient in that regard.
My time in the Good Shepherd Home both as an unborn and as a new-born has made me reflect deeper on the sanctity of human life and I have always felt a strong connection to the unborn and got involved for some time with Cura [the crisis pregnancy agency]. I personally felt very affected by the results of the abortion referendum here in Ireland and broke into tears when the results were announced.
I recognise and appreciate that a lot of sacrifices were made for me. My biological mother made a huge sacrifice in having me, and then giving me up for adoption. My adoptive parents made sacrifices for me in devoting their time completely to me.
My mam gave great witness to her vocation as a mother, by staying at home with me full-time, and this was something that I wanted to hand on to my own children. These particular parents who were chosen for me, shaped my life and the life of my family today. My life stems from, and is shaped by, the circumstances around my birth. I am who I am because I was adopted, and I believe I am who God wants me to be.
I think that with adoption, the light of hope is left on, and it leaves room for love to grow and be shared in very difficult circumstances, and it brings with it the possibility for future reunions, whereas with abortion, it’s much more final, and there are no reunions. With adoption, life is changed but not ended and there is a focus placed on the life of the child. The child’s life is seen as important and that life matters. I feel heartbroken that abortion seems to have replaced adoption in Ireland. So many couples today would love to be able to adopt a baby, and sadly that choice is not there for them.
Tears
Abortion moves me to tears, because I was in a position where my life was literally in someone else’s hands, in a situation where everything was quite bleak, and I was given a chance. I had a home in the womb for nine months and was carried safely into the world.
Sadly, the womb is no longer a safehouse for many unborn babies in our world today as many are evicted through the horror of abortion and the global crisis of homelessness now has the unborn in its clasp. How many of the 6,666 babies whose life was ended in Ireland in the first year of abortion could have been the future scientists, teachers, front line workers etc of tomorrow? What reports will we be looking back in horror at in 30/40 years’ time? Will our deafness to the silent screams in the womb today be the report of tomorrow?
I feel blessed to have been adopted and not aborted. I thank God for my life and I thank my biological mother for all that she endured because of me, all the sacrifices she made to ensure that I was placed into a good home and family. I am forever grateful.
The former resident who shared her feelings and experiences wished to remain anonymous and is known to The Irish Catholic.