Mary KennyMary Kenny looks at ‘blame’ and ‘responsibility’
Are women unfairly blamed when orgy-like scenes of sexual indulgence – such as those made notorious by the resort of Magaluf – are seen?
The image of the young woman from Northern Ireland who performed oral sex on 24 young men has gone global, and many have been the denunciations of such degrading episodes. But feminists claim that it is unfair to condemn or deplore the behaviour of the young women – often teenage girls high on drink and drugs – and not the young men.
Yes, in times gone by, the nuns who taught us would warn that “girls set the values” – and that is why it is important for girls to insist on moral standards, because “boys will sink as low as girls let them”.
You could call this ‘blaming women’, or ‘holding women responsible’, but you could also say it was grounded in the notion that young females often are more responsible in their behaviour – and often do have higher standards – than young males.
In a way, being more upset when young women are seen to behave badly, is a feminist attitude – since it implies that better judgement and conduct are expected from women.
The scientific biologists take a similar view. In animal species, such as among frogs and toads, the male will do anything the female permits.
The male frog will mate with anything, but the female repulses the male if she thinks he is not a good specimen. She will only accept the male if she considers him a decent frog.
The biologists would say our attitudes are shaped by species evolution and females have often controlled male behaviour. Is this “blaming” women – or assigning to women a higher sense of social responsibility?
My summer reading
At this time of the year, it is the practice for newspapers and magazines to publish their ‘summer reading’ lists, whereby reviewers nominate their recommended reads over the holiday season. It is the custom to confine such recommendations to contemporary books published within the last year.
I must own that I find many modern novels either depressing or difficult. Or they just donít seem to mean very much to me. I do try to read at least one newly published novel a month, but it can be a struggle.
So, for my own summer reading, I’ve been going back to the oldies, especially the short stories of the Cork writer Frank O’Connor (pictured), which I’m rediscovering all over again. O’Connor wrote with a deceptive simplicity: he draws you into his narratives straight away, but his wife, Harriet O’Donovan, explained in foreword to one of the collections, that he would think about the theme and shape of a story for a long time before committing it to paper.
He also captures an Ireland now long gone ñ indeed, an Ireland often denounced as cruel and dark. But O’Connor, who was an independent-minded person and did not defer to any establishment, portrays his people as individuals of spirit, humanity and wit. Realism and human problems such as loneliness are described with ruefulness, but not despair. The collection I’m reading now is called A Life of Your Own, first published in 1965, and every page is a pleasure, without ever being saccharine-sweet. Highly recommended ñ for summer, or any other time of the year.
True stories of ‘unwanted persons’
Dolores Averio, mother of Cristiano Ronaldo, the 29-year-old Portuguese champion footballer, has admitted that when she was pregnant with her famous son, she tried to get an abortion. A doctor refused to terminate the pregnancy, so Dolores tried to drink enough beer, and put herself through some strenuous exertions, to try and trigger a miscarriage.
Thankfully, Cristiano survived, and they can now talk about the episode openly.
Surely it’s evidence that an unwanted pregnancy is not always an unwanted person.
And the life of James Garner, the film actor, who has died aged 86, shows that a wretchedly unhappy childhood doesn’t always lead to a broken life.
Garner lost his mother – who was half-Cherokee – when he was four. His father was a feckless alcoholic who beat his children, abandoned them, and then, when he married again, subjected them to a cruel, child-beating stepmother.
As a teenager, James was left to fend for himself in Los Angeles. After service in the Korean War, he found acting, by chance, but made a success of it, and became an accomplished screen star, partnering Audrey Hepburn, Doris Day and Julie Andrews. His personal life was remarkably stable – he was married to the same wife, Lois, for 58 years. “Marriage is like the army,” he quipped wittily, “everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number of people who re-enlist.”
Garner was apparently easy-going and affable. He rose above a bad start in life. Inspiring.