Wendy GraceSocial networking is changing how we communicate, and maybe not for the better, writes Wendy Grace
I remember buying my first mobile phone, well it was more like a brick than a phone. Up until that point if a friend wanted to get in touch, they would have to call my house and actually speak to me and hear my voice. Do people even have house phones anymore? In a very short period of time how we communicate has changed dramatically and it continues to evolve almost daily at a pace that is hard to keep up with.
The reality is that for most of us we would find it fairly difficult to live without social media. Are your social media channels the first thing you check in the morning and the last thing you look at before you head to sleep? Social media has created so many ways to stay in touch and access information, but overall is it sabotaging any meaningful communication?
An instant message simply cannot tell us how someone is actually doing. About 93% of communication is non-verbal, for example body language and tone – these are the signs that tell us someone isn’t fine even when they tell us that they are. This non-verbal communication can’t be encompassed in an emoticon. We can hide behind our carefully chosen picture or post, or, with a well-thought-out text, we can create our own illusion, one that can so often be based on superficiality versus authenticity. We can hide who we really are or how we are feeling behind an instant message.
Not only is it changing how we communicate in our personal lives but it is changing how we work. Forbes recently reported on a study that graduates would prefer to use e-mail or instant messenger to communicate with a colleague rather than talk with them face-to-face (often across their own desk). The knock-on effect of this means it is more difficult to build trust and relationships in the workplace.
Another effect of social media is that it is also taking away something very precious: time. How much time is wasted scrolling through Facebook or watching pointless YouTube videos? The average amount of time spent on social media each day is 1.72 hours. For a world that says we’re too busy for everything couldn’t we do a lot with nearly 12 hours a week? You could have caught up with real people in that time.
I’m sure you have been asked the question have you talked to ‘so and so’ recently? To which you respond, yes, I was Facebook messaging them the other day. Even with your close friends you can spend more time socialising online than with real face-to-face contact.
Social media has been shown to be correlated to a rise in narcissism in our society – how we feel on a given day can be impacted by the number of interactions we might receive on our latest selfie. Our obsession with portraying the ‘best’ version of our lives, a false reality in some cases has gotten totally out of hand.
Selfies
Do you repeatedly check your Facebook to see how many ‘likes’ your latest post has received? Do you re-take selfies to make sure you’re showing your best side?
When you Facetime or Skype, are you looking at yourself on the screen or the other person you are talking too? There is a danger of having two personas: your online one and then the real you. Do you always remember which is which?
Social media seems to be making it hard to simply live in the present and be fully in the moment. Any experience we have from food to a beautiful sunset, immediately has to be captured with a phone camera.
Often we miss out on the moment because we were too busy trying to upload it onto social media.
Many people won’t admit it, but we have all been guilty of social media stalking. You can learn far too much about a person from the internet now. All too often someone’s internet persona can be entirely different from who they are in reality.
You could end up making a decisive judgment about someone before you have ever even met them. Those of us who’ve experienced a Facebook-era breakup have felt our heartstrings cruelly attacked by our ex’s status updates and photos, and even worse, by photos from our past with them – immortalised forever by the social network.
Social media
Probably one of the worst things about social media is online bulling. It is so easy for people to hide behind the computer screen and say terrible vitriolic things they would never be brave enough to say in reality. Social media has opened up a whole new world of nastiness and cruelty and has had serious and sometimes fatal consequences for many people who have been a victim of persistent online ‘trolling’.
Most worryingly might be the effect this is having on our minds.
Our brains are malleable organs. In the last decade, as our mode of digital communication has become shorter and quicker, our brains have been adjusting to our fast-paced speed of life. But not in a good way.
Those 140-character Tweets and 6-second Vines are wreaking havoc on our attention spans, which 10 years ago averaged about 12 minutes. Today our attention spans can be as short as five seconds. Have you ever found yourself not being motivated to watch something online because it’s longer than a few minutes? But there is more at stake than this, losing our attention span is causing us to be more forgetful and less productive.
Only time and further research will reveal the full effect social media is having on our brains, but already research shows that visiting social media sites triggers the release of certain hormones like adrenalin, which is addictive.
Again ask yourself how much do you panic when there is no 3G or WiFi accessible to you for a prolonged period of time?
Social media of course has many positives: we can now communicate across the globe, reconnect with old friends and find new ones, you might even find your future spouse online, and it can facilitate bringing people together.
Only recently, after the news of the horrific tragedy in Berkeley in San Francisco reached our shores, Foxrock Parish put out details on social media of a vigil that was taking place that evening. Within a short space of time people began to gather and kept coming to pray for those affected until 2am that morning. So maybe that is the key, social media being a springboard to a person-based community and real social interaction. On a night such as that, an online group chat could in no way ever replace the solace and support people got from one another by coming together.
The answer
So what then is the answer? I think the simple answer is moderation. Maybe everyone doesn’t need to know what you ate for breakfast, or you could try enjoying that hug at the airport or anniversary surprise for just a few moments longer before you have to Instagram it. Limit the amount of time you spend on social media, how much time you actually need to stay in touch, and get your daily news dose. Swap your social media time for making an effort to meet friends face-to-face.
Why not ask yourself, do you really need a phone when you’re going for that walk, do you really need to get your texts when you’re out for that romantic dinner?
Try ditching your phone every day for a few hours, I even challenge you to go one whole day – perhaps try phone-free Sunday without using social media; instead meet people, talk to them, and enjoy the moment.