Most priests are just delighted to see bums on seats, regardless of people’s personal situations, writes Sarah Carey
I didn’t give the Synod on the Family much notice. The right thing to do is read the original documents to see what’s actually been said before coming to any conclusions. But I’ve a pile of reading to do for some upcoming work and that’s taking precedence.
I don’t bother with the newspaper accounts of the event because I know from experience that most of what you read in the papers is completely wrong. But the other reason is that, in one sense, the synod is a very distant thing.
Whatever is decided in Rome, our congregation will carry on attending Mass, saying their prayers, throwing themselves into community life and running the parish. The nuanced aspects of theology seem almost irrelevant. The only impact on the parish is when it comes to something like the liturgical changes, which still have us all mixed up.
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But mostly, the parish and Rome are a million miles apart and I often wonder if there’s a case to be made for simply breaking the link. In Monty Python fashion, what has Rome ever done for us? But that’s a debate for another day. In the meantime I’m left with a sense that the synod could have said something nice about gay people but instead drew back.
My first instinct when I heard this was to shrug my shoulders. So what? I always say, the priest isn’t standing at the door of the church asking people what they believe or what their circumstances are. If you’re gay, divorced or like many people, practising contraception, does anyone really care?
I’d be amazed if you’d find any pastor in a modern parish who would judge any of his congregation. He’s probably just delighted to see bums on seats, regardless of their personal turmoil.
I also wondered why gay people would care what the men in fine robes in Rome thought of them. If I was gay, wouldn’t it be simpler just to walk away from the Catholic Church and find a Church that welcomed me? The Anglicans or humanists don’t seem to carry on with all this nonsense, so why not go where you’re welcomed?
But then I remembered that one of the reasons I like being a part of a congregation – especially a rural one – is precisely because it’s not self-selecting. The essence of the Catholic Church is the parish and the community. You don’t choose to opt-in, you simply are a parishioner. People might not show up to Mass every week – or at all – but they are still members of a wider parish-based community with the priest at its centre.
Family
When there’s a wedding, christening or funeral, school opening or St Patrick’s Day parade, the church is like a family. We don’t go round from church to church like Americans, choosing the one that suits us best. It’s not a restaurant. And that’s its strength – the sense of equality – that we’re all in this together and on the bad days and good, people pack out the church and acknowledge their interdependence.
So how it would it feel to know that you’re not really welcome? Of course it would hurt to be thought of as “other” – the odd ones. And that’s what Rome appears to be saying. Those bishops are still chewing the cud and hesitating, wondering how far they can go.
What the conservatives don’t seem to realise is that the people are far ahead of them on this issue. Families, who 20 years ago might have thought a son or daughter coming out was a disaster, have only one wish for their gay children – to see them happy. And being openly accepted by society is key to anyone’s happiness.
Even if a gay man or woman says “Sod off so” to the Church, it must hurt their church-going families to know there is only a guarded welcome for their family member. It creates a tension that is completely unnecessary.
Semantics
I think we all know without any hesitation what Jesus would do. He always made a point of reaching out – to the prostitutes, sinners and lepers. If he were walking around today, does anyone seriously believe he’d be arguing semantics about where exactly homosexuals stand? Of course not. He’d be extending non-judgmental open arms to gay people. That is what most people do within their own families and circle of friends on a daily basis, and the message that I think Pope Francis is trying to persuade the hierarchy to accept.
When the people and Rome are so far apart on this issue, maybe more and more people will ask themselves if it’s time to discuss a bottom-up, rather than top-down approach to their Church. I think that’s what Pope Francis appears to understand. The conservatives will need to get a move on, or by the time they change, it’ll be too late.