Maria ByrneA parent’s perspective with Maria Byrne
People often tell you to trust in God when you’re going through a particularly tough or chaotic time. The words slip easily off the lips and are easier to say to someone who is experiencing some difficulty than to really live them when you’re the one who’s in trouble.
When my son needed money for his wedding last year, I assured him that the Lord would provide. It’s a pity I wasn’t so faith-filled when I realised that I’d forgotten to pay our last gas bill, miscalculated my tax returns figure and waited irritably to see if we were going to be among the “lucky” few to receive the first batch of water charges bills. I love posting positive slogans on my Facebook page about how “All’s well that ends well”, but I think this is more to reassure myself that this really is true rather than because of any great optimistic spirit.
The recent bank holiday Easter Monday was such a lovely day that, there was no legitimate excuse not to get out and soak up those all-too-rare rays of sunshine.
I’d heard that O’ Connell Street was to be transformed into the Dublin of “the rare ould times” as part of the lead up to the Easter Rising commemorations.
Carousel
The whole thoroughfare was like a scene from 1915, complete with old-fashioned stalls, a vintage carousel, a horse-drawn hearse and a giant gramophone. Actors re-enacting scenes from the past and colourful street performers added to the realism of the superbly organised event.
It should have been a day to remember for all the right reasons. Unfortunately, we were transported back to 1915 in more ways than we’d expected. Our phone network was down all day making it impossible to contact our two teenage daughters who’d decided to fast forward back to the 21st Century to head off shopping.
Add to the mix an anxious eight-year-old who had conjured up images of her sisters lying dead in a dark alleyway and we were left with no option but to trudge up and down the street for an hour and a half to the strains of Daisy, Daisy, Give Me Your Answer, Do. We eventually got our answer when two bags-laden ladies emerged from McDonalds, not a bother on them. “All’s well that ends well” was muttered gratefully yet again.
So often, in day-to-day family life, we’re challenged by ever-changing circumstances and the little unexpected ups and downs of life.
Our resolve to look on the bright side can quickly disappear, and, even the most naturally optimistic of us can crumple. I just realised recently that my own pretty dramatic way of dealing with the unexpected could affect how some of my children react to unforeseen events. An overactive imagination has resulted in me living through numerous worst-case scenarios – a plane disappearing on a flight tracker has definitely crashed; the man checking the gas metre is a candidate for next week’s Crimecall and a son who misses a scheduled bus must have fallen into the nearest river. I don’t usually express my fears, but children have a strange way of picking up our unspoken cues and can mirror our actions and emotions.
I have a habit of running around at top speed, tidying as I go, when I hear unexpected visitors are about to call in. I noticed that my four-year-old has started doing the same, running around yelling “quick, quick, quick” in full mock-panic mode. My daughter’s worries at the ‘Road to the Rising’ event in Dublin were, on a childish level, reflections of my own, without the maturity level necessary to dismiss such wild imaginings.
People who have a natural inclination to look on the bright side are often praised for their positivity. My own opinion is that some people are born worriers and others have the ability to believe that everything will work out fine, even if all the evidence before their eyes suggests otherwise.
Inclinations
For Christians, our sense of hope isn’t just based on our natural inclinations, but on the belief that even when everything is conspiring against us, God is on our side.
Strategies that parents can utilise to encourage optimism and to deal with children’s anxieties focus on finding the good in every situation.
Maybe a rainy day scuppered picnic plans, but a pyjamas day watching old movies and munching popcorn can be just as much fun. Children may engage in negative self-talk, but we can easily encourage them to change the play list to a more positive tone. They lost a match, but maybe they played particularly well. They failed a French test, but maybe they did brilliantly in German.
Then, there are the times when there doesn’t seem to be any positive side, when all appears to be lost.
It could be a death or serious illness that turns a child’s world upside down. It might be the breakdown of family relationships or their parents’ marriage.
At times like this, the usual bright and breezy phrases aren’t helpful.
This is the time for a hope based on faith. G.K. Chesterton spoke of Christian optimism and described hope as “hoping when everything seems hopeless”. It’s the gift that Pope Francis described as “a constant expectation” more than simple optimism, the “miracle of renewal” that never lets us down.