Bairbre Cahill
For the vitality of our parishes we need the courage, wisdom and right judgement to forge a new path, writes Bairbre Cahill
I may as well lay my cards on the table from the outset – I would take sacramental preparation out of Catholic schools. That may seem drastic, so why am I suggesting it? At the moment we have a production line system where virtually every baptised child in a Catholic primary school will go through the sacraments irrespective of whether Faith is a living reality in their lives outside of school.
This is undermining the integrity of sacramental preparation and the Catholic ethos of our schools. Moreover, the reality is that a production-line system of sacramental preparation is inappropriate if we want to take our children’s Faith journey seriously. This is certainly not the fault of the teachers but of a system tries to deal with sacramental preparation disconnected from a life of Faith. Moving sacramental preparation into our parishes would encourage – indeed demand – a re-animation of our parishes as communities of Faith and places of evangelisation.
We are all familiar with the scene – a lovely Saturday in May and ninety children from the local school receive their First Holy Communion. Sunday morning comes and there are ten of those children at Mass and there may well be a homily from the parish priest which contains a few barbed and frustrated comments on the fact that most of our First Communion children have disappeared.
Scenario
It is the same scenario played out in parishes around the country every year. We complain that ‘it is only a day out for them’ – and yet we do not address the underlying issues. We keep doing the same thing in terms of preparation and expect different outcomes.
For many years I have been working with families whose children are preparing for the sacraments. My aim is to get parents talking about their own Faith, why they had their child baptised, what difference they want Faith to make in their child’s life, how they see their own role as parents and the role of the family in the preparation of their child.
Together we create a space in which the opportunities and challenges, the strengths and doubts about Faith and about sacramental preparation can be aired. I am very clear with parents that they have a choice here – to reaffirm their Faith or to decide not to take that next step in terms of sacramental preparation if it does not ring true for them as a family. I invite them to be honest with themselves and with what they are asking of their children.
I want parents to reflect on their own lives, their own experience. I invite them to think about how their home is a holy place, how through the daily business of family life – cooking meals, helping with homework, setting boundaries, loving, laughing, being together – God’s own love becomes a reality, becomes incarnate, in that family.
I’m inviting them to see the echoes of Eucharist in their daily lives – how they forgive each other and rebuild relationships, how they share their lives, gather round the kitchen table for dinner, send their children out into the world, how they pour themselves out in love for their children – just as Jesus gives himself to us utterly and completely in the Eucharist.
Foundation
What I really want to do is empower parents to know that they are the first teachers of Faith and without them there is little or no foundation.
First teachers of Faith – that is a phrase we throw around as if saying it is enough. But what have we done to actually enable parents to take ownership of that role? Some years ago, I did research with parents of children preparing for First Holy Communion. I discovered a number of challenging issues.
We have parents who are happy with the status quo. We have parents who are involved in and committed to their Faith but feel the school is taking over and side-lining them with regard to sacramental preparation. We have other parents who are completely disconnected and see it as entirely the school’s responsibility and view the sacramental celebration itself as little more than a social occasion or ‘coming of age’ celebration.
We have parents who are not currently involved in their Faith but don’t want to walk away. They are open to exploring their Faith, perhaps to re-engage but the system at the moment is offering little opportunity for that. We have parents who are quite negative about Faith and Church but who feel that they are part of a production line system in schools so therefore do not really have any choice and so they go with the flow.
A one-size-fits-all approach is inadequate to address the variety of needs and challenges these families present.
There is the real issue with the ‘production line’ attitude towards the sacraments and the fundamental weakness of school-based preparation. It does not encourage honesty, ownership and commitment. If anything, it undermines them, and that is something that many teachers are very aware of and frustrated by.
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I have also worked with children who are preparing for the sacraments, particularly Confirmation, running days of retreat for them in a variety of schools around Donegal. I have now come to a point where I am not prepared to do any more school-based retreats. Why? I have had an increasing sense that I am involved in a process of forcing square pegs into round holes. Probably 60% of the children in any group I work with have little to no experience of Faith as a living reality outside of school.
As an ice breaker to get them talking, I use a game called Agree Middle Disagree where I pose a statement and they take up a position in the room agree, middle or disagree. It is eye-opening to see what comes out in that context
What do you do when you have children making it very clear that they do not pray at all outside of school?
When children say they don’t think Faith has anything to offer them?
When children say they don’t think the Holy Spirit has any influence within their lives?
When a child goes so far as to say: “I don’t believe in the Holy Spirit, I think it’s a really stupid idea”
And yet, we are confirming all these children.
Then there are other children who are very clear about how important prayer is to them, how it supports them, how Faith has kept their family going in tough times or through bereavements. There are children who have a wonderful, simple eloquence about their Faith. Within a couple of months all these children will be confirmed together. And we would have to ask, confirmed in what?
I am deeply uneasy with what we are doing. I would go so far as to say we are doing harm to the integrity of all these children.
For the child who sees no connection between what they are doing in school RE classes and their own life we are asking for a commitment which doesn’t make any sense to them.
In effect, we are telling them that as long as they sign up and go through the process that is all that matters. The kids themselves can see the lack of integrity in this
What about the children who are engaged in Faith, who value prayer or at least are attracted to that experience of Faith even if there isn’t much practise of it at home? Basically, we are telling them that we don’t value their commitment, that whether they engage with their Faith or not is of little consequence because we are happy to confirm the whole batch.
In effect, I think we are undermining the Faith commitment of these children as well as giving them a clear signal that commitment is cheap.
Confirmation
I remember at my daughter’s Confirmation a local priest who didn’t know the children but could address the Bishop in Irish stood up and verified that these children were all good candidates for Confirmation, that they had been well prepared and were all practising Catholics. Even our 12-year-old knew that wasn’t true and that the priest had spoken about things he personally had no knowledge of.
There is a glaring lack of integrity here. We know it, the children know it, the public knows it – but we seem reluctant to have that conversation.
That conversation is happening on social media already. When a mother recently asked on Facebook: “We aren’t a holy joe family, should I make my son get confirmed?” there were replies ranging from “sure do it now and he can change later” to “if you aren’t religious I don’t know why you would bother to be honest”.
And honesty is the key here. We need to have courage and honesty to open up that conversation and inevitably it will be heated. We have seen it before, where changes are suggested and there is a reaction of “my child has the right to these sacraments”.
So, what is the solution? It has to be an invitation into relationship – offered again and again, always open, always welcoming”
I would suggest that we have bought into a consumer culture – that people are reacting to the church as they would to any other service provider, like consumers with consumer rights rather than as citizens of a Faith community with responsibilities.
I have huge regard for the teachers who are involved in school based sacramental preparation. They work hard and offer children the best they can and many are deeply frustrated with their experience of working in a vacuum, left in many cases to form children as Catholics without any foundations of Faith in the family. Teachers rightly ask: “Why are we the ones to carry this responsibility?” And the reality is, it’s not working. In too many cases we are not forming people of Faith, but are teaching people to be cynical about Faith. A herd mentality approach places no value on the sacraments.
There is a lack of connection, a lack of relationship. We have children who have no experience of being part of the parish other than whatever they encounter at school. We are confirming children whose day to day reality beyond school, is lived without any reference to God or Faith. Family is where Faith takes root. Without that family input it is a real struggle. So, no matter how good the teachers are, how committed the school is to its Catholic ethos, there is no depth, no roots.
Is it the fault of parents? Some parents have had their child baptised and may have done little since but what have we done to engage with those parents? How have we helped them to understand their responsibility and capacity to be the first teachers of Faith? What experience of a living Faith community have we offered to that family? Have we simply told them that they are expected to attend Mass?
We have prepared squads of children to receive the Body of Christ without offering them a true experience of being part of the body of Christ. And one, disconnected from the other, doesn’t make any sense.
We are facing two crises here – one is a crisis of catechesis, that many people have little understanding of Faith and little opportunity to explore their Faith beyond the age of 12/13. The other is a crisis of the Faith community. Again, we have fallen into the consumer model – we provide sacraments for the religious consumer but we have not cultivated authentic Faith communities.
So, what is the solution? It has to be an invitation into relationship – offered again and again, always open, always welcoming. Baptism is an initiation into the Christian community – but it is only a beginning. How do we engage with families to invite them in, to help them feel part of the Faith community? The Eucharist is the core of who we are but we also need to find other ways to nurture that community so that we can say, “come and be part of us, and when your child is approaching the time for the next step on the Faith journey we will accompany you”.
We need to invite families into the life of the parish – which means parishes need to be much more than where we ‘get Mass’. Perhaps it is through a family Mass or Children’s liturgy group and the absolutely vital cup of tea after Mass. But we also need to tap into people’s interests be that music, environment, Faith and justice, parent and toddler groups, parenting programmes, youth groups, book clubs, social events, parish celebrations, sacramental preparation and anything else that helps us build relationships. As Pope Francis reminds us “Growth in holiness is a journey in community, side by side with others” (GE141).
We need family, parish and school side by side, supporting each other but with a shift in emphasis so that ownership and responsibility are put back in the hands of the family. The parish Faith community is the context for sacramental celebration, with that Faith nurtured and supported through our Catholic schools.
Some parents have had their child baptised and may have done little since but what have we done to engage with those parents?”
It is certainly challenging for our parishes to be that welcoming engaging place and to give people options as to how they can get involved. This is truly about evangelisation, about mission rather than maintenance and not something that a priest can do alone. It takes a community to be a community. Yes, we need to train catechists for this but we also need to involve the people of the parish in the process, expect people to be involved.
Will we have fewer people coming forward to celebrate the sacraments? Yes, probably, but we need to move away from the idea that our strength is in numbers. Perhaps our strength is in honesty and integrity. This is not about a bunker mentality or a holy huddle either. It is never about cutting ourselves off or excluding people. It is always about saying “come and see” and encouraging people to make space in their life for Faith. It is about valuing the journey, believing that sacraments reflect a relationship with God and each other and asking people to respect that.
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What of our Catholic school then? Without the emphasis on sacramental preparation the focus is much more on the everyday. A school with a strong Catholic ethos is a place where children grow up believing and knowing that life is full of the presence and action of God. They develop a reflective, discerning heart and know for themselves that God is the one in whom we live and move and have our being.
So, the question becomes: “How are we living the Gospel today?” How are we offering children an experience of prayer – not simply saying prayers? It is about linking in our work for the environment, for justice, for charity with the message of Jesus, the message of Pope Francis.”
It is about helping children to make the connection between their everyday lives and the love of God. And it is about always issuing that invitation – if you want more, if you want to celebrate the sacraments, if you want to be part of the Faith community then the parish is waiting to welcome you.
Teachers know, families know and society knows that what we are doing at the moment is not working. Sacramental preparation has to be moved out of our schools and into the parish Faith community.
Change is difficult. It can provoke quite an allergic reaction in people but at this moment I believe we are called to a new way, called to humility, integrity and courage. It is a call to be the Body of Christ and not simply to talk about it. No parish can do this alone. It is a decision that needs to be made at the very least at diocesan level but really it is a conversation that we need to have at national level in the Church here in Ireland. We can only do this with strong and courageous pastoral leadership.
For the sake of the integrity of our sacramental preparation, the ethos of our Catholic schools, the vitality of our parishes as communities of Faith and the respect we owe the Faith journey of our children we need the courage, wisdom and right judgement to forge a new path.