Maria Byrne
A Parent’s Perspective
In the coming weeks and months we’ll be hearing a lot about the Eighth Amendment and the right to life of our smallest human beings. It’ll be a tough time for anyone who puts themselves out there to speak on all the issues involved.
I’m a bit of a social media addict and I can already see how things are heating up in online forums. If you decide to venture onto Twitter or comment on any Facebook forum, you have to be prepared to face a certain amount of negative comment. Sometimes, you may feel upset and knocked back by the level of vitriol.
As Christians, we all want to do our best to show compassion to mothers who are in difficult, sometimes desperate situations. We also want to respect and protect the most basic human right, the right to life. It can be easy to decide to take the path of least resistance and not get involved at all or to stay silent when the subject is mentioned by family, friends or work colleagues. We reassure ourselves that we’re on the right path ourselves and as long as we decide to vote to protect life we don’t really need to enter the fray.
C.S. Lewis said “courage is not simply one of the virtues but the form of every virtue at the testing point”. It takes courage to swim against the tide and to speak out for what is right when we might be the only one in the crowd with a different viewpoint.
Important issues
We also have to arm our children with the tools they need to engage on these important life issues. Older teenagers and young adults need to be able to explain why they believe what they believe.
I was at a pro-life meeting recently and one of the speakers, Petra Conroy, outlined an excellent approach to adopt when what we believe as Catholics, or as pro-life advocates, may seem to be at variance with some of the strongly held views in the society around us. Petra, coordinator of Catholic Comment, otherwise known as Catholic Voices Ireland, shares a unique vision about how we as Catholics can speak confidently and convincingly about the Catholic faith, or at this particular time, the pro-life issue, but in a very positive, compassionate way.
Petra started by teasing out some of the reasons why the pro-life issue can be difficult to talk about compared to topics like our association with various charities or our work to support sponsored events for sick children or our enthusiasm for being involved with caring initiatives like the Christmas shoebox appeal.
Why is talking about valuing the life of a child not in a similar category? A lot of our reticence is to do with how the discussion is framed where abortion is presented as the compassionate solution. We are asked to respect women’s choices and to resist oppressing women. Who doesn’t want to be respectful and kind?
The pressure can be relentless when values that are close to our heart are under attack and even more so when those values are to do with protecting real people in real life situations. Often, our reaction is to go into fight or flight mode and keep the head down or, we can go to the other extreme and, as Petra said, “go in all guns blazing and strike a blow for the faith or the pro-life cause”.
As a student many years ago, I used to love heated debates on all sorts of topics. When dealing with our older children, we have to harness their passion and channel it in the most productive way. I really like the Catholic Comment method as it guides people in a way that helps them to examine their motives and focus on what they are really trying to achieve.
Praise from people who agree with us because we won some slagging match on social media won’t bring us one step closer to changing people’s attitudes. The Catholic Comment approach, which uses something called reframing which throws light instead of heat, just might.
Reframing a debate is a way of moving a discussion or argument out of a negative framework and moving away from a fight or flight response. We might be presented with a sad story about a woman who travelled to England for an abortion because her baby had life-limiting condition. This is called the frame; in other words, what makes it difficult to discuss with friends or family?
Next step
The next step in interacting is to find a shared value. I notice that even when poles apart from others, we can find some values we share. It could be a desire to ease hardship or suffering or a misplaced attempt to support women.
We have to move beyond that to the final step which is to present a positive vision, one that respects life, supports and nurtures mothers and their babies and that starts a conversation that could make a real difference.
If we have a personal experience, bring it into the interaction; maybe it’s as simple as hearing your baby’s heartbeat for the first time or talking about a sibling or relation with a disability.
Whatever it is that makes you value all life, spread that good news and speak out. Your vision and witness will give courage to others and we can create a country where every life really does count.