Maria Byrne
Every January, I have great plans for how wonderful the year ahead is going to be. They usually involve a multitude of new projects that encompass all sorts of areas and include the whole family.
One year, I made out a detailed list about how all aspects of a person’s life need to be attended to. I went as far as writing out what exactly we all had to do to attend to our physical, mental, spiritual and a host of other needs. Of course it wasn’t long before the list was cast aside and we were slipping back to our old habits and patterns.
It was a bit too much to expect to learn new musical instruments, master several languages and become avid gardeners while juggling all the other work and leisure pursuits. Of course, this would go hand-in-hand with several weekly trips to the gym and all the while striving to become a saint. I don’t know if I’m in a minority but being another St Thérèse of Lisieux or St Bernadette of Lourdes was always on my radar.
Support group
My recent self-improvement project has centered on something called FlyLady, a self-help support group that offers advice to people on the subject of housekeeping. It’s well worthwhile looking it up online.
Founded by Maria Cilley, the original FlyLady, it’s really all about decluttering, the value of routines, weekly and monthly cleaning, increased self-esteem and letting go of perfectionism. Housework is never an easy sell, but the idea is to have systems that deal with the endless chores while not getting overwhelmed and still having time to focus on your family. Having a slightly addictive nature, I spent hours looking at FlyLady videos on YouTube. I tried the hard sell with the rest of my family but they didn’t seem quite as enthused about scrubbing and scouring and found a video about the perfect way to clean a sink to be a source of great hilarity.
After a very energetic start, I seem to have slipped back a little and all the items I sent off for recycling are rapidly being replaced with new stuff while the sink’s sheen is slightly dulled.
After several years of trying and failing miserably to stick to all these unattainable resolutions that invariably accompany a new year, I think I’m finally beginning to see where I’ve been going wrong. It’s all to do with how I’ve been sold the idea that, out there somewhere, is the blueprint for living the perfect life. We’ve all been led to believe that there has to be a plan or a formula that would work well if only we could stumble on the right one. And, so we struggle on, buying more self-help books, signing up to more fitness classes and adding more and more to our to-do lists.
At the end of it all, why do we feel such a distinct lack of satisfaction with the results of our labours? What is it that we’re getting wrong and why do many of us feel snowed under with feelings of inadequacy and failure?
What’s lacking from a lot of the modern approaches to becoming a new man or woman is any real understanding of the nature of human beings and the spiritual element of life.
My father once gave me a lovely book for my birthday. In fact, he gave the same little book to all my siblings. It was a book that my mother used in the 1950s when she lived in Edinburgh in Scotland and it was a great spiritual support to her. The Imitation of Christ by Thomas à Kempis is a spiritual gem. Written 500 years ago, it still encourages and inspires today. Since I started dipping into it more and availing of its timeless wisdom, I realise more clearly that the true secret to the happy life we all keep searching for is to forget all about our endless plans, that are often very focused on ourselves and our own narrow focus, and to put our trust in God.
It’s all about reframing our outlook and realising that we need to stop trying to control everything including the people around us. I love this particular quote by à Kempis: “Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.”
His whole focus, which is as relevant today as it was when the book was written, is on improving the world by improving yourself.
He doesn’t beat around the bush when in a chapter titled ‘The Peaceful Person’, he talks about how we are always so ready to excuse ourselves and to put the best possible construction on our own behaviour while refusing to listen to the excuses of others.
As we face into 2018 and all those expectations that we place on our own shoulders and on the shoulders of others, we should take the advice of à Kempis.
He suggested a much slower pace when journeying towards self-improvement writing that “if we would overcome one fault a year, we would soon be perfect”.
A good start is to ease off on trying to be a superhero, start each day with a prayer and look at how we can better change the world by changing ourselves.