Maria Byrne
A Parent’s Perspective
“What’s abortion, Mammy?” is one question that many parents have been hearing over the past few weeks. With a referendum on abortion approaching rapidly, the arguments and passion around the subject are going to reach fever pitch leaving concerned adults struggling with how they should deal with it. Children are inevitably going to be wondering what all the talk and debate is about and while we may think that it goes over their heads, even quite young children will pick up bits and pieces of information. Just hoping that by saying nothing, the whole topic will just disappear isn’t an option.
Teenagers will be totally au fait with the debates about the Eighth Amendment. If we, as parents, don’t educate them about the issues and pass on our own unique perspective, inspired by our Christian faith, they’ll be influenced by other, louder voices and often voices that aren’t in keeping with the values we want them to embrace.
I’ve been chatting to a lot of other parents recently about abortion and the right to life. I could see the worry in one mother’s eyes as she whispered that her daughter was voting ‘yes’. One woman I spoke to almost seemed nervous about taking some of the literature that I was offering her as she didn’t want to make a fuss or spark off any major disagreements with other family members. Yet, these are conversations that we have to have. We can tailor our words or explanations to suit the character, personality and maturity level of each of our children but we must say something.
While children are very young, we want them to remain in their happy, carefree bubble for as long as possible, we are dismayed and distressed at the thought that any hint of the sad realities of life might reach their little ears. How can we pave the way for them so they retain their faith in everything good and loving and faith-filled while slowly helping them see that for every good life-embracing choice, there is another choice that leads to loss, pain and hurt for ourselves and others? When talking about abortion,we may feel that if we broach the topic, we’ll be drawn into a situation where we’ll divulge more information than we planned.
Details
However, this isn’t solely about the biological details of reproduction or the hope that we can sum up all the ethical dilemmas of our time. Our starting point should be firmly focused on the dignity, worth and beauty of each and every human being. It doesn’t matter if we’re big or small, healthy or unhealthy, rich or poor, convenient or inconvenient. Pope John Paul II said that “all human life, from the moment of conception, and through all subsequent stages, is sacred because human life is created in the image and likeness of God”.
I saw a lovely, uplifting video recently which showed a little toddler, sitting on her mother’s knee, looking at a book of pictures of an unborn baby around 12 weeks old. She was pointing out and naming all the perfectly-formed body parts. Even a tiny tot, speaking in babyish tones, could see the humanity of the child in its mother’s womb. This is where our appreciation for life begins; sitting on our father’s, mother’s or grandparent’s knee.
There are numerous books and videos for children of all ages that can assist parents with these conversations. I saw a really lovely one on YouTube called There’s a House Inside My Mummy, and while not anatomically correct, it introduces the whole idea of a baby growing and developing inside his mother. Written by Giles Andreae and Vanessa Cabban, the story’s told from the perspective of an older brother awaiting the arrival of his sibling. It contains very appealing lines like “it’s very warm and cosy but because there’s not a bed, there’s a sort of giant bathtub where the baby sleeps instead”.
Older children aged around seven or eight will understand the concepts of justice, equality and fair play. We pose the question “are there people who are bigger, older and stronger than you?” and then ask “are there people who are more important?”
Children get the idea that “a person’s a person no matter how small”.
In a recent article, a mother spoke of discussing abortion with her children and one child’s comment was “I think everyone deserves a shot at life”. This is a line that will appeal to teenagers too; is it just or fair to support “rights” which will strip the basic right to life of other human beings? If older children have moved away from their Faith, appeals to the humanitarian aspect might make them think. This is a human rights issue and one that concerns people of all faiths and none.
Our children, especially our college-aged or working young adults, are hearing all the arguments that are based on the idea that some members of our human family are less valuable than others. We have to risk having the conversation that throws, light, not heat on the subject.
We might feel nervous speaking; a prayer to the Holy Spirit will give us the strength and courage we need. If we remember the words of Pope John Paul II – “Nothing surpasses the greatness or dignity of a human person” we won’t hesitate to pass this message on about how special each one of us is in the sight of God.