Courtney McGrailSean Purcell shares his experience as cantor on Lough Derg
Sean Purcell
I first found out about the cantor position at Lough Derg through my theology lecturer in college, Prof. Eamonn Conway.
He informed a group of us who were organising a retreat at the time that there was a music role open in Lough Derg if anybody was interested. As soon as he said it I really felt like this was something God was calling me to do, plus I love playing guitar so I thought it’d be great having a summer job that I’d enjoy.
However, when I inquired further about the job a few days later, I discovered that I’d be the cantor and that there’d be very little guitar playing. Immediately this put me off.
I had only started singing in front of other people about a year ago and I wouldn’t have sung much without having my guitar. Furthermore, I’ve been called a crow on numerous occasions throughout my childhood, even by my own family, so I was never confident in my voice. Still I couldn’t deny that I felt God tugging at my heart the day I heard about the job, so I applied for it.
The week before I was to go to Lough Derg I got posted the hymn sheets. I nearly cried when I could only see six hymns that I knew. For that whole week all I did was practice. My mam, dad and myself had a few freak-outs along the way. They couldn’t believe that I’d be singing in front of a whole congregation without my guitar. But I had to keep going back to God constantly, trusting that since he called me, it would all work out.
As the week came to an end, there was an improvement in my voice and I felt hugely more confident leaving for Lough Derg.
Arriving on the island was a culture shock. The running gear I’d packed in my bag really showed how oblivious I was to what the island was like. I don’t think the pilgrims would have been too impressed with me breezing past them while they did their stations!
For the next two days the cantor from the other shift, Áine, was to train me into the job. I’ll never forget that first night when she opened her mouth and the most beautiful angelic voice came out. I think I could have happily swam across the lake and ran home to Waterford in that moment!
The next day, Prof. Eamonn arrived on the island. I don’t think I was ever so happy to see a lecturer in my life. He did loads of work on my voice and the hymns, and really just helped my confidence when it was at a low point. He decided that I should sing the psalm at the Mass that night just to get my first time out of the way. After persuasion I agreed that I would sing, rather ironically, Be not Afraid.
That night at Mass I got up and sang in front of 474 people, a number I’ll bring to my grave. Although I shook like a leaf throughout the psalm, it went well and some pilgrims came up after and told me it was very good, which was a confidence boost. I then started my shift the next night. The first week was extremely stressful as I had to learn so much new material every day, but each time I got up to sing I grew more and more confident in my voice and in trust with God.
Firstly, I’ve learned that God can often call the weak. I could never rely on my own ability throughout the five weeks on the island. Every time I got up to sing I depended completely on God. Though this seemed like a bad thing at the time, it really wasn’t. God truly glorified himself through my weakness and did over and above my expectations. I got clapped at different Masses, I made it onto RTÉ’s Morning Ireland singing, and a pilgrim even asked me was I training to be a professional singer, to which I burst out laughing.
Secondly, I can’t always rely on the approval of people to give me confidence. Though the days when pilgrims told me I was brilliant were great, there were days when I got no praise. This taught me that I should always look to God first, for he is the one who gives me my strength.
Thirdly, life with God isn’t always easy. He does call his followers down paths that they may never choose themselves. But behind the doubts and worries that may come with these callings, there is a much deeper peace, which is how you know it is God calling.
And finally I’ve learned to praise and trust God in all circumstances. It took me four weeks to realise that God was with me just as much in my mistakes as in my successes. I was not to be embarrassed when things went wrong, but go and sing the next hymn in trust that God was working through me and would not fail me.
Lough Derg has been one of the best experiences of my life. I’ve learned so much about God and my relationship is much deeper with him now than it was when I took my first boat trip over to the island. I was privileged to lead pilgrims in praise to God. They are amazing people with stories that would strengthen anybody’s faith.
All the staff are lovely and the priests are brilliant – each one taught me something different during their Masses. God’s presence is so tangible in Lough Derg and I have been blessed by God to play a part in it this summer.