Wendy GraceA barrage of sexualised imagery and lack of suitable role models can lead to incredibly low self-esteem in young women, writes Wendy Grace
During the summer, the story of an Irish girl in Magaluf performing a sexual act on 24 men in return for drinks received massive attention. This debate was nothing new and echoed that of the one we had after a young girl was filmed performing a sex act during an Eminem concert, later to be dubbed ‘Slane Girl’. In both cases, the women were intoxicated and a barrage of vitriol attacking the women erupted.
Very few commentators attempted to analyse what is at the heart of the problem. First, the idea of morality or having any sort of moral code is something that seems to be of little importance.
At the heart of the problem is the failure to instil real and true value in ourselves. A female role model’s perceived value is generally based on her sexuality and her sexual appeal to men. Nowadays, young women are exposed to more sexualised role models and messages across a myriad of platforms. This has led to women having a totally warped understanding of their value, all too often linking it to how sexually appealing they are.
It is no surprise, then, that we see young girls willingly offering themselves up for the sexual gratification of men, feeling that this is where value lies, looking for approval through sexual favours. Popstars such as Miley Cyrus ‘twerking’ (dancing in a sexually provocative manner) on stage are looked up to like gods, and then we are surprised when young women connect their self worth to how they are treated and viewed by men.
Self-esteen
This type of value system can lead to incredibly low self-esteem which will affect most of us at some time in our lives. But for some the consequences can be drastic eating disorders, addictions, self-harm and excessive cosmetic surgery.
More than 70% of women don’t like how they look, and four out five 10-year-old girls are worried about getting fat. What doesn’t help is that we still reward little boys for personality attributes like being smart, funny or brave, yet the majority of affirmation we give young girls can be based on their appearance, for being cute or pretty.
There’s more pressure than ever to be perfect – photoshopping, selfie obsessions, fat talk – and it is difficult, especially for young girls, to accept themselves and recognise their true value.
We have to shift the focus back to the reality that self-esteem doesn’t come from how you look, but from being happy with who you are, nurturing the gifts that God has given you and loving the unique person you were created to be.
You need to remind yourself that as an individual, you are irreplaceable, unique and that there is no possibility ever again of there being a person like you. Isn’t that mind blowing?
A refreshing break from the hyper-sexualised pop culture was Colbie Caillat’s new single entitled Try. The music video features Colbie, among other women, stripping off their make-up. The song is urging women to look beneath the surface and value themselves for who they really are. The lyrics include: “You don’t have to try so hard; you don’t have to give it all away; you just have to get up, get up, get up; you don’t have to change a single thing.”
Our true beauty, of course, lies not in our appearance but in who we are in Jesus Christ. However, even in knowing this, we all suffer with self-confidence and self-esteem issues; it is part of our human nature. Every day we have to make an effort to remind ourselves that we are each individually made and valued by God – that really is the ultimate confidence booster. Self-confidence also has to stem from having respect for yourself.
As a society, we have to make a concerted effort to be champions of our own self worth and of letting other women realise the same. In such a superficial culture this is a daily battle, and we must refocus our self-worth by seeking the good in others and working on our own virtues.
Sometimes this effort to look or behave a certain way can even be subconscious; we may not even realise the power that sexualised imagery has on us.
Value
Therefore we have to remind ourselves daily of where our real value comes from. While we may struggle to control the myriad of messages obsessed with image, ultimately, we do have to take responsibility for ourselves. We simply can’t blame the media for it all; we have to take personal responsibility.
Another real danger is the type of self confidence our society is geared towards, based on the approval of others, usually based on purely superficial characteristics – a friend telling you that you look great, or the boost you feel when a colleague is envious of your promotion.
The problem with feeding off these external sources of self-esteem is that they’re hollow and shallow, and very quickly they will wear off and you will need to feed your habit.
Then, without genuine inner self-esteem, you create a need for your ego to be bolstered by the people around you. With this type of value system, it is no surprise that young women are going to further extremes to get all the wrong types of positive affirmation.
Self-esteem might be better termed ‘knowing your self-worth and having respect for yourself’. Self-esteem and self-confidence grow out of knowing yourself very well, and this can be strengthened through our relationship with God.
Self-confidence is something that has to be developed, yet many people leave the development of their self-confidence to chance. Confidence is a quality people often overlook as being a skill you can nurture and develop.
Of course, the Gospels provide the ultimate tool in strengthening our own self-confidence and belief. Philippians 4:13 states: “I can do all things through him who strengthens me”, while Joshua 1:9 offers: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
“One thing we don’t remind ourselves of often enough is our worth in God’s eyes”
What a comfort it is to realise in the heart of our Faith there is a God who wants us to be truly confident in ourselves.
One thing we don’t remind ourselves of enough is our worth in God’s eyes. We need to remind ourselves that we are more valuable to God than everything else in creation. Even psychologists today, secular and Christian, trace bad behaviour to low self-esteem and self-worth. When our self-worth isn’t rooted in God, we go to great lengths to establish worth by some other means.
We set up artificial measures to gauge our self-worth and will go to great lengths to have our self-worth established by others, when we don’t even believe it ourselves.
Human nature
It is part of our human nature that we fear rejection, insults or being excluded. To value our self-worth based on who we are rather than what we are is entirely counter-cultural.
The good news for us is that if we keep our focus fixed on a real role model, Jesus Christ, the journey towards finding and keeping real self-confidence doesn’t seem so daunting.
For women, luckily we have an amazing role model in Our Lady, who truly was the original propagator of authentic girl power.