Wendy Grace
Love Notes
I am a single woman in my late 30s and I thought I would be married with a family by now. I had one serious relationship in my early 20s but it ended when he cheated on me. Since then I have been dating but is has never lasted more than a few weeks. I have been on blind dates, I’ve tried internet dating and I’ve tried joining clubs and classes that have male members. Am I doomed to be alone?
Have you prayed about what your vocation is meant to be? Marriage is just one vocation, are you sure this is the plan God has for you in your life? If you feel it is, bring God into it, pray for your future spouse, pray before a date, pray for patience and guidance.
I wonder whether your past experience is stopping you from letting a new person in. Is there a possibility that the hurt you experienced in the past is preventing you from moving on with your future? Have you full closure on that experience – if not, it will be hard to open your heart up to a new person. Remember your past is your past, yes it is part of you, but you need to focus on where you are going next. You might think that if you don’t let your guard down, you won’t get hurt. But the reality is if you don’t ever let your guard down, you won’t meet the right person.
Could there be other reasons dating is only lasting a few weeks? Are you putting too much pressure on yourself too soon, wanting things to move too fast? Give someone a chance, enjoy the first few dates, it’s nerve wracking and can take a little while to truly relax.
It is difficult when you are really trying, but it’s important not to become too bitter. If you think, as you say, you’re “doomed to be alone” you will be stuck in that negative mindset. You need to stay positive. If you keep thinking it’s never going to happen then it won’t.
Have you thought about what you actually want in a husband? Are you a really social person that loves to be out and about? Are you an anxious person that needs someone who can help to calm you down? What are the practical aspects you should be looking for? This does not mean the superficial things – it means the true qualities that you need in a partner. If you’re not sure, then all the efforts you are taking are like trying to find your way in a strange place without a map. And this doesn’t mean settling, because the relationship won’t last in that scenario, however you shouldn’t be waiting around for prince charming either. I hate to break it to you, but you are not perfect, so make sure you’re not seeking out the perfect spouse, but someone you can build a life with.
Positives
Look at the positives, now you know what you want. You still have to continue to put yourself out there, not with the sole purpose of finding a match, ditch the desperation and just enjoy yourself. Participate in hobbies that you actually like, join groups or clubs that you are interested in, not because there might be men there! Remember that there are men … everywhere!
Spot someone you might like in a coffee shop…talk to them! This is daunting, but if they’re a nice person they will chat back, if they are rude, well then you wouldn’t want to date them anyway! Friends of mine who recently got married met at a bus stop. So if you deal with the past, open your heart and focus on what matters.