Chai Brady
Oisin McConville Chai Brady hears about the disparity between Christmas before and after addiction
One of the best Christmas presents a GAA star and former gambling addict ever received was the chance to see a “glimpse of the future”, and just how good it can be.
Oisin McConville, a former Armagh GAA player, has often spoke about how gambling destroyed so many parts of his life. Christmas became a time of shame and embarrassment as there was never money to buy loved ones presents and he couldn’t handle tough emotions that often surface at this time of year.
So many years on, the now addiction counsellor says he loves “everything about Christmas”.
“I really look forward to Christmas,” he told The Irish Catholic, “I love the fact that as a family we get out to Mass, we go to the in-laws and we spend a bit of time there, and then we’re home having a laugh with the kids, Santy, then everybody’s sitting around having the dinner. There’s so many elements to it that I find enjoyable.”
Materialism
But despite this there can be an overemphasis on materialism and stress around buying presents, he said, with the Christian message being lost along the way.
“We’re a recently married couple, and we’ve just moved into a house, there was plenty of things to do, Christmas just adds to that pressure.
“We’ve managed with time and experience to make sure we have all those things squared off, to realise that they aren’t massively important – they’re important don’t get me wrong it’s nice to show somebody that you’re thinking of them by buying them a gift – I suppose at one stage for all of us it was all about how much you spend whereas in actual fact it really genuinely is just the thought.”
An emphasis on spending quality time with family should be more important he continued, saying loved ones enjoy the sentiment behind a gift.
“Sometimes the simplest gifts are the ones that people really, really appreciate. Those who are stressing out, or do feel they’re under pressure to deliver certain things or certain presents, they need to take a step back from things and realise that’s not what the important thing is.
“You’re there and you’re present and you’re showing you care and that’s really all people want.”
Oisin lives in Armagh with his wife and two children. A new addition to the family – an early Christmas present – was Freya, their third child, who arrived in November.
Honing in on the joy of being with family, he reflected on the big snow in March of this year, which saw many people snowed in.
“We had it for a couple of days here – as much as it was a bit of a nuisance, it was probably one of the greatest times I’ve ever had because we literally had no choice but to have each other’s company.
“We did simple things, we had a couple of wee slays and in the field across the way I think one day we might have spent six hours. We all came home absolutely freezing, the kids were shaking with the cold but they were having that good time we couldn’t bring them in.”
Addiction
But Christmas wasn’t always a special time for Oisin, at one of the darkest moments of his life, when he was heavily in debt and consumed by his addiction, he distanced himself from family regarding his spiralling problem.
Gambling is one of the easiest addictions to hide, as it doesn’t have any obvious physical affects. Therefore the problem can reach critical proportions without the addict realising its insidious nature.
Oisin said: “The Christmases I had before were absolute hell, I never had the money to buy anybody anything because I was gambling all that money.
“The money just wasn’t there because if I thought I had enough money, I would have to gamble because I would think it would be a waste of money buying somebody something, whereas I could go and try and make double of that and get the present for free. All that crazy thinking was going on.”
Christmas was an emotional time for him, which he found hard to reconcile. Sitting down and resting for the Christmas period can often bring back painful memories of people you’ve lost, he said, especially when they may have been there the year before, or in previous years.
“I was embarrassed and ashamed that I couldn’t afford to buy people presents. I was at loggerheads with myself because I wanted to stop gambling but I couldn’t.”
Speaking to those struggling with addiction this Christmas, Oisin warned against procrastinating instead of seeking help.
“A lot of people, and I would be in this bracket, would be put off trying to get help because there’s always the idea ‘let me get over Christmas as soon as I get over Christmas I’ll try it’, then it’s ‘no I’m going to wait, I don’t want to do this’ and it’s January and so on.”
He emphasised the need to “act immediately”, and that he knows many people who went for treatment during Christmas and now have a positive relationship with the season.
“Christmases are so much more special for them now because it’s the time of year where they realise that’s when they turned their lives around, when they changed their lives.”
He added that Christmas in recovery and Christmas in addiction are “worlds apart”. Giving someone the opportunity to experience what people combatting and beating their addiction are feeling is integral to pushing them to seek help he said.
“People used to tell me, especially when I was in the early stages of recovery, how special things could be but it’s very hard to properly hear it. Because you don’t believe it.
“I would just love people to have that glimpse into the future, and the future is peace of mind, freedom and an opportunity to do the important things. It’s not about the material things, it genuinely is about how you feel and how you’re welcome and how you’re perceived within your own household.”
Oisin was first given the tools to tackle his addiction when he sought help from the addiction counsellors in Catholic charity Cuan Mhuire.
After that he went to Gamblers Anonymous to tackle an addiction that he struggled with for 16 years.
Oisin’s advice comes as a new Gambling Control Bill has been delayed in the Dáil since 2013 with only small developments made this year by a working group headed by the Minister of State for Equality, Immigration and Integration David Stanton.
Ireland has the third highest rate of online losses per capita compared to the rest of the world, with Australia and Singapore coming first and second respectively.
Even children are affected by a gambling culture that is in many ways hidden in Ireland according to a report in the International Journal of Mental Health and Addiction that found many gambling companies allow children in this country to open online accounts without verifying their age.
Young people can access gambling websites with the tick of a box that ‘proves’ they’re 18. Games can be played online for free but players are enticed to deposit money, and are sometimes offered free bets to get them started.
The study reviewed the 39 most popular gambling websites in Ireland. Its results showed that 37 of those sites did not require any proof of identity from customers to open an account with them and gamble.
The study also reviewed what responsible gambling tools were in place and found that of all 17 Irish and 22 non-Irish websites surveyed, the Irish ones featured poorer protections for vulnerable customers.
Charities are also calling for any new legislation to target gambling advertising, especially in sport.
Oisin’s GAA past has made him knowledgeable of the dangerous connection between gambling and sport, and has often spoke about it at public events.
Leading figures in the area of gambling addiction, such as the CEO of Problem Gambling Ireland Barry Grant, have spoken about the need to remove gambling advertisements from live sporting events.
With the stall in legislation, this issue is causing increasing concern among charities, politicians and the public, with Oisin previously telling The Irish Catholic that in his work in the Smarmore Castle Private Clinic although he is not meeting young people who are presenting in crisis – many of the 19-20 year olds say they started when they were 13 or 14.
The difference between today’s society, compared to 10 years ago, he said, is that “the accessibility is easier than it’s ever been, in the fact it’s two touches in an app and you’ve placed your bet”.
Faith
One of the most special moments for Oisin on Christmas is going to Mass, especially seeing many new faces that may not be there throughout the year.
Regarding the meaning of Christmas for Catholics and the juxtaposition of what it has become for many people, he said: “There’s no doubt that it’s on the periphery, if you go to Mass on Sunday you probably won’t be knocked down in the queues, but if you go to Mass at Christmas there’s a good chance there’s a lot more bodies there that you haven’t seen at Mass before.”
Although many of the families and individuals would only go to Mass on Christmas, Oisin expressed the hope that they “would find what I have found” regarding his strong Faith.
“Faith is a big part in my life, not just because of the way I was brought up and the fact that I’m a Catholic, but because of the part that the higher power plays in my recovery.”