Restrictions may make romance more difficult, but it’s certainly not impossible, writes Jason Osborne
Last year’s St Valentine’s Day probably would have been a little more ostentatious if we’d known the kind of year we were in for. Perhaps we’d have made an effort to go on a trip we’d always wanted to, somewhere suitably romantic like Paris or Rome.
Maybe we’d have booked a table at a restaurant that always eluded us during the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Or maybe we’d have gone to a big event, like a concert or a show of some kind, experiencing a crowd for one of the last times in who knows how long?
The major lesson to be learned from all of this is never to take anything, or more importantly, anyone, for granted. Those fortunate enough to find themselves in the embrace of a good, safe relationship, whether it be a marriage or otherwise, should take the lessons of the last year and apply them to this year’s celebration of St Valentine’s Day, if making a fuss of it is your thing.
Activities
Doing things together is a key part of any relationship, and as any book proclaiming the Church’s teachings on relationships and sexuality will tell you, wholesome activities and occasions are necessary injections into the daily life of a relationship that allow both of you to come to know and love each other afresh.
Our ability to travel together, go out for a meal together and even attend Mass together has been taken from us, but that’s no excuse for failing to grow in love of one another. Husbands and wives, engaged couples and boyfriends and girlfriends ought to make a special effort for each other this year, insofar as they are able.
For those who live apart, options are limited at the moment, but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing to be done. Video calls are a poor substitute for the physical presence of a loved one, but some fun can be had all the same.
Love at a distance
As mentioned above, for those who are physically separated from their fiancé/e, boyfriend or girlfriend during this time, video calls over Zoom, Skype, Messenger or whatever service you prefer, can provide for an enjoyable evening. As this form of interaction is already a concession, everything must be done to ensure the occasion is as romantic as possible. Light a candle, listen to some music, avail of the plethora of streaming services the internet has to offer, or play some of the innovative video call games that were developed during the first lockdown – even go as far as cooking the same meal and enjoying the same drink if that’s possible. Doing whatever is necessary to set the same scene as your other half goes some way towards cutting the distance between you.
Conversation
One of the advantages of long-distance relationships, whether the other person is abroad or living locally and just off-limits to you because of the restrictions, is that it affords you the opportunity to have the conversations that might otherwise slip by, caught up as we are in the distraction of the other person.
If you’re sharing a moment with someone over video call this Valentine’s Day, consider entering into those conversations that are so often neglected today”
Spectacle and glamour are largely off-limits to us this St Valentine’s Day, but love isn’t. The Church understands true love to be that which points towards and leads to God, and the way this manifests itself in relationships is in marriage and the procreation and education of children.
If you’re sharing a moment with someone over video call this Valentine’s Day, consider entering into those conversations that are so often neglected today. It might not be the most obviously romantic date, but it’s certainly one of the most loving things you can do.
This is particularly important for couples who are at the dating or engagement stage of their relationship. If you haven’t considered them so far, some topics to consider are:
-Hopes and expectations for the relationship/marriage
-Our likes, dislikes and our interests
-View of the Faith and role of religion in the relationship
-The role God plays in our lives
-Children and parenthood
They are but a selection of things to bring up in conversation, but they are topics that often fall by the wayside these days, caught up as we are in more exciting, sensate aspects of the relationship.
It may not be the most riveting relationship plan you’ve ever heard of, or make for the most appealing Valentine’s Day schedule, but it’s necessary if we’re ever to find ourselves in the sort of relationship that we long for. Assigning books that ask probing questions or stimulate thought about these topics and reading them together is a good way to go about this introspective exercise.
Date night
For married couples, I hear the stresses of everyday life often get in the way of romance, or at least threaten to. This Valentine’s Day, why not be intentional about setting aside some quality time for one another? What starts on Valentine’s Day could even be institutionalised, with weekly date nights being taken up.
It might seem fanciful, but it’s incredibly important to be direct about setting this time apart for one another, no matter how busy you find yourselves. My spiritual director remarked one day that we have to learn to see the distinction between things that are urgent but not important, and things that are important but not urgent.
Too often, spouses place tending to each other in the latter category, going months and months without making real, quality time for one another – because it’s not urgent.
Date night ideas
Restricted as we are, an exciting or enjoyable date night naturally requires a bit of creativity, innovation and humour, but there are many options. You may have tired these activities out at this stage, but the important thing is to do them out of love of the other – and then it’ll be a love “ever new” as St Augustine said. Some activities include:
-A wine tasting night or a cocktail night
-Preparing a special meal together
-A movie and popcorn night
-A spa day
-Browsing old pictures together
The last suggestion works incredibly well – particularly if you manage to come across pictures from before your time together. My fiancée and I have done this on a couple of occasions and not only does it provide a laugh, it inspires plenty of conversation.
Buying one another a targeted gift
You may or may not have done your share of online shopping since lockdown descended last March, and while gifts are not a substitute for love, they can certainly be a lovely and simple expression of it, particularly if thought has gone into it.
A rule of thumb for selecting a lasting gift is to choose something you know they won’t only be happy with, but something they need – whether that’s a new pair of earphones or a nice, warm coat with which to face the Irish winter. Flowers always work, too.
These are but a few suggestions with which to woo a loved one this Valentine’s Day, but if implemented regularly, there’s no reason these dark days can’t be just as romantic as the days of old.