Maria Byrne
A parent’s perspective
I attended Mass recently in St Eustace’s Dominican church in Newbridge, Co. Kildare. The homily preached by Fr John Harris OP was one of the best I’ve ever heard. You could hear a pin drop as he painted a vivid description of the Gospel story where the apostle, Peter, jumps out of the boat in his eagerness to run to greet the risen Lord Jesus.
Fr John reminded us that we all think we’re very safe and secure in our trusty vessels but, in reality, our lives here are fleeting.
Fr John reminded us that we all think we’re very safe and secure in our trusty vessels but, in reality, our lives here are fleeting. Like St Peter, we too will have to make our way to Jesus who waits patiently for us on the eternal shore. Pondering on his words afterwards, the lyrics of a song my late father loved flashed into my head. The beautiful melody of ‘The Dragonfly’ by Eddi Reader poignantly reminds us that “each of us know in our hearts we must go and that’s what beauty is”.
We’re all destined for another world which, as Fr John suggested, isn’t always that clear in the way we conduct our funerals where we look to the deceased person’s past and what they did 30 or 40 years ago rather than focusing on where they are after they pass from this valley of tears.
Promises
I love the month of May with its new life, little lambs in the fields and bird choruses. It’s a month full of the promise of things to come with autumn and winter still a long way off. Yet in three short months, the green leaves will be slowly transforming to copper, brown and gold. It’s a reminder every year of the transient and ephemeral nature of our existence which comes more into focus with each passing year.
I often look back wistfully at my youthful blithe disregard for the future. As far as I was concerned the future was a foreign country that was a long, long way off. In reality, it was only a brush with cancer a few years ago that really forced me to come face-to-face with my own mortality.
We parents have a few brief years to be a positive influence in the lives of our children, to love and nurture them, leading by example.
We parents have a few brief years to be a positive influence in the lives of our children, to love and nurture them, leading by example. Is it really that surprising that a recent survey conducted by Solas, the further education and training authority, found that, regardless of education level, the vast majority of women surveyed who were working in the home had no interest in returning to the paid labour force? Women know that time is of the essence and that there’s no task more important than raising and caring for children.
It’s not morbid to focus on the reality that our time is limited. No one really knows the day or the hour as the Gospels often remind us. If we had to sum up our advice to our children in a few short sentences, what would we prioritise; what would be our most precious gems of wisdom that we’d like them to remember forever?
I often joke with my children that if I go before my time that my most important advice to them is to always have nice, well-styled hair, smart polished shoes, and not to forget to brush their teeth. Of course, as Christian parents, our hopes and wishes for the children in our care have to be focused on a lot more than outward appearances, worldly success or passing fashions and fads.
Discussing this topic recently with friends, I asked them what five pieces of spiritual guidance they would leave for their children, advice that would act as signposts on their journey of faith.
One friend’s list began with “Don’t be a sheep. Stand up for what you believe in even if you stand alone”; always remember that if you ever feel really miserable and alone in life, God is always there for you to turn to. I would put her exhortation to attend the Sacraments regularly at the top of my list. Pope Paul VI described the Mass as “the most perfect form of prayer”. The practice of going to daily Mass is a guaranteed way to grow in faith and love of God and neighbour. As children get older it’s great if they have developed the habit of popping into a church to visit Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament which in the words of St Alphonsus de Liguori is where we can “know pleasure in the company of our best friend”.
- My own advice to my six dear children and four grandchildren would be as follows:
- Seek God always in the Eucharist and the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
- Stay close to your family and never let petty fights and feuds stand in the way of demonstrating your love and affection. Never let a few weeks pass without calling in to say hello and sharing your joys and sorrows over a cup of tea or coffee.
- Say the family Rosary every day. Go to God through Mary.
- Remember, God is in charge; let go and let God. You can do nothing without him.
- Finally, to cherish every single moment. Life is a gift; thank God that you’re alive. Wear that jazzy tie, buy that bright red lipstick and always pray for your mother and grandmother whose greatest wish for you was that you’d always keep your sights firmly focused on that eternal shore.