Colm Fitzpatrick
Life coach Eileen Hopkins advises Colm Fitzpatrick about tackling New Year resolutions
‘New Year, New Me’ is a modern aphorism so entrenched into Irish society that personal transformation in January has become a sobering thought for many.
From reading more and taking up gardening, to quitting smoking and finally making use of that harrowing gym subscription, resolutions can be helpful to any type of person.
But despite the worthy aspirations of identifying setbacks and creating goals to change them, the reality of achieving these aims is notoriously difficult. This is echoed in research conducted by DoneDeal, which showed that only 8% of Irish people keep their New Year’s resolutions, with around 24% only lasting for around two or three months.
These disheartening statistics are an indicator that sometimes good intentions are not enough to make ambitions a reality, and that help or ongoing motivation is needed.
According to Eileen Hopkins, Professional Life & Business Coach with Saol Coaching, 76% of those who write and hold themselves accountable to someone else will succeed in their resolutions.
“Each January, millions of people around the world set New Year’s resolutions. These may include cutting down on alcohol, losing weight, implementing a new healthy belief or letting go of old negative thoughts.
“Change is a good thing and January is the perfect time to make the start”, she says.
Although January is a time of spring and new growth, Eileen believes that the new year creates so much pressure that many fail to live up to their goals, leaving them feeling dejected.
“A lot of people make a list of 8-10 things, there’s so many things and it’s hard to achieve that,” she says.
Framework
Resolutions have traditionally been structured in the framework of creating big and often vague goals, with the minutiae of how they will be achieved often ignored. Writing these brief, unexamined types of aspirations will have a low success rate when implemented, and so more fruitful results require a planned form of action.
“Try to break your New Year’s goals into smaller achievable steps. It is better to keep focused on smaller goals than bigger ones. For example, it is much easier to focus on going for a 30-minute walk twice a week than it is to focus on loosing 10kg”, she explains.
“Staying focused on smaller goals will help keep you motivated as well as helping you in achieving your overall goal. Remember why you want to achieve the goal in the first place because you are not chasing the goal, you are chasing the feeling you want to get by achieving the goal so it is important to connect with this.”
She emphasises that the most important thing to remember when you are trying to make changes is to be good to yourself.
“If you have had a bad day or even a bad week, don’t be too hard on yourself. Research has shown that by breaking down your goal into bite-sized chunks you are less likely to fail and if you do it is much easier to get up again and the important thing is to get up, dust yourself off and start again.”
Once you have created small goals which can be slowly developed and improved, the next step is to implement them in a habitual way. New repetitive actions can stifle hardwired negative inclinations and eventually remove them altogether.
“Think about it, how long does it take you to develop a bad habit? Well, if you have a doughnut with your coffee on Monday and again on Tuesday morning, you will probably find it hard to resist ordering one with your coffee on Wednesday morning, Eileen explains.
“When it comes to changing a habit, and forming a good one, the much repeated 21 days estimation has been proven as inaccurate. A study carried out in 2009 has found that, on average, it takes 66 days for a behaviour to become as much of a habit as it will ever be.”
Using the analogy of attending the gym, Eileen points out that motivation is useful to get someone started but what is more important is creating a habit around the activity and realising that progress takes time. Even if this leads to failure, stopping should not be an option as all that may be needed is a new reconfiguration of how to reach your goals. There are multiple and creative ways to achieve your aims.
“Maybe the gym isn’t for you. Look at doing something else like walking, there are lots of other forms of exercise. It can be going to classes, but for some this can be isolating, so you could work with a trainer. There’s ways to fit around everyone.”
Making your resolutions publicly known is another beneficial way to follow them through, as others, and particularly friends will keep you accountable, and also act as motivators when you feel like giving up.
One of the key points that Eileen wants to emphasise is the influential role that language can play in staying driven to carry out your resolutions. Language acts as tool by which can reimagine our goals and convince ourselves of their achievability.
“The language we use around our resolutions and goals can really make a difference. I would like to challenge you to release any struggle involved in successfully achieving your New Year’s resolution, regardless of its type”, she says.
A common belief in society is that we need to work hard at achieving anything we desire. In fact, people receive rewards due to the amount of work, stress and struggle they have put into achieving things! For example, if you say the following: “I’m giving up cigarettes again this year, I’ll probably only last a few days like last time, I have no willpower.
Support
“What do you think will happen here? Let’s change the language here: ‘I’m giving up cigarettes for new year, I am really determined that this will work and I have linked up with someone for support.’ Do you see how this would make a difference to your outcome?”
The language we use actually sends a message to our sub-conscious mind and this greatly effects the outcome.
Using phrases such as “I don’t have to do it all in one go, I can just take small steps” and “I can do this, I just need to support myself” are all helpful ways to re-contextualise the approach to your resolutions.
In facing these challenges and obstacles, the main concern should always be about your own well-being by doing only what you can at a healthy pace. Striving too hard in an attempt to make results immediate or oppositely giving up because the busyness of everyday life obstructs your goals should be avoided. Success is a slow process that takes determination, passion and even failure. It is with this combination that real transformation can be made.
“Don’t bash yourself up – you don’t need to have grief over not succeeding. We can get up, we’re not perfect. We’re only human and life gets in the way”.
Eileen leaves us with a thought-provoking and motivational quote from Robin Sharma, articulating that change is not immediate but a journey. “All change is hard at first, messy in the middle and gorgeous at the end.”
For more information about making new life choices, see: https://www.saolcoaching.com/