Study Guide: The Joy of Love

Pope Francis will soon be in Dublin for the World Meeting of Families, and attention is focusing on his teachings and what his message will be to the Church in Ireland. We continue to publish study guides to the Pope’s landmark documents – this week The Joy of Love (Amoris Laetitia) by Prof. Eamonn Conway and Cathal Barry

 

Foreword

Each one of us belongs in one way or another to a family. So a writing from a Pope on the topic of family is always going to be significant. The Joy of Love, Pope Francis’ exhortation on marriage and the family, is the fruit of one of the widest worldwide consultations ever to take place in the Catholic Church leading up to two Synods of Bishops in Rome. It is a remarkable reflection on love in the family.

The Pope takes a good look at the realities and difficulties families have to face on a daily basis while also presenting a beautiful account of the steadfast and persistent nature of God’s love found in a unique and special way in family life.

It is particularly appropriate that we have received The Joy of Love in the Jubilee Year of Mercy. It speaks the logic of pastoral mercy. This exhortation is Good News, Good News especially for those who experience trouble in the family, those for whom relationships are strained or have broken down. As the Pope reminds us, there is no such thing as a family that drops down from the sky perfectly formed. Each family and each member of a family is on a journey. Families need constantly to grow and mature in the ability to love. Each of us needs God’s mercy. No one is excluded from it.

Since the publication of this exhortation, I have mentioned it briefly at the end of each Confirmation ceremony. Many of those present comment on how touched they are by Pope Francis’ words. Those who have read The Joy of Love have been deeply moved by his ability to come alongside us and help us discern how to read and promote family life today. With Pope Francis the “messiness” of ordinary life also has value.

The exhortation is full of gems. That’s why the Pope recommends we take our time in reading it. For instance, it’s impossible to skim through his commentary on Paul’s hymn to love that we find in chapter 4. We need to meditate on it. However, the entire exhortation deserves careful reading, reflection and meditation. It is great we have a study guide to help us do so.

This study guide is beautifully presented and well laid out. I congratulate Fr Eamonn Conway of Mary Immaculate College, Limerick and Cathal Barry of The Irish Catholic for producing it so quickly.

Obviously, a study guide is intended not to substitute for a careful reading of the Pope’s exhortation but rather as an aid to it. I hope that many individuals but also groups will find the summaries, commentaries and discussion questions on each chapter helpful.

The countdown to the World Gathering of Families to Dublin in 2018 has already begun. The Pope’s exhortation on love in the family is a key source to accompany us on our journey to that very significant event. We all hope Pope Francis himself will come to that. It is timely that we have a study guide that will help not just individuals but also parish groups, associations and movements, grandparents and couples preparing for marriage to study Pope Francis’ words on love in the family.

 + Bishop Brendan Leahy, Bishop of Limerick

 

 

Introduction

“The joy of love experienced by families is also the joy of the Church,” Pope Francis begins his landmark document on love in the family.

Addressed to bishops, priests and deacons, consecrated persons, Christian married couples and all the lay faithful, this document is the fruit of a lengthy process involving worldwide consultation and two key meetings of bishops, known as synods, in Rome on the subject of the family.

The synod process, according to the Pope, allowed for an “examination of the situation” of families in today’s world, and thus for a “broader vision and renewed awareness” of the important of marriage and the family.

Pope Francis notes that the complexity of the issues that arose “revealed the need for continued open discussion” of a number doctrinal, moral, spiritual and pastoral questions.

The Pope warns, however, that the debates carried out in the media and among some Church representatives “range from an immoderate desire for total change without sufficient reflection or grounding, to an attitude that would solve everything by applying general rules or deriving undue conclusions from particular theological considerations”.

Early on in this document, Pope Francis states that he wants to make it clear “that not all discussions of doctrinal, moral or pastoral issues need to be settled by intervention of the magisterium”.

“Unity of teaching and practice is certainly necessary in the Church, but this does not preclude various ways of interpreting some aspects of that teaching or drawing certain consequences from it,” he says.

The synod process, for Pope Francis, proved both “impressive and illuminating” and helped him “appreciate more fully the problems faced by families” throughout the world.

The document, according to the Pope, represents an invitation to Christian families to value “the gifts” of marriage and the family, and to persevere “in a love strengthened by the virtues of generosity, commitment, fidelity and patience”.

It also seeks to “encourage” everyone to be a sign of mercy and closeness wherever family life “remains imperfect” or lacks peace and joy, Pope Francis states.

 

Commentary

As we begin our study of Amoris Laetitia (The Joy of Love) it is helpful to remind ourselves of a few key points we already know about Pope Francis and his priorities as Pontiff.

The first is that the concept of joy is a key one for him. His first exhortation, Evangelii Gaudium (The Joy of the Gospel) began: “The joy of the Gospel fills the hearts and the lives of all who encounter Jesus” (Evangelii Gaudium). Amoris Laetitia begins: “The Joy of Love experienced by families is also the joy of the Church.”

In other languages three different words have been used for what has been translated above into English as “joy”. It is therefore best to interpret what Pope Francis is saying as follows.

We only find true happiness and a deep enduring joy when our lives are rooted in the Gospel of Jesus Christ and we are in a living, tangible relationship with him (Evangelii Gaudium, 2). Our families are intended by God to be a very special place of encounter with the intense deep personal regard God holds for each of us that is revealed in Jesus Christ.

Happiness and the sense of wellbeing that flows from the love we experience in families is therefore a source of celebration and jubilation for the Church. Amoris Laetitia springs from the desire of the Church to support families as unique places where God’s love can be encountered and embraced.

The synodal process which has led to the writing of this post-synodal exhortation was introduced after the Second Vatican Council. Synods are consultative rather than deliberative. In other words, they are advisory to the Pope and do not make binding decisions by themselves. Nonetheless, Pope Francis has made good use of synods to ensure that different voices are heard within the Church.

A key insight into Pope Francis’ approach is that there is great wisdom to be found among those who live on the edge: the dispossessed, the marginalised, people often discarded or forgotten about by others in what he calls our “throwaway culture”. As Archbishop of Buenos Aires, he took those who lived in the favelas on the peripheries of his diocese very seriously, preferring to spend time among them than mingling with the wealthy and the powerful. For Pope Francis, “our brothers and sisters are the prolongation of the incarnation for each of us” (Evangelii Gaudium, 179) and in particular he means those who are poor and powerless.

The Joy of Love marks a highpoint in a process of consultation that sought to involve not just bishops but also the people of God through questionnaires distributed in local dioceses all over the world and an unprecedented level of lay participation in the synods themselves. The initial focus was on the pastoral challenges of the family in the context of evangelisation. This shifted in the second synod to consideration of the vocation and mission of the family in the contemporary world.

A fair reading of Amoris Laetitia can only conclude that Pope Francis has listened well and that the synodal process succeeded in ensuring that the realities of family life, the many joys but also struggles and dilemmas faced by young couples, single parents, aging couples, children and young people, abandoned spouses and people in second unions, and so on, were heard, acknowledged and brought successfully into dialogue with the Good News of the Gospel and Church teaching.

Although the synods themselves are only consultative, a post-synodal exhortation from the Pope is more than that. Amoris Laetitia is therefore an authentic exercise of Pope Francis’ teaching authority and is the most significant papal document on marriage and the family since St John Paul II’s Familiaris Consortio (1981). Familiaris Consortio was also a post-synodal exhortation.

Amoris Laetitia refers frequently to the many views expressed at the synods, highlighting many points upon which there was general agreement. However, more than two-thirds of references are to the Second Vatican Council and to previous statements by Pope Francis himself.

Amoris Laetitia is not the endpoint of this consultative process. Pope Francis invites “continued open discussion” (2) of the issues explored in the document and encourages local churches to take up the reflections it contains and “seek solutions better suited to its local culture and sensitive to its traditions and local needs” (3). This is in keeping with another emphasis of Pope Francis’ papacy whereby he wants “to promote a sound ‘decentralisation’” (Evangelii Gaudium, 16).

Another key to interpreting Amoris Laetitia is an enigmatic principle we first met in Evangelii Gaudium (222-225) and which he reiterates here in the Introduction (3). It is that “time is greater than space”.

Briefly, this means that there is always an “under construction” sign hanging over our lives. We human beings are “works in progress” until the moment we die. There is an inevitable tension between the invitation of Christ to live the Gospel more fully and where we are in our lives right now. But the gap between these two “spaces” is less important than our trusting that over time God will bridge it if we co-operate with his grace. Pope Francis wants us to be patient with ourselves and with each other as we journey through life, sometimes along stony paths and self-inflicted detours, and to realise that God is patient towards us as well, and merciful to us in our weakness.

An honest commitment on our part to allow God’s mercy and love over time to bring about growth in our lives is more important than focusing or fixating on the spaces or situations we currently find ourselves in.

 

Chapter 1

In the light of the Word

 

Following the introduction, Pope Francis begins his reflections by noting that the Bible is full of families, births, love stories and family crises.

The couple that loves and begets life is a true, living icon, the Pope says, capable of revealing God.

“The ability of human couples to beget life is the path along which the history of salvation progresses. Seen this way, the couple’s fruitful relationship becomes an image for understanding and describing the mystery of God himself, for in the Christian vision of the Trinity, God is contemplated as Father, Son and Spirit of love,” Pope Francis states.

“The triune God is a communion of love, and the family is its living reflection,” he adds.

Importantly, the Pope also points out that the marital union is “evoked not only in its sexual and corporal dimension, but also in its voluntary self-giving in love”.

Returning to his reflections on the Scriptures, Pope Francis notes that the Bible also “presents the family as a place where children are brought up in the faith”.

He cautions, however, that the Gospels “remind us that children are not the property of a family, but have their own lives to lead”.

Turning his attention to modern day issues, the Pope notes that certain realities are sadly present in many countries today, where the lack of employment opportunities “takes its toll on the serenity of family life”.

Late in this chapter, Pope Francis says that against a backdrop of love so central to the Christian experience of marriage and the family, another virtue stands out, one he believes is often overlooked in “our world of frenetic and superficial relationships”.

“It is tenderness,” he says.

The Pontiff then affirms the Church’s teaching that marriage is between a man and a woman.

“The Word of God tells us that the family is entrusted to a man, a woman and their children, so that they may become a communion of persons in the image of the union of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Begetting and raising children, for its part, mirrors God’s creative work,” he says.

Finally, he encourages families to regularly pray together.

“The family is called to join in daily prayer, to read the Word of God and to share in Eucharistic communion, and thus to grow in love and become ever more fully a temple in which the Spirit dwells.”

 

Commentary

Pope Francis begins Amoris Laetitia with a chapter on what scripture has to say about the family in order to “set a proper tone” (6) to his exhortation.

For Catholics, the word of God is communicated through scripture and tradition which both “flow from the same divine well-spring” (Dei Verbum, 9). Amoris Laetitia is a good example of scripture and tradition working together.

The Second Vatican Council restored the scriptures to their proper central place in the life of the Church but we still have a lot to learn about how to read them and to allow them help us make sense of our daily lives.

Although the New Testament was written over a period of just some 50 years, in the latter half of the 1st Century, the Old Testament spans a period of probably more than a thousand years. It records God’s chosen people gradually coming to know God who nonetheless manifested himself to them from the very beginning. Getting to know God’s ways and God’s will took time, and Christians believe this only fully came about in the life, death and resurrection of Christ.

As the Bible recalls, God’s plan for families was present from the very beginning, but so also was our reluctance as human beings to accept it and our tendency to deviate from it. The Bible records violence and conflict among families not to endorse it but to acknowledge that it is a reality, and to emphasise that God’s love is stronger than it and eventually triumphs.

In this chapter we are told that God is revealed to us as a “communion of love” (11), that is, as three distinct “persons” who give everything to and receive everything from one another: Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

The family is also called to be a communion of love. Pope Francis tells us that a man and a woman whose marriage is characterised by “voluntary self-giving in love” (13), is a unique image of God, “a true, living icon…of God’s inner life” (11). Self-giving needs to be spelled out: it means life-long exclusive commitment to one another and openness to new life. It is not just about sexuality; it also means the mutual respect, regard and openess to self-sacrifice which sexual self-giving embodies.

Pope Francis’ approach to the family in this exhortation is both idealistic and realistic and he sees a similar approach reflected in the scriptures. Only gradually, as the Old Testament bears witness, did God’s chosen people awaken to the reality that any kind of subjugation, exploitation, violence or oppression between spouses or of children by their parents is opposed to God’s plan (19). This might seem self-evident to us but in biblical times it would have been very counter-cultural and still is in some cultural contexts.

There are obvious ways in which family members can be insensitive and unjust to one another. There are also more subtle ways. Pope Francis speaks of how today our relationships can easily become “frenetic and superficial” (28). We can fail to make time to express “a delicate and tender intimacy” that should characterise family relationships, spending more time, for instance, engaging on social media than in any meaningful way with each other. Amoris Laetitia is a timely reminder of the tenderness, an important word for Pope Francis, that we can and should experience in familial relationships.

 

Discussion
 points

1. Pope Francis refers in this chapter to several scripture passages. Which one do you find most interesting? Why? It might be helpful to read it fully and in its context.
2. Pope Francis suggests that the word of God is “a source of comfort and companionship for every family that experiences difficulties or suffering” (22). How can we do more to allow the word of God to console and guide us in our family lives? Can you recall a time when God’s word was a comfort in your family?
3. Since Vatican II, the Church sees the family as a “domestic Church”, that is a kind of mini-Church, the Church’s smallest unit. Through the Sacrament of Marriage the couple is blessed in a special way so that they can reveal and communicate God’s love to one another and to their children.
4. In this chapter, Pope Francis says “A family’s living space could turn into a domestic church, a setting for the Eucharist, the presence of Christ seated at its table” (15). In chapter three he says that the Church looks to families to help us understand God in a real and tangible way (67). What comes to mind as you begin to think of your family as a “domestic Church”? What more can we do to help our families to become such?

 

 

Chapter  2

The experiences and challenges of families

 

Pope Francis begins his consideration of the current situation families find themselves in by asserting that the welfare of the family is “decisive” for the future of the world and that of the Church.

He quotes extensively in this chapter from the final report of the Synod on the Family, particularly on issues directly affecting family life, such as:

-Individualism

-Cohabitation

-Commitment

-Narcissism

-Housing

-Employment

-Child sexual abuse

-Migration

-Human trafficking

-Procreation

-The elderly

-Poverty

-Pornography and overuse of social media

-Same-sex unions

-Domestic violence

-Gender ideology

Early on Francis warns of today’s fast pace of life, stress and the organisation of society and labour, “since all these are cultural factors which militate against permanent decision”.

“Freedom of choice makes it possible to plan our lives and to make the most of ourselves,” the Pope says, noting that “if this freedom lacks noble goals or personal discipline, it degenerates into an inability to give oneself generously to others”.

Indeed, Francis notes, in many countries where the number of marriages is decreasing, more and more people are choosing to live alone or simply to spend time together without cohabiting.

In today’s modern society, according to Pope Francis, the “ideal” of marriage, marked by a commitment to exclusivity and stability, “is swept aside whenever it proves inconvenient or tiresome”.

“The fear of loneliness and the desire for stability and fidelity exist side by side with a growing fear of entrapment in a relationship that could hamper the achievement of one’s personal goals,” he says.

The Pope warns, however, that Christians can “hardly stop advocating marriage simply to avoid countering contemporary sensibilities, or out of a desire to be fashionable or a sense of helplessness in the face of human and moral failings”.

“What we need is a more responsible and generous effort to present the reasons and motivations for choosing marriage and the family, and in this way to help men and women better to respond to the grace that God offers them,” he says.

Pope Francis acknowledges that the Church has at times proposed a  “far too abstract and almost artificial theological ideal of marriage” that he believes is “far removed from the concrete situations and practical possibilities of real families”.

“We have long thought that simply by stressing doctrinal, bioethical and moral issues, without encouraging openness to grace, we were providing sufficient support to families, strengthening the marriage bond and giving meaning to marital life. We find it difficult to present marriage more as a dynamic path to personal development and fulfilment than as a lifelong burden,” he says.

Noting that young people today are postponing marriage for economic reasons, work or study, Francis states that there is a need to “find the right language, arguments and forms of witness that can help us reach the hearts of young people” to invite them to take up the challenge of marriage with “enthusiasm and courage”.

The Pope also notes that a “weakening” of faith and religious practice in some societies has led to families feeling “more isolated amid their difficulties”.

 

Commentary

Chapter two reflects the findings of the consultations that have gone on over the past two years and the bishops’ deliberations at the two synods. Pope Francis wants Church doctrine and pastoral practice to take seriously the challenges experienced by families, especially those on the periphery of society, and he identifies them here and comments on them in some detail.

From the beginning of his pontificate he has sought to transpose everything the Church does into a missionary key. He clarifies what he means by this in Evangelii Gaudium (33): “We are to abandon the complacent attitude that says ‘We have always done it this way’”, and “be bold and creative in … rethinking the goals, structures, style and methods of evangelisation.” Amoris Laetitia can be understood as rethinking the Church’s approach in regard to the family and this begins by reflecting on what families today have to deal with.

The chapter is not just a catalogue of laments. Pope Francis affirms the fact that today many people enjoy greater autonomy and freedom than heretofore, and in many parts of the world there is greater respect for justice and human rights than in the past.

At the same time he notes the hesitation on the part of many people today to “take the plunge” and get married. Paradoxically, for all the freedoms people today seem to enjoy there is a greater reluctance to make commitments. In Laudato Si’, Pope Francis said that “people no longer seem to believe in a happy future; they no longer have blind trust in a better tomorrow based on the present state of the world and our technical abilities” (Laudato Si’, 113).

Technical progress does not always deliver happiness and we might think we are free when in reality we are not free at all. Freedom of choice is not real freedom. Real freedom shows itself when we are able to enter into a life-long commitment. Paradoxically, such a commitment also deepens true freedom.

Today we can easily be paralysed by selfishness and lose our ability to give ourselves generously to others (33). The mesmerising array of alternatives in how we can live our lives threatens to sweep away all truths, values and principles (34). Yet these are indispensable to building meaningful lives.

The Church needs to hold before society the value of marriage and also warn against “a cultural decline” (39) that often treats relationships as it treats objects, that is, as disposable.

But simply decrying problems we see in society is not always effective and certainly never sufficient.

The Pope calls on everyone committed to the Christian understanding of marriage and the family “to present the reasons and motivations for choosing marriage and the family, and in this way to help men and women better to respond to the grace that God offers them” (35). The challenge is to “reach the hearts of young people” (40) and convince them of the joy which married life and children bring. Obviously, married couples are best placed to do this.

The tenderness of Pope Francis’ approach is evident in that he is also concerned for that which threatens the quality of the marriage experience of older people (39).

Pope Francis does not focus only on so-called “hot button” topics such as contraception, gender-fluidity and same-sex marriage. He also speaks of the threat to marriage and the family caused by substance abuse, unemployment, migration and the other issues we have listed above. However, he is strong in his condemnation of what he calls the “legal deconstruction of the family” (53). This stems from a world view, he says, in which the only good is considered to be personal autonomy, that is, personal freedom understood only as freedom from all constraints and never as the freedom to become the kind of people God has called us to be.

The Church’s position on these issues is not intended to be cruel or hurtful and the Pope wants us to be sensitive and supportive to people in all situations and relationships. At the same time he wants the Church to witness to the authenticity of marriage as being only possible between a man and a woman in an indissoluble union because only such unions can be a stable commitment “that bears fruit in new life” (52). Unions that are “temporary or closed to the transmission of life,” what he calls de facto unions, including same-sex ones, cannot “ensure the future of society” even though they may offer the individuals involved in them some stability (52), and this should be recognised. But from the Church’s point of view such unions cannot be equated with marriage.

 

Discussion 
points

1. What are some of the challenges faced by those considering marriage today?
2. What are the main challenges being faced by those rearing young families today?
3. How might the local parish community be a support in helping married couples and families face these challenges?
4. In this chapter, what have you found consoling and what have you found disturbing, and why?

 

 

Chapter 3

The vocation of the family

 

Pope Francis dedicates his third chapter to some essential elements of the Church’s teaching on marriage and the family.

Through the Church, the Pope states that Christ “bestows on marriage and the family the grace necessary to bear witness to the love of God and to live the life of communion”.

The Sacrament of Marriage, according to the Pope, “is not a social convention, an empty ritual or merely the outward sign of a commitment”.

“The sacrament is a gift given for the sanctification and salvation of the spouses,” he says.

Pope Francis goes on to state that marriage is a “vocation, inasmuch as it is a response to a specific call to experience conjugal love as an imperfect sign of the love between Christ and the Church”.

Consequently, the Pontiff adds, the decision to marry and to have a family “ought to be the fruit of a process of vocational discernment”.

“Christian marriage is a sign of how much Christ loved his Church in the covenant sealed on the cross, yet it also makes that love present in the communion of the spouses. By becoming one flesh, they embody the espousal of our human nature by the Son of God,” he says.

Sexual union, lovingly experienced and sanctified by the sacrament, is in turn a path of growth in the life of grace for the couple, Pope Francis states.

“The meaning and value of their physical union is expressed in the words of consent, in which they accepted and offered themselves each to the other, in order to share their lives completely,” he says.

Pope Francis notes that, in the Church’s Latin tradition, the ministers of the Sacrament of Marriage are the man and woman who marry, and that by manifesting their consent and expressing it physically, they receive a great gift.

Their consent and their bodily union, according to the Pope, are the divinely appointed means whereby they become “one flesh”.

Noting that sexuality is ordered to the conjugal love of man and woman, Pope Francis states that marriage is firstly an intimate partnership of life and love which is good for the spouses themselves.

The Pope goes on to say that he considers it “urgent” to state that if the family “is the sanctuary of life, the place where life is conceived and cared for, it is a horrendous contradiction when it becomes a place where life is rejected and destroyed”.The family protects human life in all its stages, including its last,” he states.

Francis then turns his attention to education of children, noting that “schools do not replace parents, but complement them”.

The education of children, according to the Pope, is “not just a task or a burden, but an essential and inalienable right that parents are called to defend and of which no one may claim to deprive them”.

He continues that the Church has a responsibility “to cooperate with parents through suitable pastoral initiative, assisting them in the fulfilment of their education mission”.

“The Church is a family of families, constantly enriched by the lives of all those domestic churches.”

Noting that the Church itself is a “family of families”, Pope Francis concludes this chapter stating that the experience of love in families “is a perennial source of strength for the life of the Church”.

 

Commentary

Chapter three gets to the heart of the good news the Church has to offer to families. It also identifies the family’s indispensible role in the Church’s mission.

Pope Francis speaks strongly about the indissolubility of marriage, the sanctity of human life from conception to natural death, marriage as being only possible between a man and a woman, and to the transmission of new life as an essential feature of conjugal sexual union.

Yet he is concerned to proclaim these truths in a manner in which they can be heard in contemporary culture. His view is that the Church’s teaching can only be heard “in a context”, that context being a personal encounter with God’s unconditional love, and when underlying wounds have been treated and healed (79). Otherwise, what should be welcomed as a gift is viewed instead as a burden (62).

Without first experiencing Christ’s love, the moral teaching of the Church in regard to marriage and the family is unlikely to be appealing or even to make much sense. “The proclamation of the saving love of God comes before moral and religious imperatives”, Pope Francis said early in his pontificate, yet “today sometimes it seems that the opposite order is prevailing”. Amoris Laetitia can be seen as an effort to overcome this.

In Evangelii Gaudium, Pope Francis writes “On the lips of the catechist the first proclamation must ring out over and over: ‘Jesus Christ loves you; he gave his life to save you; and now he is living at your side every day to enlighten, strengthen and free you’” (Evangelii Gaudium, 164). All ministry to the family must begin with this kerygma, this core message of Christianity. The Gospel is a personal encounter with the merciful love of the Father revealed in Jesus Christ. It is a “message of love and tenderness” (59) that is experienced in a special way in and through family life.

Christians believe that personal encounter with Christ not only reveals who God is but who we truly are as well and what it means to live our lives fully. “Only in the mystery of the Incarnate Word does the mystery of man take on light”, Pope Francis writes, quoting Vatican II (77). In Christ we discover the joy of being human and the self-sacrificing love of which we are capable.

The family is referred to a number of times as being an “icon”, meaning an “image”, or “representation” of Christ (11; see also 70, 121). We need to understand these terms in the strongest possible way, as we do, for instance when we speak of the sacraments. We understand the sacraments as re-presenting, that is, really rendering or making present, God’s actual love.

None of the Church’s sacraments are private affairs, affecting only those who receive them. The sacrament of marriage impacts on the whole of the Christian community because it places the mutual love of the couple at the disposal of the Church as an “icon” or representation of God’s love for all God’s people.

At the heart of marriage is the couple’s mutual self-giving which is manifested in their free and generous consent to each other and in their sexual union (75). Conjugal love is among the most powerful realisations of love of which we human beings are capable and therefore it can help us to understand, appreciate and experience God’s love.

To be an icon of the relationship between God and God’s people, marital love has to be “exclusive and definitive” (70).

Sexuality within marriage is spoken of very positively in Amoris Laetitia where it is understood as a gift (61), a pathway to growth for the couple and an enrichment of their relationship (74, 80).

Throughout Amoris Laetitia we see that Pope Francis holds the ideal of marriage and the family before us as something actively to be striven for with the help of God’s grace. At the same time he recognises that in reality our lives can fall short of this ideal. He wants to encourage us in such situations so that we will not give up or fall into despair. Despite their weaknesses, he tells us, familiies can become a light in the darkness (66).

The XIV World Synod of Bishops (2015) found a particular way of speaking encouragingly of what are often called “irregular unions”, that is, people who are living together without being married, are married civilly only, or are divorced and remarried, and Pope Francis also speaks encouragingly here. It compared the incomplete and imperfect nature of such unions to the grasp of the Word of God we often find in other religions and cultures (Final Synod Report, 23, 47). Such “seeds” of God’s Word, with proper care and support, can grow into fullness. Similarly, imperfect relationships that nonethelss show signs of stability and mutual care can be supported and challenged to mature into the fullness of sacramental marital commitment (76).

Pastors are to accompany those in irregular unions with wisdom and sensitivity, and be aware of the need for careful discernment when faced with complex situations (79). We will reflect further on this in Chapter eight.

 

Discussion
 points

In light of this chapter, what is the “good news” that my family/the families of our parish need(s) to hear? Where is this “good news” communicated?

What could we do better to communicate the core message of Christian marriage as outlined above to those living together, in civil unions or divorced and remarried?

“Schools do not replace parents, but complement them,” Pope Francis says (84). How might parents, schools and parishes work together to ensure that the understanding of marriage and the family we find in Amoris Laetitia is handed on to the next generation?

 

 

Chapter  4

Love in marriage

 

All that has been said so far would be insufficient to express the Gospel of marriage and the family, according to Pope Francis, were we not also to speak of love.

“For we cannot encourage a path of fidelity and mutual self-giving without encouraging the growth, strengthening and deepening of conjugal and family love,” he says.

Pope Francis cites 1 Cor 13:2-3; “even if I have faith so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing”.

This chapter essentially reads as advice for married couples. It amounts to an in-depth guide of healthy and functioning relationships, asserting that love is;

-patient

-at the service of others

-not jealous

-not boastful

-not rude

-generous

-not irritable or resentful

-forgives

-rejoices with others

-bears all things

-believes all things

-hopes all things

-endures all things.

Pope Francis begins by urging married couples to “cultivate patience”. Otherwise, the Pope suggests, we end up “incapable of living together, antisocial, unable to control our impulses, and our families will become battlegrounds”.

Forgiveness also plays a key role in healthy relationships, the Pope suggests.

“Today we recognise that being able to forgive others implies the liberating experience of understanding and forgiving ourselves,” he says.

Pope Francis goes on to state that, in family life, “we need to cultivate that strength of love which can help us fight every evil threatening it”.

“Love does not yield to resentment, scorn for others or the desire to hurt or to gain some advantage. The Christian ideal, especially in families, is a love that never gives up,” he asserts.

A love that is weak or infirm, incapable of accepting marriage as a challenge to be taken up and fought for, reborn, renewed and reinvented until death, “cannot sustain a great commitment”, according to the Pontiff.

“In marriage,” according to Pope Francis, “the joy of love needs to be cultivated.”

“When the search for pleasure becomes obsessive, it holds us in thrall and keeps us from experiencing other satisfactions. Joy, on the other hand, increases our pleasure and helps us find fulfilment in any number of things, even at those times of life when physical pleasure has ebbed.

“Marriage is a means of expressing that we have truly left the security of the home in which we grew up in order to build other strong ties and to take on a new responsibility for another person. This is much more meaningful than a mere spontaneous association for mutual gratification, which would turn marriage into a purely private affair,” he says.

The Pope continues that committing oneself exclusively and definitively to another person “always involves a risk and a bold gamble”.

“Unwillingness to make such a commitment is selfish, calculating and petty. It fails to recognise the rights of another person and to present him or her to society as someone worthy of unconditional love,” he says.

Pope Francis also states that virginity is a form of love, however, he cautions that celibacy can risk becoming a comfortable single life that provides the freedom to be independent, to move from one residence, work or option to another, to spend money as one sees fit and to spend time with others as one wants.

Finally, he notes that while in the course of every marriage physical appearances change, “this hardly means that love and attraction need fade”.

“We love the other person for who they are, not simply for their body. Although the body ages, it still expresses that personal identity that first won our heart. Even if others can no longer see the beauty of that identity, a spouse continues to see it with the eyes of love and so his or her affection does not diminish,” he says.

 

Commentary

This is a remarkable chapter on the nature of conjugal love and it explains why such love is a precious “icon of God’s love for us” (121). At the same time, Pope Francis is realistic. He says “there is no need to lay upon two limited persons the tremendous burden of having to reproduce perfectly the union existing between Christ and his Church” (121). Becoming a mirror of God’s love is something that only happens over time and through co-operation with God’s grace.

The main part of chapter 4 (90 – 118) is a reflection on 1 Corinthians 13 and could be read as a stand-alone reflection on the joy and the cost of true love. It would be an excellent text for a couple preparing for marriage or for the renewal of their marriage vows with which to read and pray. We can all do with reflecting honestly on how our attempts to love play out in practice: how well we listen, bear with one another’s weaknesses, put up with injustice, give and forgive generously, and so on.

Pope Francis makes a sharp distinction between true love, which he says is “the greatest form of friendship” (123) and which treasures interior beauty and joy over physical appearance and pleasure (126), with what he calls “adolescent individualism” that seeks “a mere spontaneous association for mutual gratification” (131). This is an important paragraph aimed specifically at young people, and with a frankness that is characteristic of Pope Francis. He very much wants to encourage young people to rise to the challenge of marriage which can both protect and shape their shared commitment. At the same time he does not want them to be blind to the obligations and responsibilities marriage brings.

In all relationships communication is key and Pope Francis provides sound practical advice about the importance of language, tone, patience in listening, and keeping an open mind (136 – 138).

In the past the sexual dimension of marriage was often considered in Church teaching only to have value in the context of the procreation of children. St John Paul’s theology of the body has helped the Church to appreciate better how sexual union within marriage is a profound and indispensible expression of love between the couple and not to be seen only as at the service of procreation. Pope Francis reinforces this understanding (150 – 152).

However, both within marriage and outside of it “sex can become a source of violence and manipulation” (154). Pope Francis makes very clear the need for mutual respect between spouses in regard to the sexual act and he rejects in particular any subjugation in this regard of women by men (156).

Pope Francis also explores in this chapter the value of virginity and celibacy. These are to be understood as particular forms of love. In the past, they were sometimes considered superior to marriage but Pope Francis is quick to reject this and discourages any attempt to play celibacy and marriage off one against the other (160). Both embody different aspects of the one love of God for his people.

Just as there are imperfect forms of married life, there can also be imperfect forms of celibacy. By this Pope Francis means the ways that those called to the single life can become overly-independent and self-centred (n 162). Celibates need to learn from the generosity and self-sacrifice that is necessary to make a marriage work.

Finally, as couples get older they need to reaffirm their love for one another by “constantly seeking new ways to grow in strength”. “We love the other person for who they are,” Pope Francis says, “and not simply for their body” (164). God accompanies couples through the different stages of their lives so that they can rejoice “at every new step and in every new stage” (163).

 

Discussion
 points


1. What did you feel particularly striking in Pope Francis’ reflection on 1 Cor 13 (90-118) and why?
2. “Longer life spans now mean that close and exclusive relationships must last for four, five or even six decades; consequently, the initial decision has to be frequently renewed” (163). What are some of the particular joys and challenges faced by older couples, and how can the Christian community both celebrate their love and be a support?

 

 

Chapter 5

Love made fruitful

Pope Francis dedicates his fifth chapter to procreation and child rearing, speaking powerfully about welcoming new life and about the vital roles mothers and fathers play in raising children.

“The family is the setting in which a new life is not only born but also welcomed as a gift of God,” the Pontiff begins.

“The gift of a new child, entrusted by the Lord to a father and a mother, begins with acceptance, continues with lifelong protection and has as its final goal the joy of eternal life,” he says.

Noting that some parents feel that their child “is not coming at the best time”, Pope Francis encourages them to “ask the Lord to heal and strengthen them to accept their child fully and wholeheartedly”.

“It is important for that child to feel wanted. He or she is not an accessory or a solution to some personal need. A child is a human being of immense worth and may never be used for one’s own benefit. So it matters little whether this new life is convenient for you, whether it has features that please you, or whether it fits into your plans and aspirations,” he states.

Nowadays, Pope Francis also notes, we acknowledge as legitimate and indeed desirable that women wish to study, work, develop their skills and have personal goals.

While in full agreement, the Pope cautions that “we cannot ignore the need that children have for a mother’s presence, especially in the first months of life”.

“I certainly value feminism, but one that does not demand uniformity or negate motherhood,” he warns.

Pope Francis then turns his attention to the distinction between the roles of a mother and a father.

A mother, he suggests helps a child to “grow in confidence and to experience that the world is a good and welcoming place”.

“This helps the child to grow in self-esteem and, in turn, to develop a capacity for intimacy and empathy,” he says.

On the other hand, a father, according to the Pope, helps a child “to perceive the limits of life, to be open to the challenges of the wider world, and to see the need for hard work and strenuous effort”.

“A father possessed of a clear and serene masculine identity who demonstrates affection and concern for his wife is just as necessary as a caring mother,” he says.

“A reversal of the roles of parents and children is unhealthy, since it hinders the proper process of development that children need to experience, and it denies them the love and guidance needed to mature,” he adds.

Acknowledging the “suffering” couples who are unable to have children go through, Pope Francis recommends adoption as “a very generous way to become parents”.

“I encourage those who cannot have children to expand their marital love to embrace those who lack a proper family situation. They will never regret having been generous,” he says.

Pope Francis also speaks about the “social obligations” married couples need to be aware of.

Christian marriages, according to the Pope “enliven society by their witness of fraternity, their social concern, their outspokenness on behalf of the underprivileged, their luminous faith and their active hope”.

“Their fruitfulness expands and in countless ways makes God’s love present in society,” he says.

Finally, Pope Francis notes the important roles of grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins, friends and even neighbours.

“Friends and other families are part of this larger family, as well as communities of families who support one another in their difficulties, their social commitments and their faith,” he says.

 

Commentary

The bulk of this chapter summarises a series of short weekly addresses given by Pope Francis between the two Synods on the Family in the first part of 2015. It reflects his concern that society today is gripped by self-absorption and individualism, especially in the west.

At the heart of secular liberalism, a destructive outlook on life that is driving much of social policy today including in Ireland, is the belief that personal autonomy is the only ultimate value. This means that we tend to think of freedom primarily in terms of liberation from various constraints and responsibilities rather than as a gift by which we ourselves grow to fullness through our service of others.

Much of what we hear in society and especially in the media tends to prize self-fulfilment and self-realisation above all else. Christians consider self-fulfilment to be important: “The glory of God”, according to St Irenaeus, “is man fully alive”. However, as Christians see it, genuine self-fulfilment only comes through self-sacrifice, that is, through the willingness to lay down our lives for each other (Jn 15:13).

True love, whether it is lived in marriage or celibacy, is characterised not by selfishness but by self-giving; by openness and generosity rather than by a preoccupation with one’s own needs. It seeks to be inclusive, especially of those who are vulnerable, weak and discarded. It seeks to bring everyone in all circumstances to the fullness of life. It is willing to make sacrifices, and parents, for instance, know this instinctively. Pope Francis writes: “For ‘when speaking of children who come into the world, no sacrifice made by adults will be considered too costly or too great, if it means the child never has to feel that he or she is a mistake, or worthless or abandoned to the four winds and the arrogance of man’” (166).

In this chapter, Pope Francis reflects on what self-sacrificing love means in the context of the various familial relationships: child, father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, the elderly, in-laws. Whereas in the west very often our concept of what makes up a family has shrunken, in the global south, Africa, Latin America and Asia where the majority of Catholics now live, the family is still thought of in terms of an extended network of relations. Pope Francis is very conscious of the importance of relationships across the generations, for instance between children and their grandparents, and we have much to learn from his profound respect for the role of the elderly in young people’s lives (191 – 193).

Pope Francis speaks in detail in this chapter about the distinctive roles of fathers and mothers and how a child has a natural right to be reared by both (172). This is not always possible, and in such instances families and communities compensate generously. Pope Francis is very encouraging of foster and adoptive parents (82, 179, 180). However, as a society we should not go out of the way to create circumstances in which a child is deliberately deprived of the possibility of being reared by their natural mother and father, as is inevitable, for instance, in cases of surrogacy.

The key point here is that a child is never “an accessory or a solution to some personal need” (170). Christians should try to trust in God’s goodness and providential care and resist scientific advances that make possible the “tailor-designing” of children to meet the needs of adults.

There are many ways of ensuring that our love bears fruit in society (181 – 184). An understanding and appreciation of this can ease the heartbreak of those who are unable to have children. In fact, Pope Francis says that “Even large families are called to make their mark on society” (181).

 

Discussion
 points

1. Reflect on the various roles you have in your family (child, parent, aunt or uncle, grandparent etc). How does what Pope Francis has to say in this chapter enrich your understanding of your roles and responsibilities?
2. Take a close look at what Pope Francis has to say here about fatherhood. It is particularly strong and in many ways counter-cultural. How can the Christian community help increase society’s understanding of the importance of fathers? In what way is Pope Francis a kind of father-figure for people today and what can we learn from this?
3. How can we do more to educate young people to value self-sacrifice?

 

 

Chapter 6

Pastoral perspectives

 

Without claiming to present a pastoral plan for the family, Pope Francis reflects on some more significant pastoral challenges in chapter six.

The Pope opens this section noting that ordained ministers often lack the training needed to deal with the complex problems currently facing families.

He notes that seminarians should receive a more extensive interdisciplinary, and not merely doctrinal, formation in the areas of engagement and marriage and also highlights the need for training lay leaders who can assist in the pastoral care of families.

Marriage preparation, according to the Pope, should be a kind of “initiation” into the Sacrament of Matrimony, providing couples with the help they need to receive the sacrament worthily and to make a solid beginning in life as a family.

Francis notes, however, that marriage preparation begins at birth, claiming that those best prepared for marriage are those “who learned what Christian marriage is from their own parents”.

In an effort to promote the ideal of Christian marriage, Pope Francis cites the example of St Valentine’s Day, for which “commercial interests are quicker to see the potential of this celebration than are we in the Church”.

Reiterating the importance of solid marriage preparation for couples, the Pope states that “the timely preparation of engaged couples by the parish community should also assist them to recognise eventual problems and risks”.

Both short-term and long-term marriage preparation, according to the Pope, “should ensure that the couple do not view the wedding ceremony as the end of the road, but instead embark upon marriage as a lifelong calling based on a firm and realistic decision to face all trials and difficult moments together”.

Noting that short-term preparations for marriage tend to be concentrated on invitations, clothes, the party and any number of other details that tend to drain not only the budget but energy and joy as well, Pope Francis warns of couples arriving at their wedding ceremony exhausted and harried, rather than focused and ready for the great step that they are about to take.

The Pope appeals to fiancés to have “the courage to be different”.

“Don’t let yourselves get swallowed up by a society of consumption and empty appearances. What is important is the love you share, strengthened and sanctified by grace. You are capable of opting for a more modest and simple celebration in which love takes precedence over everything else,” he says.

Pope Francis also speaks about how young love “needs to keep dancing towards the future with immense hope”.

“If, in the first years of marriage, a couple’s experience of love grows stagnant, it loses the very excitement that should be its propelling force,” he says, adding that young married couples “should be encouraged to develop a routine that gives a healthy sense of closeness and stability through shared daily rituals”.

“These could include a morning kiss, an evening blessing, waiting at the door to welcome each other home, taking trips together and sharing household chores. Yet it also helps to break the routine with a party, and to enjoy family celebrations of anniversaries and special events,” he suggests.

Pope Francis also notes that many couples, once married, “drop out” of the Christian community.

However, he blames the Church for not taking advantage of occasions when married couples return to church, “to remind them of the beautiful ideal of Christian marriage and the support that our parishes can offer them”.

“I think, for example, of the Baptism and First Holy Communion of their children, or the funerals or weddings of their relatives or friends. Almost all married couples reappear on these occasions, and we should take greater advantage of this,” he says.

On the vexed subject of ministering to divorced people, Francis insists that they are not excommunicated and should not be treated as such, “since they remain part of the ecclesial community”.

 

Commentary

The XIV World Synod of Bishops was not content only to offer general theoretical considerations about family life; it also wanted to propose new pastoral approaches and methods. At the same time, Pope Francis has always advocated what he has called “a sound ‘decentralisation’” (Evangelii Gaudium, 16) and so he puts the onus back on individual dioceses and bishops’ conferences to devise concrete pastoral plans for the family. In this chapter he discusses some of the challenges families face which emerged at the synods and which need to be taken into account by those responsible for this dimension of pastoral ministry.

In Amoris Laetitia, we are looking at the family primarily through the lens of mission. The key question we face as Church is to help people realise that “the Gospel of the family responds to the deepest expectations of the human person…” (201). Pope Francis is convinced that the Catholic Church is “proposing values that are clearly needed today even in the most secularised of countries” (201).

The parish, as a family of families, is expected to be at the forefront of ministry to families (202). It is helpful to recall what Pope Francis has said repeatedly about the Church today being like a field-hospital (n 291). The family, understood as “domestic Church” (see Discussion point 3, chapter one, page 21) is also a hospital of sorts (321). Even though our families may be far from perfect and even wounded in many respects themselves, they still have a key role to play in healing each others’ wounds and the wounds of society as a whole.

This chapter calls for a radical re-examination by Church authorities of the quality of both the initial formation and the continuing support the Church provides to married couples. It acknowledges that the formation of priests and others engaged in family ministry also needs to be reviewed.

Marriage preparation continues to provide a key point of contact between couples, who might otherwise not be practising, and the parish community. It should prove a point of reconnection for a couple with the sacramental life of the Church as a whole. Instead of marriage preparation being perfunctory, haphazard, rushed, and focused on the completion of technicalities, as it often can be, it needs to be a genuine “pedagogy of love” (211). Pope Francis cautions against allowing preparation for the “big day” to take the place of genuine preparation for the commitment being undertaken. Pastors fail in their duty if “the couple does not grasp the theological and spiritual import of the words of consent” (214).

The parish as a “family of families” needs to be particularly supportive of the first years of married life and the exhortation details a number of practical ways in which this can happen (217 – 230). The leadership of the pastor is key in ensuring these supports are put in place.

Pope Francis discusses here what responsible parenthood means. We live in a cultural context that, as we have seen, tends to privilege personal freedom above all else and can be “hostile to life” (222).  Couples need to be helped to make conscientious decisions in regard to having children.

As Church we have been called, Pope Francis wrote earlier, “to form consciences, not to replace them” (37). Vatican II’s teaching on conscience is repeated here: “the most secret core and sanctuary of a person. There each one is alone with God, whose voice echoes in the depths of the heart” (222).

The exhortation details many of the crises and tragedies that can befall families including difficulties in child-rearing, marital breakdown, and bereavement. The key question is how the parish community can accompany families at such times, healing their wounds and strengtening their love.

 

Discussion
 points

1. Reflect on what you believe is involved in making a decision in conscience. What was the last conscientious decision you made? What did making that decision involve?
2. If married, how would you rate the marriage preparation you yourself received from the Church?
3. Imagine that you have been asked to help design a marriage preparation course for your parish or diocese. What would you see as being the key elements of the programme you would design, taking into account what you have read in Amoris Laetitia so far as well as your own experience of marriage and/or family?
4. What practical supports would you like to see your parish community providing to “wounded” families?

 

 

Chapter 7

Towards a better education of children

The seventh chapter is dedicated to the education of children and deals with:

-Their ethical formation

-The learning of discipline

-Patient realism

-Sex education

-Passing on the Faith.

Parents, according to Pope Francis, “always influence the moral development of their children, for better or for worse”.

“It follows that they should take up this essential role and carry it out consciously, enthusiastically, reasonably and appropriately,” he says.

Parents, the Pope continues, “need to consider what they want their children to be exposed to”.

This, he says, necessarily means being concerned about who is providing their entertainment, who is entering their rooms through television and electronic devices, and with whom they are spending their free time.

“Only if we devote time to our children, speaking of important things with simplicity and concern, and finding healthy ways for them to spend their time, will we be able to shield them from harm. Vigilance is always necessary and neglect is never beneficial,” he says.

On the other hand, the Pope warns that obsession is not education.

“We cannot control every situation that a child may experience. What is most important is the ability lovingly to help them grow in freedom, maturity, overall discipline and real autonomy.

“Only in this way will children come to possess the wherewithal needed to fend for themselves and to act intelligently and prudently whenever they meet with difficulties,” he says.

Pope Francis insists that it is “essential” to help children and adolescents to realise that misbehaviour has consequences.

“They need to be encouraged to put themselves in other people’s shoes and to acknowledge the hurt they have caused.

“It is important to train children firmly to ask forgiveness and to repair the harm done to others,” he states, adding that children who are “lovingly corrected feel cared for”.

The Pope cautions, however, that “it is important that discipline not lead to discouragement, but be instead a stimulus to further progress”.

Noting that the world today is “dominated by stress and rapid technological advances”, one of the most important tasks of families, according to the Pope, is to “provide an education in hope”.

“This does not mean preventing children from playing with electronic devices, but rather finding ways to help them develop their critical abilities and not to think that digital speed can apply to everything in life,” he says.

Pope Francis admits it is “not easy to approach the issue of sex education in an age when sexuality tends to be trivialised and impoverished”.

“Sex education should provide information while keeping in mind that children and young people have not yet attained full maturity. The information has to come at a proper time and in a way suited to their age. It is not helpful to overwhelm them with data without also helping them to develop a critical sense in dealing with the onslaught of new ideas and suggestions, the flood of pornography and the overload of stimuli that can deform sexuality,” the Pope says.

Francis also notes that, frequently, sex education deals primarily with “protection” through the practice of “safe sex” which he states can “convey a negative attitude towards the natural procreative finality of sexuality, as if an eventual child were an enemy to be protected against”.

Finally, Pope Francis says that raising children “calls for an orderly process of handing on the Faith”.

The home, he says, “must continue to be the place where we learn to appreciate the meaning and beauty of the faith, to pray and to serve our neighbour”.

 

Commentary

Pope Francis dedicated a chapter of his encyclical Laudato Si’ to education. He also dedicates a chapter to the topic here which makes many similar points.

Education involves schooling, and he has important things to say here about Catholic schools, but it is much broader, and in fact in the first place we should think of education as the responsibility of parents. They are “ministers of their children’s education” (85).

Pope Francis stresses that above all parents need to spend quality time with their children and there is no substitute for this (278).

Parents often worry today about where their children are physically and they are concerned to protect them from bodily harm. Pope Francis wants parents to be equally concerned about where their children are existentially, that is, in terms of their personal growth and maturity. “Obsession is not education,” he says (261), and it is impossible to prepare children for every eventuality they will encounter in life. Thus, he suggests, “it is better to start processes than to dominate spaces” (261) by which he means to provide children with a proper understanding of freedom, maturity and self-discipline so that they can grow up to act intelligently and prudently in whatever circumstances they find themselves.

Parents have a right to have their children educated in schools that accord with their values, including their religious values, but ultimately parents cannot delegate the responsibility to hand on their values to anyone else (263, see also 84). At the same time, parents should support the provision of Catholic schools and partner with them in educating their children in the faith (279).

Pope Francis also stresses the need for an education in hope.

In Laudato Si’, Pope Francis said “people no longer seem to believe in a happy future; they no longer have blind trust in a better tomorrow based on the present state of the world and our technical abilities. There is a growing awareness that scientific and technological progress cannot be equated with the progress of humanity and history, a growing sense that the way to a better future lies elsewhere” (Laudato Si’, 113).

He repeats this sentiment here, calling on families to provide young people with a sense of confidence in the future, the patience necessary to achieve long term goals, and the self-discipline required to defer immediate satisfaction or gratification in order to achieve them. This is needed because the stress of rapid technological advances creates the false impression that everything must either be achieved immediately, or cannot be achieved at all (275).

Parents also have a responsibility to ensure that the sex education their children receive in schools accords with their religious values (280 – 286). The false notion that we have absolute control over our bodies and can manipulate them as we wish leads to the equally false notion that we can manipulate and use creation and other people as we wish (285, referring to Laudato Si’, 155).

Finally, he concludes that the formation in faith of young people, which is the shared responsibility of parents, parish community and Catholic schools, should produce “missionary families” confident in their own faith and convictions and willing to share them joyfully with others (289).

 

Discussion 
points

1. What are the main opportunities and challenges facing parents when trying to form their children into mature adults today?
2. What do you know about the nature and quality of sex education as taught in your local (Catholic) school?
3. How can the parish community be more supportive of parents in the education of their children along the lines Pope Francis proposes here?

 

 

Chapter 8

Accompanying, discerning and integrating weakness

The eighth chapter of Pope Francis’ document on the family is an invitation to pastoral discernment for people living at odds with Church teaching.

The Pope uses three verbs in particular:

-Accompanying

-Discerning

-Integrating weakness.

He opens by stoutly defending the Christian notion of marriage that is realised in the “union between a man and a woman who give themselves to each other in a free, faithful and exclusive love, who belong to each other until death and are open to the transmission of life, and are consecrated by the sacrament, which grants them the grace to become a domestic church and a leaven of new life for society”.

“Some forms of union radically contradict this ideal,” Pope Francis notes, “while others realise it in at least a partial and analogous way”.

Interestingly, he cites participants at the Synod on the Family who stated that “the Church does not disregard the constructive elements in those situations which do not yet or no longer correspond to her teaching on marriage”.

Pope Francis is particularly concerned that “many young people today distrust marriage and live together, putting off indefinitely the commitment of marriage, while yet others break a commitment already made and immediately assume a new one”.

Turning his attention to the vexed issue of divorced and remarried Catholics, the Pope comments that such people “can find themselves in a variety of situations, which should not be pigeonholed or fit into overly rigid classifications leaving no room for a suitable personal and pastoral discernment”.

“Another thing is a new union arising from a recent divorce, with all the suffering and confusion which this entails for children and entire families, or the case of someone who has consistently failed in his obligations to the family,” Pope Francis states, noting that it “must remain clear that this is not the ideal which the Gospel proposes for marriage and the family”.

He is “in agreement” with the many Synod Fathers who observed that “the baptised who are divorced and civilly remarried need to be more fully integrated into Christian communities in the variety of ways possible, while avoiding any occasion of scandal”.

Noting that neither the synod nor this exhortation could be expected to provide a new set of general rules, canonical in nature and applicable to all cases, Pope Francis states that what is possible “is simply a renewed encouragement to undertake a responsible personal and pastoral discernment of particular cases”.

For what Pope Francis calls an “adequate understanding” of the possibility and need of special discernment in certain “irregular” situations, one thing must always be taken into account, he says.

“The Church possesses a solid body of reflection concerning mitigating factors and situations. Hence it is can no longer simply be said that all those in any ‘irregular’ situation are living in a state of mortal sin and are deprived of sanctifying grace.

“Discernment must help to find possible ways of responding to God and growing in the midst of limits. By thinking that everything is black and white, we sometimes close off the way of grace and of growth, and discourage paths of sanctification which give glory to God,” he says.

In order to avoid all misunderstanding, Pope Francis points out that “in no way must the Church desist from proposing the full ideal of marriage, God’s plan in all its grandeur”.

“Today, more important than the pastoral care of failures is the pastoral effort to strengthen marriages and thus to prevent their breakdown,” he concludes.

 

Commentary

Amoris Laetitia is an attempt to bring the reality of God’s love to bear upon the often painful realities of family life, realities this chapter focuses upon.

This chapter has attracted the most comment since the exhortation’s publication because it deals with the issue of the Church’s pastoral response to people in irregular unions and in particular to the divorced and remarried. By no means does this mean that it is the most important chapter and it would be a mistake to read it in isolation from the others.

There are some key points to bear in mind as we read this chapter.

The first is that each of us has “sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” (Rom 3:23; see also 11:32) and so stands in need of God’s mercy. Before we receive communion we each pray the words of the centurion in the Gospel “Lord, I am not worthy” (Matt 8:8). We need to read this chapter fully aware of how our own sinfulness fractures communion within the Church and disfigures the way we represent Christ to others.

We also need to bear in mind that the exhortation does not set out simply to reiterate the Church’s teaching on marriage and the family; this teaching is clearly stated elsewhere. It sets out to bring Church teaching, including especially in regard to God’s mercy, to bear upon the complex realities of marriage and family life. It also sets out to do this in a context in which the Church is prioritising its missionary dimension.

In Evangelii Gaudium the Pope said “we need to move “from a pastoral ministry of mere conservation to a decidedly missionary pastoral ministry” (Evangelii Gaudium, 15). Pope Francis clarified what he meant by this by going on to cite Lk 15:7: “Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.” Chapter eight should be read as an attempt to reach the one sinner; those who consider themselves among the ninety-nine righteous may feel somewhat disconcerted as they read it.

Many of us like things to be either black or white and we may have grown up in a Church where this always seemed to be the case. Understandably, it can therefore be disturbing to read Pope Francis saying, “By thinking that everything is black and white, we sometimes close off the way of grace and of growth, and discourage paths of sanctification which give glory to God” (306).

We can imagine, however, that in a field-hospital (291, 321) things are not always black or white. Nor can they be, the Pope argues, when the Church takes its mission into the heart of the messiness of human life as it is lived on a daily basis. In such circumstances, “a small step, in the midst of great human limitations, can be more pleasing to God than a life which appears outwardly in order, but moves through the day without confronting great difficulties” (305, citing Evangelii Gaudium, 44). The exhortation is encouraging each of us to take a step, however modest or faltering, towards deepening our personal relationship with Jesus Christ. What this step is will depend upon our individual circumstances and no one but God can ultimately judge its sincerity or significance. Not to take such a step where we are free to do so, however, would be to reject God’s offer of mercy and renege on his invitation to grow in grace.

When reading chapter eight we should also bear in mind that the focus of evangelisation for some decades now has been upon bringing people to a personal encounter with Christ and to see their faith in terms of a vibrant relationship with Christ and not merely as conformity to a set of beliefs or rules.

As far back as 1989, Pope John Paul II’s preacher, Fr Raniero Cantalamessa said, “What is the primary aim of all evangelisation and of all catechesis? Possibly that of teaching people a certain number of eternal truths, or of passing on Christian values to the rising generation? No, it is to bring people to a personal encounter with Jesus Christ the only Saviour by making them his ‘disciples’.”

The goal of evangelisation as personal encounter has been endorsed repeatedly both by Pope Benedict XVI and Pope Francis. As we have already noted, it is only such a personal encounter that can enable people to accept and respond to the often tough moral demands of the Gospel.

In Amoris Laetitia, Pope Francis wants us to recognise that conscience has a defining role to play in this personal encounter. Earlier, he said that the Church has not always done enough to “make room for the consciences of the faithful,” suggesting that there has been a tendency to replace consciences rather than form them (37). Instead, we need to help people discern what they should do and then to accompany them with the tenderness of Christ as they take personal responsibility for their decisions and actions and live with the consequences (300).

Pope Francis repeats Vatican II’s definition of conscience when discussing responsible parenthood: “the most secret core and sanctuary of a person. There each one is alone with God, whose voice echoes in the depths of the heart” (222).

An appeal to our consciences should never be misinterpreted as a way of letting ourselves “off the hook” and, if anything, as we shall see below, chapter eight extends the factors people in irregular unions need to take into account when discerning their worthiness to receive the sacraments.

Paragraph 292 is key in reiterating that Christian marriage means free and exclusive love, faithful unto death and open to the transmission of new life. Some unions directly contradict Christian marriage. Others “realise it in at least a partial and analogous way”. Even though these latter do not correspond to the Church’s teaching on marriage the Synod Fathers wanted, in a spirit of mission, to say something positive in regard to such relationships. A good pastor will look at such relationships and “identify elements that can foster evangelisation and human and spiritual growth” (293).

The basis for taking this approach is twofold. We have already referred to Pope Francis’ principle that “time is greater than space” (see Introduction). In short, it means that commitment to the journey of growing in grace is more important than the place where we happen to be at any particular moment.

Related to this is what is called the “law of gradualness” (294-295), which is the recognition that growth into the fullness of God’s plan for us tends to occur step-by-step. In Familiaris Consortio, St John Paul wrote that “the human being knows, loves and accomplishes moral good by different stages of growth” (34). In other words, we do not always reach the fullness of self-giving and of loving which God expects and of which we are capable overnight.

This this does not mean, however, that our partial attempts to do God’s will, fragile and flawed as they may be, are entirely devoid of value in God’s eyes. What is important is that insofar as we are free to grow we do so, and meanwhile, that we remain humbly aware of the need for such growth in our lives, are open to it, and strive for it.

When it comes to the controversial question of whether people in “irregular” unions can go to Communion Pope Francis details several ways that marital break-up and divorce rupture communion and require repentance and reconciliation.

First of all, people must show respect for the Church’s teaching on marriage and the family. It would be unacceptable to “flaunt” an objective sin, Pope Francis says, as if it were part of the Christian ideal (297-300). The Pope has also asked people in irregular situations to do everything possible to remedy their situation and he has amended the procedures in regard to annulment to make them more straightforward (see 244).

Those in such unions also need to reflect, preferably with the help of an experienced pastor (312), on the role they themselves may have played in the breakup of their marriage. They may bear a lot of responsibility, or very little, or something in between. The Archbishop of Vienna, Cardinal Christoph Schönborn, was nominated by Pope Francis as his official spokesman on Amoris Laetitia, and he has elaborated what we find in Amoris Laetitia (300) in this regard in some detail.

As a pastor who knows first-hand the impact of divorce (his parents divorced when he was a child), Cardinal Schönborn would encourage people to ask themselves: Did I do everything possible to save the marriage? Have I acted justly towards my spouse and children? Am I fulfilling my ongoing responsibilities to the abandoned spouse? Have I recognised any personal culpability for the breakup of the marriage, repented of it and made sufficient reparation? Did the breakup damage wider society and have I tried to make up for this in some way? Have I damaged the confidence of young people preparing for marriage?

There can be situations, according to the exhortation, in which individual spouses may not bear any responsibility for the breakup or, insofar as they did, they have repented sufficiently and have made amends. “No one can be condemned for ever”, the Pope writes, “because that is not the logic of the Gospel!” (297) “Discernment can recognise that in a particular situation no grave fault exists” (300). He also says that “it can no longer simply be said that all those in any ‘irregular’ situation are living in a state of mortal sin and are deprived of sanctifying grace” (301).

“The confessional should never be experienced as “a torture chamber”, Pope Francis reminds pastors, referring back to Evangelii Gaudium, and the Eucharist “is not a prize for the perfect, but a powerful medicine and nourishment for the weak” (300, fn336 and 305 fn351). It is significant that he makes this same reference twice within a few pages.

Saint John Paul II had already accepted that in certain circumstances it might not be right to require people to end a second union, especially if they had no responsibility for the breakup of the first marriage and if there were obligations in regard to children arising from the second marriage (Familiaris Consortio, 84). However, even in such limited circumstances he still required them to live in complete continence, that is, as brother and sister. Pope Francis has referred to this, and would seem, in a footnote, to cast doubt over whether or not this should continue to be a requirement (298, fn329) on the basis that a resulting lack of intimacy could endanger the relationship and cause children to suffer.

Pastors have the challenging task of upholding and proposing the full ideal of Christian marriage as an attainable goal (307, 308), while at the same time avoiding the temptation to hide behind Church teaching when asked to help people work out their moral responsibilities in particular situations (305) and their worthiness to receive the sacraments. Uppermost in their minds must be how they can help those entrusted to them to grow closer to Christ and experience the joy of the Gospel.

In all cases, the exhortation states, divorced and civilly remarried people must be afforded full respect as baptised members of the Church and be welcomed accordingly (299).

If we are to take seriously what we read in this chapter then we all need to reflect on our own worthiness to receive the sacraments. Pastors need to study and reflect upon what it means to accompany people in irregular situations. Couples in such situations need to ensure they understand what discernment means and what a decision in conscience involves.

As we conclude our commentary on this chapter it is good to remind ourselves that it is written in a missionary key. It expresses the desire but also the dilemma of the shepherd, in this case the Church’s Chief Shepherd, who feels called to imitate Christ in going as far as he can to embrace the one sheep who has strayed without abandoning the ninety-nine or endangering the flock.

 

Discussion
 points

1. In what way has this chapter deepened your understanding of God’s mercy?
2. How can the parish community do more to accompany and integrate the divorced and civilly remarried?
3. In light of Amoris Laetitia, what further study and training is required by members of the parish community: families, pastors, parish councils?

 

Discernment

The concept of discernment as Pope Francis understands it needs careful consideration. It is not just any sharing of viewpoints to reach a decision or conclusion. It is a conversation before God and involving God.

The purpose of discernment is to allow God’s will in a particular situation to unfold. It recognises that the least dominant or powerful voice might nonetheless be the wisest and the one that most closely reveals God’s intentions. In the Old Testament, for instance, we find God’s will revealed to Elijah not in the storm cloud but in the gentle breeze (1 Kings 19: 10-13). Similarly, St Paul cautions “let no one despise your youth” (1 Timothy 4:12).

This chapter not only speaks of discernment but models it. Pope Francis allows the often different and conflicting voices of the Synod Fathers to be heard, he indicates where consensus was reached, and indicates the views to which he lends the support of his office as successor of Peter. Note, for instance, where he says “As for the way of dealing with different ‘irregular’ situations, the Synod Fathers reached a general consensus, which I support” (297).

Prayer is an important part of discernment and groups using this study guide might consider integrating a regular moment of prayerful reflection into their study of the document.

 

Chapter 9

The spirituality of marriage and the family

 

Pausing to describe “certain basic characteristics” of the specific spirituality that unfolds in family life and its relationships, Pope Francis insists that God’s presence “dwells in real and concrete families, with all their daily troubles and struggles, joys and hopes”.

“Living in a family makes it hard for us to feign or lie; we cannot hide behind a mask,” the Pope warns.

“If a family is centred on Christ, he will unify and illumine its entire life. Moments of pain and difficulty will be experienced in union with the Lord’s cross, and his closeness will make it possible to surmount them. In the darkest hours of a family’s life, union with Jesus in his abandonment can help avoid a breakup,” he says.

Noting that family prayer is a “special way” of expressing and strengthening the Faith, Pope Fran cis suggests a few minutes be found each day “to come together before the living God, to tell him our worries, to ask for the needs of our family, to pray for someone experiencing difficulty, to ask for help in showing love, to give thanks for life and for its blessings”.

“With a few simple words, this moment of prayer can do immense good for our families,” he says.

Marriage is the experience of belonging completely to another person, the Pontiff says.

“Spouses accept the challenge and aspiration of supporting one another, growing old together, and in this way reflecting God’s own faithfulness,” he says, adding that there comes a point where a couple’s love “attains the height of its freedom and becomes the basis of a healthy autonomy”.

“This happens when each spouse realises that the other is not his or her own, but has a much more important master, the one Lord. No one but God can presume to take over the deepest and most personal core of the loved one; he alone can be the ultimate centre of their life,” the Pope states.

It is a profound spiritual experience, according to Pope Francis, “to contemplate our loved ones with the eyes of God and to see Christ in them”.

“This demands a freedom and openness which enable us to appreciate their dignity. We can be fully present to others only by giving fully of ourselves and forgetting all else,” he says.

As Amoris Laetitia often notes, no family drops down from heaven perfectly formed.

Families, according to Pope Francis, “need constantly to grow and mature in the ability to love”.

“Our contemplation of the fulfilment which we have yet to attain,” Pope Francis suggests, “allows us to see in proper perspective the historical journey which we make as families, and in this way to stop demanding of our interpersonal relationships a perfection, a purity of intentions and a consistency which we will only encounter in the Kingdom to come”.

“It also keeps us from judging harshly those who live in situations of frailty. All of us are called to keep striving towards something greater than ourselves and our families, and every family must feel this constant impulse. Let us make this journey as families, let us keep walking together,” he says.

 

Commentary

Pope Francis concluded Evangelii Gaudium with consideration of the spirituality of evangelisation and Laudato Si’ by examining the spirituality of care for our common home.

Amoris Laetitia finishes with a reflection on the spirituality of the family. It used to be a common saying: the family that prays together stays together. Today, in many families the challenge seems to be to find quality time for any form of common life, let alone for family prayer. Amoris Laetitia is a plea to families to reconsider this and to make deliberate choices that will improve the quality of family life.

When it comes to the practicalities of conversion, of bringing about change in our lives, Pope Francis is of the view that we change in small steps and that small things can make a big difference. In general, the kind of lifestyle changes he recommends have to do with helping us become more reflective, self-aware, empathetic and connected with God, creation and each other.

In Laudato Si’, for instance, he detailed many very practical changes that would tackle our mindlessness and forgetfulness when it comes to care for the earth and the poor of the earth. For instance, he stressed the nobility of doing without things, even when we do not have to, as a gesture of solidarity with those for whom doing without is not a choice (Laudato Si’, 211). He also asked for a return to saying grace before meals to instil in us a sense of our dependency, as well as a spirit of gratefulness (Laudato Si’, 227).

Along similar lines he writes here: “The spirituality of family love is made up of thousands of small but real family gestures” (316).

It is a real loss as a society that because of the individualistic and frenetic nature of our lifestyles we no longer have any collective “down-time”. In Amoris Laetitia, Pope Francis stresses the value of trying to reclaim Sunday as a family day (318). Sunday Eucharist should be the source and summit of family life (see Vatican II’s Sacrosanctum Concilium 10). It should be that weekly source of nourishment and renewal that enables the family to fulfil its mission as a domestic Church.

Relationships, whether between friends, between spouses, between children and their parents, can founder if we demand from them what God alone can give us. This is why Pope Francis calls for “spiritual realism,” between spouses.

As human beings we have the need to be loved infinitely. It is a need that only God can satisfy. There is always a danger that we will make demands of other people that are unfair and even impossible for them to meet. We can also seek fulfilment for ourselves through the lives of others. This too can ruin a friendship or a relationship.

Pope Francis reminds us as he concludes Amoris Laetitia that “no one but God can presume to take over the deepest and most personal core of the loved one; he alone can be the ultimate centre of our lives” (320). This is a very important insight. Understanding it and letting it underpin our relationships could be the saving of them.

When God is the focus of our ultimate concern, when we entrust our needs and desires to him in prayer knowing that ultimately only he can satisfy them, we can relate to each other in a healthy way, free to appreciate what others have to offer us and grateful for it. An awareness of God’s infinite love for us frees us to relate to others in a non-possessive or unselfish way.

Thus, Pope Francis encourages spouses to allow each other space, a “healthy autonomy” (320), so that each of them can nourish their own personal relationship with God. This will strengthen their love for one another.

Finally, the Pope makes a plea for “family life to be a ’shepherding’ in mercy” (322). A Christian home should be one that always has an open door for the frail and the vulnerable (324); not only an open door, but also a source of missionary zeal to go out and seek the lost and invite them to one’s home. This is in many respects a radical call to Christian families to be counter-cultural in a world which has become very individualistic, with housing estates that are “gated communities” where often even neighbours do not know each other very well.

 

Discussion 
points

1. What practical changes can families make to improve the quality of their relationships and the time they spend with each other?
2. What do you think of Pope Francis’ call for a healthy “spiritual realism” (320) in relationships on the basis that only God can ultimately satisfy all our needs?
3. Are family Masses a good idea in parishes? Why? What more can parishes to do support families praying together?