Br Luiz Otavio S. Silva, O. Carm
I was born in Recife, capital of the state, the youngest of three children, and lived most of my life in a town called Escada, 61km away. I was raised in the Catholic religion from the cradle, having very fond memories of a childhood spent in contact with the Holy Eucharist, the catechism and the sacraments. At nine years of age I joined the Legion of Mary (an Irish organisation which is very popular in Brazil, of which I am still a member and spiritual director), and I also had the wonderful opportunity to be in contact with a small congregation of Camillian Sisters whose convent is located behind our residence, thus being able to work as a volunteer in their Nursing Home and as an altar boy in the Parish’s Main Church, currently the Archdiocesan Sanctuary of Our Lady of Escada. My vocation arose out of a desire for intimacy with the Lord, from the impulse to give my life to help others, and from the admiration I felt for the Church. For this reason, when I was thirteen years old, I expressed to my mother a desire to be a priest and began to participate in vocational meetings at the Archdiocesan Seminary.
Rosy
However, not everything in life was rosy. My parents unfortunately broke up, which was an extremely painful episode for our family and a turning point for my life and vocation. My mother suffered a lot and had to overcome a depression that lasted six months, and only then she could move forward and become even more the pillar of support for our family.
We also faced difficulties financially due to the decrease in our family income, which led me to divert my focus from a possible vocation to the priesthood and dedicate myself to studies so that I could work and help my mother. That was how, at the age of seventeen, I passed a public exam and at eighteen I started working at a public bank in Brazil called Caixa Economica Federal. It led to five and a half years of work and learning, during which time life went on, I gained two nieces and a nephew, I studied mathematics and business administration, I built my first assets, a car, land on the beach, a small studio apartment on the first floor of our house; but there was always something missing and I didn’t feel like I was truly myself.
And so it was that, at the age of 23, I felt as if I was living because of my circumstances, but not for what I was called to live. That life was good and just, but it was not really what made me feel happy and accomplished. So, I began to reflect again on my vocation to the priesthood. I remember some key moments in my discernment, such as the encounter for young people in my town, which brought us together for a weekend of prayer and religious talks, in which I felt very strongly the Lord’s call in my heart through the verse in the gospel of St Luke “from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked” (12:48). Or the opportunity I had to meet the Carmelites through Fr Rinaldo Francisco, a friar from the Pernambuco Province who was born in Escada. At that point, I identified strongly with the charism of the Carmelite Order, which involves Prayer, Fraternity and Mission. In addition to being fascinated by the writings of Saints such as St Therese of the Child Jesus and St Teresa of Jesus/Avila.
Acceptance
Then I became a Carmelite at the age of 24, and now I count almost ten years of a happy religious life, with its ups and downs, full of the consolations and challenges of those who follow the path of Christ Jesus, but also one full of life, faith, hope and love. Having left behind my career and possessions, I have often received many blessings aware of the Gospel regarding those who leave ‘houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother…’ (MT 19:28), and I hope to enter eternal life. Many other events have profoundly marked my life story, such as the death of my dear mother and my coming to Ireland, but these are stories for a further chapter, or perhaps for a conversation between friends with a good cup of coffee.
In Christ, your Brother.
Br Luiz Otavio, O. Carm., is a Brazilian Carmelite from the state of Pernambuco, currently living in Dublin and studying theology at Pontifical University Maynooth.