Fr Chris Gault OP I could do so much more for this man now if I were a priest, says Fr Chris Gault OP
“It’s just who I am.” So came the simple response with which I was met on an evening around 10 years ago, sitting in the living room of my student house with my friend and housemate – now himself also a priest – after exasperatedly imploring him to tell me how he had decided to enter the seminary. The ‘problem’ of vocation had been one I had wrestled with for several years at that point. I was in the final stages of my studies to become a doctor (as was that same friend), but all throughout my time at university, and even before it, the thoughts of a priestly vocation had never left me. When this friend mentioned quite matter-of-factly that he would be pursuing a priestly vocation, I was dumbfounded and indignant. How had it been so apparently easy for him? How had he made up his mind?
“It’s just who I am.” This response struck me, because it caused me to realise at that very instant that the same was true for me. Despite years of vocational angst, in fact, I had always known that I was called to be a priest. Despite broadcasting widely that I was praying for signs of a priestly vocation, in truth I was praying for signs in the opposite direction, because I was afraid. However, once I accepted the reality, helped by that providential realisation, it brought with it immense peace, and although there have been ups and downs, I have never looked back. I loved training for the priesthood, especially in the context of the adjacent vocation to religious life in the Order of Preachers, and I am immensely happy now in my new priestly ministry. Yes, there are sacrifices, but this is true in every vocation, and living out my own while being graced with good friends living out different ones (namely marriage, family, and single life) has given me vital perspective. It has only reinforced my certainty about the particular vocation given to me, a certainty which has now (thank God) been ratified and solemnised by the Church, at priestly ordination.
Aspirations
Without doubt, that is the moment I (together with my two Dominican brothers) became a priest, really, truly, theologically. Once the hands of the Archbishop had been laid on our heads and the prayer of priestly consecration been pronounced, we were changed forever. In the words of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, at this point the ordinand is “configured to Christ” and enabled to act in persona Christi (see para. 1581). However, as for every priest who comes to that sacred moment, there had been a lifetime of preparation beforehand. Many priests can recount stories from their childhood when they voiced priestly aspirations, sometimes seemingly out of nowhere. I can remember attending Mass at a young age and noticing a vague ‘identification’ with the priest on the sanctuary. Most children do not typically experience this. Certainly, not many boys tell their parents they wish to become priests when they are only 5 or 6 years old.
“The Lord shapes and moulds His priests from the first moments of their lives”
The explanation for this is that the priesthood is not merely a job or career, like being a doctor or a lawyer or a professional footballer. Rather, the Lord has ‘chosen’ His priests from the very first moment of their existence in the womb (see Jeremiah 1:5). This is because it is through His priests that the Lord desires to draw His people to Himself. It is through the priest that Christ becomes truly present for His people in the Eucharist. It is through the priest that they are reconciled to Him in the confessional. It is through the priest that children are baptised and given the gift of sanctifying grace, that marriages are blessed and that the sick and dying are brought strength through Holy Anointing. In short, the Lord desires to use His priests as instruments. Yes, the priest works in the community, leading them in prayer and reaching out to those in need. But far more than this, it is through the sacred priesthood that a whole new vista – one of ‘grace’, beyond what is merely natural – is opened up for God’s people. To do this, the Lord shapes and moulds His priests from the first moments of their lives, because this instrumentality – that of bringing about salvation – is something He takes seriously.
Calling
This explains why many future priests play at saying Mass while they are boys. It explains why thoughts of priesthood and a certain identification, that he is ‘one of them’, do not leave the young man, even as he pursues studies or goals in other areas. It explains instances like the one I experienced in a Belfast hospital’s Emergency Department late one night, in my third year after qualifying as a doctor. Despite struggling with understaffing and a high volume of patient presentations, everything was put on pause when an ambulance crew rang ahead into the emergency phone, warning the staff about the gravely ill patient they had just picked up. The man was young and asthmatic, suffering from an attack which was surely threatening his life. When he was wheeled into the ‘resus’ area of the ED, he was unconscious and grey. As one of only two doctors in the department at that hour of the night, I took my place at the head of the gurney to tend to the man’s airway, and listened as the paramedic recounted the details and the treatment he had received thus far. As we worked to bring the man back from the brink (which thankfully we did), I found it strange that there was only one thought in my mind: “I could do so much more for this man now if I were a priest.”
“The priest, by the gift of his ordination, heals the soul, and accepting that as my own role has given me indescribable joy and gratitude”
What we do follows from what we are. The desire to do priestly things – like offer the holy sacrifice of the Mass, or free people from their sins in the confessional, or prepare a dying man to meet his God – exists because the one who desires to act as such has been chosen by God to do so. He has been instilled with a mission from heaven to tend to the wayfarers here in this life, while remaining himself a wayfarer in need of tending. In short, he has been given a vocation. He has done nothing to earn it. This is the heavenly plan. It is how God has intended to bring about the salvation of His people, and it goes above and beyond good – though merely natural – desires to help others in a career such as medicine. The priest, by the gift of his ordination, heals the soul, and accepting that as my own role has given me indescribable joy and gratitude. Thank God for His Church and for the priesthood. Thank God for the gift of a vocation. Thank God that He formed me to be His priest.