Notebook
Recently, I had a conversation with a friend whose husband died some months ago. She is desperately lonely and that loneliness is made far worse because her children and grandchildren cannot visit her during these Covid-19 Days. But it is the loss of her husband, her best friend that brings the greatest loneliness: “I miss his gentle touch,” she said.
I was reminded of another conversation I had with a woman in one of my former parishes. A local sister, Sr Mary, who was also a massage therapist, offered massage for parishioners and her rooms were in our parish centre. One day I met a friend heading into her for a massage and I was gently teasing her about how she was spoiling herself. She laughed but then turned very serious and looked straight at me and said: “Since my husband died three years ago, nobody has touched me in a healing and compassionate way and that’s why I come here for a massage.”
Healing
In these days of social or physical distancing, healing and compassionate touch is the one thing that is in short supply albeit for a very good reason. This is one of the greatest challenges and deprivations resulting from the current pandemic.
I was recently reading an article by Dacher Keltner, a professor of psychology at the University of California where he writes: “A lack of physical touch can affect people in more ways than they might realise…touch is the fundamental language of connection…when you think about a parent-child bond or two friends or romantic partners, a lot of the ways in which we connect and trust and collaborate are founded in touch.”
Healing touch was a central part of Jesus’ ministry and particularly after the resurrection. The first thing Mary wanted to do when she realised it was Jesus in the garden was to touch him. In the gospel of last Sunday Jesus invites Thomas to touch his wounds.
Physical touch becomes the way Jesus’ followers know his resurrection is real.
In our modern society, touch is one of the most controversial topics. How many disputes in workplaces, social settings and even at home are about when and how to touch and when not to touch. Touch can be coercive and unwelcome and yet can also be healing and transformative.
Power
Earlier in Jesus’ ministry he felt power go out of him when a woman who suffered from a 12-year illness came up and touched the hem of his garment. It is a powerful story about touch because it reverses our usual fears.
She was forced to be socially and physically distant from her neighbours for those 12 years lest they should be infected by her illness.
When she touched Jesus the opposite happened. His healing power and grace was more infectious than her infirmity. Is it possible in this pandemic there is something happening more powerful and infectious than the coronavirus.
We have by and large become very disciplined when it comes to distancing and cocooned isolation. We understand the dangers of physical touch but in order for us to come out of this crisis stronger than we went into it, cannot be simply about refraining from doing certain everyday things.
In the extraordinary commitment and courage of our healthcare workers and other frontline staff, in the countless and creative acts of kindness from one neighbour to another, we are witnessing something possibly more infectious than the virus itself.
Despite our isolation and separation from one another this extraordinary generous spirit has the power to bind us together in a way we not have experienced before and it is simply very touching.
We are discovering ways to touch each other’s lives which do not involve physical touch and the cumulative effect of these gestures of kindness and gentleness may well turn out to be far more contagious than the coronavirus.
Act of Spiritual Communion
My Jesus, I believe that you are present in the Most Holy Sacrament.
I love you above all things, and I desire to receive you into my soul.
Since I cannot at this moment receive you sacramentally, come at least spiritually into my heart.
I embrace you as if you were already there
and unite myself wholly to you. Never permit me to be separated from you.
Amen.
Room to improve!
At a couple’s retreat the speaker mentioned that couples are so disconnected that 85% of husbands don’t know their wives favourite flower. Paddy turned to his wife and whispered: “It’s self-raising, isn’t it?’