Mary Kenny
Bill and Melinda Gates “The rich are different,” Scott Fitzgerald famously said, and it is an observation which contains some truth. And yet when Bill and Melinda Gates announced they were proceeding towards a divorce after 27 years of marriage, others could identify with what is called the ‘silver split’ – when older couples break up having gone past that silver wedding anniversary.
Rocky patch
It is not unusual for marriages to hit a rocky patch in middle age. The joys, energies, even wild bickering of younger times have passed, and the kids have left home. Now, couples wonder if they have anything left in common? It’s tempting to have an affair ‘just to find someone new to tell your old jokes to’ as the New York poet Fran Landesmann once quipped.
My own mother-in-law told me that she and her husband – who died before I could meet him – hit a really bad phase in middle age. Fortunately, she had the means to take a prolonged cruise to South America, a sensible use of money during a period of alienation. But they got back together, and, she said “in old age, we were glad”.
The Gates’ divorce has prompted others to muse on a similar scenario. The writer Jane Gordon recalled that like Bill and Melinda, she and her spouse split up after 27 years, because they didn’t see how they could ‘grow’ together. But now she greatly regrets it, and mourns how much they have lost – the shared memories, how they had built a life together, all the nuances of the family connections.
There is a point in the sacramental vow “till death do us part”. It can become especially meaningful in the latter part of life.
Disenchanting note
Melinda Gates, aged 56, made the decision to leave the 65-year-old Microsoft billionaire (net worth: over $129 billion/€106billion) some time ago. His brief association with Jeffrey Epstein was a disenchanting note, too. He seems a bit of a cold-hearted geek – asked about religious practice he said that “I can think of more efficient ways to spend Sunday morning”. Life isn’t just about “efficiency”, Bill!
Still, it was a marriage and the death of a marriage should be mourned. In many cases, its dissolution may be regretted.
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In Edna O’Brien’s stories, there’s mention of a traditional bogeyman who frightens children, ‘the Pooka’, a bad spirit with an aura of evil and threat. In their wisdom, Clare County Council had commissioned a hideous artwork elevating The Púca of Ennistymon which it planned to foist upon the public gaze.
Thank heaven for the common sense of Fr Willie Cummins of Ennistymon, who has denounced the sculpture of a pagan monstrosity from the altar, and prompted Clare Council to ‘pause’.
It’s been suggested that Dylan Thomas might be a better candidate for an Ennistymon statue, since his wife, Caitlin, grew up there. Why not Caitlin’s father, the poet Francis Macnamara, local bard and landlord, who wrote poetry about Ennistymon and started the hippy trend for Doolin? He wasn’t uncontroversial either – nude bathing with the poet Augustus John caused local ripples – but still better than ‘the Pooka’!
A good bet for bigger things
I am minded to place a tenner on Andy Burnham, the Mayor of Manchester, becoming next leader of the British Labour Party. He’d be the first Catholic in the post. Mr Burnham enjoyed a resounding victory in last week’s local elections and has emerged as a big player on the British political scene.
Sir Keir Starmer, present head of Her Majesty’s Loyal Opposition, is a consummate lawyer, but to many voters he lacks ‘authenticity’: too posh, too smooth. Andy Burnham is a true Lancashire lad who talks bread-and-butter issues – bus fares should be cheap, homelessness should be tackled. He did a lot to advance a successful second Hillsborough enquiry. He is sometimes called ‘soft left’ but has also described himself as a ‘redistributist’, G.K. Chesterton’s economic philosophy.
He has said he doesn’t agree with the Catholic Church on everything – plenty of Catholics might say that! He voted for same-sex marriage and advocates LGBT rights. He is married to a Dutch wife, Marie-France: they have three children. His brother, Nick, is principal of Cardinal Newman College in Preston (the town whose historic motto was ‘Poor, Proud and Papist’).
Andy Burnham was twice rejected as Labour leader, and he says he’s currently happy as Manchester supremo. But he’s still a good bet for bigger things.